I Swear I Love You

In the end Jimmy never did wake up Jess when it was time to go- during the half an hour he laid alongside her he didn’t think he should. She didn’t sleep soundly as she said she would; instead she twisted in his arms as if she were uncomfortable and every so often would cough into a curled up palm she placed in front of her mouth.

Regardless of her wish he acted on his own and ignored it, easing his body from around hers and instead replacing the space with a couple of pillows, so she could still lean against something in her slumber. She was still asleep when he ventured back after the group’s excursion downtown to check in on her to see if she was up to coming to the sound check, but that question was answered by her silent reply. Like before, he ended up going to the show alone.

“Thank you Worcester, and good night!”

The band members each took their turn to wave goodbyes at the crowd and toss out a few mementoes- namely guitar picks and drumsticks- before shuffling off stage where Val handed out towels to the pumped-up males.

“It seems like someone had a good show,” Val remarked as the five individuals exchanged grins. “I have to say, that’s been one of the best of the tour.”

“Best of the tour so far,” Matt amended, wrapping his arms around her and leaning in to kiss her. “Now give me some sugar…”

“Ew Matt!” She squealed, trying to wriggle from his embrace. “You’re all sweaty!”

He didn’t let her go. “You love it.”

“No I don’t!”

He smiled mischievously at her. “Not until I get a kiiiiiiissss…”

She rolled her eyes at him, but all the same did what he asked- not without enthusiasm either. “You’ve got what you wanted. Now let me go Stinky Bear.” She wiped her bare arms with the edge of his towel and made a disgusted noise. “Yuck.”

“I’m sure you’ve had to cope with Matt’s sweaty body before if your… rather active sex life has anything to do with it,” Jimmy interjected playfully. “I never hear you complain.” He tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Quite the opposite actually.”

“Shut it you.” Val grabbed Matt’s towel and threw it at him, although he easily caught before it got anywhere near his face. “Otherwise I’ll have to go into your sex life, and I know you wouldn’t want me to do that.” She laughed as Jimmy began to grumble, his eyes dropping to the floor. “That’s what I thought.”

“Fine. You win,” he relented. He tossed Matt’s towel along with his own onto one of the boxes for transporting the guitars. “Where’s Jess anyway? Someone went to go check on her didn’t they?”

She nodded. “I went over with Matt to the hotel to see if she wanted to come after he was done getting the merch into the venue.”

“And?”

“She was still in bed.” She frowned. “Poor thing looked so ill. She could barely speak when we got there. I think she may be coming down with something.”

“She better not be,” Larry said, breezing into the room with his cell in his hand. “You lot can’t afford to get sick.”

“You can’t blame her if she gets sick,” Brian said, his tone disapproving. “It’s not her fault.”

“No, and I know that, but it will be if any of you catch what she has.” He looked at each of them. “If she’s got something, I want you to stay away. Don’t go near her unless you have to.”

“Oh come on, you can’t make us do that!” Brian protested. “I’m not going to leave my friend on her own when she’s sick!”

He stared right into his eyes. “Do you really think Jess would want you to get ill and then not be able to do your job as a performer?”

Brian paused to think about it. “Well no… but-”

“No buts. We’re on a tight schedule otherwise I would get her an appointment with the doctors, but we have to get on the road again tonight to make it to New York. I know someone there who’ll be able to see her as a favour. But until then-” He looked at the band. “No going near her, alright? Not unless you’re in hazmat suits.”

The band all murmured their approval, including the two more reluctant voices of Brian and Jimmy. Val reached out and patted the guitarist on the arm. “Don’t worry honey, I’ll look after her.” She flashed a sweet smile at Larry. “I can get ill, can’t I?”

“Oh hell no!” Matt intervened in the conversation before Larry could reply. “I don’t want to have to stay away from you.”

She chuckled at him. “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I’ve got quite the immune system. I think being your band manager all those years toughened me up.”

“What you want to do Valary is entirely up to you,” Larry said. “Matthew may have some objections however.”

“Yeah I have objections…” He grumbled quietly.

“Oh don’t worry about Mattie,” Val replied brightly. “He won’t mind me helping out a friend.” She gave him a look that essentially gave him no choice but to answer what she wanted to hear. “Will it?”

He looked away. “No…”

Behind him, the other four males snickered, the tallest of the four summing up their thoughts with a simple word; “Whipped.”

“Don’t make me put my foot up your ass,” Matt growled, which just made their laughter grow.

