When Goodbye Means Hello

I walked into the bathroom, locked the door, then slid down the wall until I was on the floor. I can't believe this is happening to me. I hae never felt feeling for Jared. And now that he kissed me I'm having doubts about Jacob. I hate this. I started crying yet again. Why me? What did I do to deserve this?

knock knock

"Christina, let me in." I heard Emma plead more than say. So I stood up and opened the door. 

"Emma, what is happenig to me?"

"Nothing. Everyone has the obstacles."

"Really? Because I don't think everyone starts doubting their love for their fiancée because one of his best friends kissed you."

"Your doubting that you love Jacob?" she wrapped me in a bear hug, "I'm so sorry."

"Its not your fault. It's mine. I'm a horrible person. All this time I've been telling him that I love him then one unimportant thing happens and now I don't know if I love him as much as I said I did. And he's out there fighting for me."

"Christina, I've known you my whole life, and you don't love Jared. You love Jacob. You're just confused because you haven't seen Jacob in a week."

"But what if when he does come back, I still feel like this. What if I don't love him? I want to love him."

"And you do love him. Jared is just a guy that is testing you. At the end of the day you're going to think of Jacob not Jared."

"I'm scared that I'm not going to."

"You will." she stood up and left the bathroom. I looked in the mirror. I looked horrible. I hadn't done my makeup in days, my eyes were puffy, and my hair was just thrown up into a ponytail. I walked into my bedroom and laid down on my bed and fell asleep. 

                       **********

I awoke to Jacob laying with me, "Jacob! You're back." I screamed waking him up. 

"Huh? Yeah, I'm back. Obviously."

"Sarcasm is my thing." I joked while kissing him. I feel dirty. I have kissed two guys in one day. 

"Yeah sure. Who taught you your sarcasm?"

"Definitely not you."

"Excuse me."

"Did you burp?"I laughed. I wonder how long he gets to stay for.

"Haha! Funny!"he said as I tuck out my tongue. 

"How long do you get to stay?"

"Tonight and tomorrow morning."

"Ugh! I wish you stay longer. I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too." we kissed again. Then tried to fall asleep. Which he had no problem doing. On the other hand I couldn't sleep. I still had the doubts because of Jared. He made everything so hard for me. He couldn't have just kept hos feelings to himself. No he had to make me wonder who he was talking about and then he just had to kiss me.

What am I supposed to do? What if I don't love Jacob anymore? That'll kill both of us.