“I wouldn’t do that, you don’t know if you would get it back.” All eyes backstage centred upon the source of the rasping voice, none of them saying anything as Jess joined them. She pressed a smile through her clearly suffering exterior. “Am I in time for the show?” She then realised their sodden clothing from their exuberant playing. “Oh… you’ve already played.” Her expression dropped. “I thought I would get here with enough time… I didn’t realise what the time was when I woke up…”

“Don’t worry yourself Jess, it’s not like you can’t see them play again,” Val said warmly. “How are you feeling? You didn’t look too good when Matt and I popped in a couple of hours ago.”

“A bit better, although I’m still tired.” She paused as she turned her head to the side and coughed into her hand, as if she were trying to dislodge something from her throat. “I think I might be coming down with something.”

Val frowned. “It’s not anything to do with your diabetes or anything is it?”

“No.” She shook her head. “I’d know if it was that.”

Jimmy stepped forward. “Have you checked your blood sugar?” She looked at him. “Well… you know, just in case.”

“I appreciate your concern, but yes, I’ve done that too. I’m fine. A bit on the low side, but I can’t seem to eat anything.” She sighed. “That toast this morning just hurt to swallow so I didn’t bother.”

“So that’s why you barely touched anything,” Johnny concluded. “I just thought you left it because you were mad at Rev.”

“Oh no,” she said with a chuckle, raising her hands. “I was just a bit annoyed with myself really because I couldn’t eat anything. Sorry Jimmy.”

“Hey, you’re already forgiven,” he chuckled, giving her a hug. That was until Larry coughed behind them.

“I think it’s best if we keep away from each other for now,” Jess said as she pulled away. “I wouldn’t want you to get sick because of me.”

“I think so too,” Larry agreed, flipping his cell shut after finishing a conversation with someone. “I just talked to someone I know up in New York; they said they could squeeze you in for a quick appointment tomorrow.”

Jess looked at Larry in surprise. “An appointment?”

“A clinic near the venue. He’ll do it for me as a favour.”

“But-” Her voice cracked. “-why?”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “I really have to say?”

A small smile as she held her throat and whispered, “I guess not. Thank you.”

“Part of the job description.” He turned to the band. “We’re heading off in an hour so you might want to get back to the hotel and get your stuff. We’ll head on over after everything is packed away here and collect you.”

“Ah man. We’re not even getting dinner first?” Matt whined.

Larry rolled his eyes. “I’m sure you will make do for a few hours. You can get something when we hit New York. I don’t know about you but with the cramped conditions on the bus I’d rather wait on the meal for a comfy bed.”

“I have to agree Mattie,” Val said, looking up at her pouting partner. “It’s so hard to sleep on the bus…” She blinked up at him with a set of large, pleading eyes. “You don’t mind waiting to eat… do you?”

He took one look in her eyes and melted. “Of course not babe.”

As they kissed Jimmy sniggered. “Whipped.

“I’ll whip your ass in a minute,” Matt growled.

“As much fun as that would be to watch, there isn’t any time,” Larry skilfully cut in. “Now I’m going to go tell Matt and Jason about the plan then help pack up the stuff. You lot get your bags from the hotel and meet us downstairs when I ring.”

“Who will you ring?”

“Val.”

Johnny laughed. “Figures.”

“Well she is the responsible one around you lot. I’ll see you later.”

“Aye aye Cap’n,” Jimmy said playfully, giving Larry a mock salute as he was walking away, shaking his head. He then turned to Zacky standing to his side. “What’s the next place anyway?”

Another voice replied before Zacky could. “Webster Hall.” He turned to Jess. “It’s in New York.”

“How do you know?”

She laughed at his surprise. “I learnt the schedule early on.”

“How come?”

She shrugged. “Just did.”

“Eh, whatever floats your boat. How’d you get here anyway?”

“From the hotel?”

He nodded.

“I walked. It isn’t that far.”

“But it’s freezing out there!”

“By the time I got downstairs and realised that I wasn’t about to turn around and go back,” she chuckled. “I had left my bag with my money in the room so once I had gone back to get it I might as well have just walked.” Her hand shot to her throat suddenly as her voice diminished to a hoarse whisper. “It would’ve been-”

“Jess,” Brian suddenly said, cutting her off.

She turned to him. “Yes?”

He cracked a small smile. “Perhaps you shouldn’t talk anymore. Your throat must be killing by the sounds of it.”

“Maybe,” she laughed quietly, tightening her grip as the happy chimes escaped.

“Not maybe, but definitely. No more speaking for you.”

“But-”

“I think Gates is right Jess,” Jimmy interjected. “Give it a rest.”

Jess pouted. “And what if I had to yell out to you because someone was about to stab you? How could I do that if I wasn’t talking?”

He rolled his eyes. “Okay. In exceptional circumstances you can talk.”

“But-”

“Maybe it’s better not to speak now, so you don’t completely lose your voice.” Matt grinned when she turned to him. “It sucks. Trust me.”

She opened her mouth to reply, then clearly decided to heed the advice of the leading singer and closed it again, instead tapping the keys on her phone before holding it up for him to see.

“Why do I feel like you’re all ganging up on me?”

Val peered over his shoulder at her written reply and chuckled. “Now you know how it feels like being the only girl in this manly chaos.” She paused. “Well, not anymore.” She smiled. “I’m glad you decided to come along with us.”

Jess echoed her expression. “Thank you.”

“I’m glad too. God knows you make this tour entertaining.” Matt wrapped an arm around Val’s shoulders and turned to address the others. “Shall we high-tail it outta here?”

Everyone laughed as Matt’s stomach growled, leading Jess to quickly type out another message. “I think we better, otherwise Matt might not last until the next stop.”
--

Everyone situated on the bus seemed to be fine with the four hour journey down to New York- everyone bar Matt it seemed if the stop twenty minutes before hitting their hotel for the night had anything to do with it. He didn’t seem to mind. That didn’t mention the others’ feelings however.

“Ah, that hit the spot,” Matt sighed happily as he dumped the Wendy’s paper bag in the bin on the sidewalk. “Nothing beats a burger.”

“At four in the morning? I think perhaps you are the only person who thinks that,” Val yawned. “I don’t know how you could eat that crap. You might as well just eat a lump of lard.”

He shrugged. “I was hungry. It’s not like I’m going to find a salad at this anyway.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Very funny.”

“I thought so.” He dragged her reluctant frame to him and kissed her on the forehead. When she scowled and moved stalked off towards the entrance to the hotel he simply laughed. “Think I annoyed her?”

Johnny shouldered his duffle bag from the compartment underneath the bus. “Nah. She’s just tired. She’ll come around.”

“As long as she doesn’t lock me out the room, I’m good.” He dragged his own easily from the stage equipment and held it to his side before grabbing Val’s as well. “I’m guessing Larry is already in there sorting them out right?”

“Yeah, said something about needing to do something.” He moved aside to allow the rest of them to grab their stuff. “Dunno what.”

“He didn’t say?” Brian asked, reaching in and dumping the rest of the band’s stuff behind him before picking up his own from the pile. “There isn’t a problem with the rooms is there? Fuck, I don’t want to hear they’ve overbooked or something… when we all had to share that one room on Warped one time it so wasn’t funny.” He glared at Matt. “You cuddled me all night.” He shuddered.

“I was wrecked!” Matt protested. “Plus you punched me!”

“Only because you fucking tried to kiss me!” Brian retorted. “You thought I was Val!”

Zacky laughed. “You must have a fine ass then Gates for Shads to think that.”

Brian scowled. “Fuck you Vengeance.”

“Hey! Hey! Calm down kids!” Jason said as he climbed off the bus with his brother and closed the compartment after they had grabbed their things. “You need to play nicely with each other!”

“And your asses by the sounds of it,” Matt, his younger brother, added with a grin. “Val wouldn’t like to think you like Gates’ ass better than hers.”

“Shut it Berries or I’ll fire your asses,” Matt growled.

Jason turned to his brother. “Ooh, sounds like he wants our asses too?”

His brother grinned, pretending to stick out his ass and pose sexily with it. “Do you like this Mr. Shadows?”

He rolled his eyes. “Coming from two guys who can’t even get girls…”

“Hey-!” They both cried out in unison.

“Game, set, match.” Matt grinned. “I win.”

“You may have won this time Shadows,” Jason began.

“But we will win next time,” his brother finished.

Behind them Jimmy grunted. “Speaking of asses, mine is freezing, so can we get a move on inside? It’s cold.”

Matt shifted both bags in his possession to one hand to free up the other to clap his friend on the shoulder. “Lead the way man.”

Jimmy walked out a few paces before looking back over his shoulder with a mischievous look before he slapped his behind. “We all know when it comes to asses, mine comes out on top.” He resumed walking. “We all know that Shads wanted me to go first so he could stare at it the whole time.”

“Why you little…” Matt dumped his bags and sprinted after the drummer, who after seeing his predator quickly shed his extra weight as well and ran off. There were no ill feelings between the band members as Matt chased Jimmy; merely a goal and a desire to win. The goal in question was of course for Matt to successfully trap Jimmy, which thankfully for Larry, he managed to do outside the hotel by a lunge tackle to the drummer’s midriff.

“Can’t run from me you little fucker,” Matt said with a grin as he helped haul his previous prey to his feet. “And I’ll have you know if I’m not looking at my woman’s ass I’ll be looking at how fine my own is thanks.”

Jimmy laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Hey!” They both turned to the others walking up. “You better pick up your shit before it gets stolen.” Jason pointed over his shoulder where they had dropped their bags. “After your comments, I didn’t feel like being nice.” He turned to his brother. “Come on Matt.” He feigned an uptight expression as he looked at the singer. “Let’s go.”

Zacky laughed at the pair’s antics. “Sometimes you have to think if they’re more than brothers.”

They turned back. “Hey! We heard that!”

His laughter grew. “Sorry man!”

Joining the rest again after jogging back to retrieve their bags Matt asked, “Shall we go inside?”

“I said it before and I’ll say it again,” Jimmy began, “my ass is freezing, and I’m the only one who will have to sit on it.”

Matt grinned. “I take that as a yes?”

“Take it as a fuck yes.”

--

Larry smiled warmly at Jess. “That’s alright with you, isn’t it?”

“Erm… sure I guess.” Her voice was still hoarse and more akin to a 70 year old, male chain smoker than her own, but unfortunately she had left her phone back on the bus when Larry asked her to accompany him earlier otherwise she would have used that to speak instead. Little did she know this request for her company was just so he could ask her to move out of Jimmy and Johnny’s room.

“I thought it would be nice if you had your own room this time,” Larry explained. “It can’t be fun sharing with two guys.”

“Oh I don’t mind. I don’t want to be any hassle-”

“Don’t worry Jessica, there is none. It’s already been sorted out.” He quickly looked through the various room keys he had in his hands before plucking one out of the set and giving it to Jess. “Here we are. Our rooms are all together, so feel free to find mine if you need anything.”

She fumbled with the key in her hands. “Oh…” She looked up. “Thank you.”

He smiled. “We wouldn’t want Jimmy or Johnny to get sick now would we?”

“No…” Her gaze dropped to the key along with her voice. Whether it was from feeling hurt or simply losing her voice she couldn’t say. Well, only being able to whisper she really couldn’t say which it was. “We wouldn’t.”

“Hey!” Both Jess and Larry turned to the bustling males shoving their way through the revolving door. It took a few cycles before they all made it out considering whenever the entrance appeared for one of the sections the people in the section behind it would purposely speed up so they would miss the chance to escape.

Jimmy separated his bag from the two he was holding and handed the other to Jess. “I got your bag for you. Oh!” He shifted his weight slightly in order to pull a phone out of his back pocket for her to take. “You left your phone on the bus.”

Considering the combination of her slowly disappearing voice and the cream, woollen scarf wound tightly around her neck she was rather thankful for her cell back, especially when it meant she could not bother with speaking for the time being. Couple that with the fact she was worried her tone might display things she would rather keep to herself at the moment, she was grateful for her emotionless, cellular responses.

“Thank you Jimmy.”

“No problem.” He draped an arm around her shoulders. “So roomie, what room number are we?”

Her grateful smile dropped. “I don’t know.”

“Oh.” He pointed to her hand. “What’s that key for then?”

“My room.”

“Your room?”

She looked at him sadly. “We’re not sharing a room this time. I’ve got my own. Larry has your key.”

“Oh.” He adjusted the grip on his bag as Larry handed out the keys and passed one to him. “Guess it’s just me and you little man.”

Johnny looked over at Jess. “Guess you couldn’t stand sharing with him?” He leant in with a grin. “Not that I don’t blame you.”

“Hey!”

“Speaking of sharing,” Matt cut in, “do you know where Val is?” He turned to Larry. “I’m guessing she’s got the key already?”

“Right you are. She’s already gone up.”

His shoulders dropped. “That means she’ll probably be in bed by now.” He sighed and turned to Brian and Zacky. “Mind if I crash with you tonight? I don’t want to wake Val up- she seemed really tired.” He looked over at the concierge, who had simply been watching their conversations. “Are there like any couches or extra stuff to sleep on in the rooms?”

The primp female worker tapped away at her keyboard before replying, “All booked rooms have couches within them. They do not come with extra bedding however.”

“Oh.” He frowned. “Can you arrange to have some sent up or something?”

She shook her head. “We don’t condone room sharing. We can however supply you with an extra room per your request.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he dismissed, shouldering his bag again after dumping it on the floor earlier. “Let’s get going.”

It was somewhat of an unspoken race when they split up into the elevators to go to the second floor, deciding to forgo the stairs for the fun of this short ten second ride. Jimmy’s team consisting of Johnny, Jess and Jason, lovingly named the ‘Four Jays’ by Jimmy, came out on top as they reached the floor first, leading to Jimmy pointing in Matt’s face and happily proclaiming his victory.

“Oh right, you win,” Matt chuckled before looking behind him at Zacky and Brian. “What’s the room number?”

Zacky looked at the number on the piece of plastic attached to their key. “Er… 204.”

“Right.” He walked down the hall until he stopped at a door about a quarter of the way down. “Here we are.”

Zacky tossed the key to the singer, who then opened the door and poked his head in. “Couch looks liveable.” He disappeared inside and after a multitude of groaning sounds erupted, and everyone pretty much guessed he had then jumped on said couch. “Comfy too!”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Guess that’s us.” He performed a short wave to the others. “That’s us. There’s no wakeup call tomorrow is there?”

Larry laughed. “No, not this time. Feel free to sleep all day.”

“Good man.” He gestured to Zack. “Come on Vengeance. See you lot in the morning.”

The groups quickly dispersed under murmured good nights and farewells into their own rooms, leading Jess to enter hers alone. It seemed to engulf her tiny frame as she stood in the centre of it, the room seeming impossibly larger than its actual size due to her lack of company. She did notice however that while having a room on her own it was clearly built for two people- if the two single beds had anything to do with it. This just seemed to solidify the fact that she was, indeed, alone.

It was perhaps only when she settled down into one of the two that she suddenly realised something; and after a weird look received from the cleaning staff as she staggered down the corridor knocked on room 204 with a cover and pillows stacked in her arms from the spare bed. When she attempted to knock however she ended up overbalancing and instead fell into the door, which then resulted in falling into the room when it was opened.

“Shit! What was that noise?!” A bright light interrupted the darkness which had taken the room for the past half an hour, exposing Matt sitting upright on the couch, wide-eyed, Zacky pretty much the same but in the left bed and Brian seemingly lost for words staring down at Jess on the floor.

“Jess?”

For a moment nothing happened until a hand forced its way through the mass of covers and pillows holding a phone that said, “I brought some stuff for Matt.”

“Matt?”

The singer looked at him, confused. “What?”

Brian turned back to him. “Oh sorry, I didn’t mean you.” He grabbed onto Jess’ outstretched hand and hauled her back onto her feet. “Jess has some bed stuff for you though.”

Despite her scratchy throat, she forced out a whisper for Matt’s benefit since he wasn’t close enough to see her phone’s screen. “I thought you might be cold.”

“Ah, cheers Jess!” He gave her a light hug before he dragged the stuff she had brought to the couch, and settled down underneath it. “You’re awesome!”

She smiled. Brian looked at this and decided to interpret on her behalf to save whatever voice she had left. “Jess says you’re welcome.”

Jess looked at Brian and mouthed; “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

“I should get going.” She lowered her phone screen and waved at both Zacky and Matt, who murmured their own farewells in response. Considering his close proximity, she risked a verbal farewell for Brian. “Sleep well Brian.”

A fond smile twitched at the corner of his lips. “You too Jess.” He reached out and gently touched her arm just as she left the room. “See you tomorrow.”

She paused briefly to echo his sentiment before returning to her room. “See you tomorrow.”

Once he had slipped the door shut and extinguished the light he crept back to bed, quickly relaxing as the silence washed over him. Just as he was about to ease into sleep’s clutches Zacky chose to speak. “What’s happening between you and Jess?”

“Between me and Jess?” He shifted under the covers. “Nothing. We’re just friends.” He paused. “We’ve been friends for ages.”

“Friends?” The disembodied voice sounded amused.

“Yes, friends.”

“So… friends with benefits?”

“Zack!”

He chuckled. “Okay too far. Night.”

“Night.” Brian rolled over to his other side, left to mull over Zack’s question in his head.

Were him and Jess simply friends with benefits? Did that mean they couldn’t be anything more?

“Anything more…” He laughed cynically to himself.

A voice emanated from the opposite corner of the room. “Gates?”

“Yeah Matt?”

“Did you say something just then?”

“…no.”

“Oh.” He shifted under the cover. “Must be hearing things. See ya tomorrow.”

Brian sighed quietly to himself, losing his mind to his thoughts once again, and once again they could only revolve around one person. “Jess.” He barely breathed the word, not wanting to wake the others.

Brian didn’t know what they were. He didn’t know if there even was a them. Perhaps he was just reading far too much into it.

Another sigh.

“Jess…”