In Over My Head Zack Merrick

Taylor

“Mommy can we go to da park?” Jason asked me, slapping my leg to get my attention.

“Sure babe, just give mommy time to get ready,” I faked a smile. I was so tired. Jason didn’t go to bed until eleven, and woke up at seven. He was going to be cranky today.

“Otay!” He ran off into the living room to watch Diego.

I pulled the orange juice out of the refrigerator, shook it up and poured some into a glass. While I sipped on my juice, I looked at the calendar. I looked closer when I saw that I was almost two weeks late for my period. I rarely ever missed a month.

“Oh God,” I muttered. “It’s fine, you’re probably just stressed,” I said out loud to myself. I wasn’t very convinced, though.

I looked at myself in the mirror at least twenty times, as I was getting ready to see if I was showing at all. I wasn’t, of course. Even if I were pregnant, I wouldn’t be showing yet.

But what the fuck am I going to do if I am pregnant?

- - -

Four more days passed, and I still had no signs of getting my period. I was scared to buy a pregnancy test. I was scared to tell anybody. I couldn’t be pregnant again; I couldn’t go through raising a baby alone again. I know I have Zack, but he’s not home enough to even help me raise Jason that much.

After I put Jason down for bed, I dialed Zack’s number. It rang four times, and I tapped my foot angrily when it went to his voicemail. “Dammit Zack!” I cursed, hanging up the phone. I’m sure that was recorded on his voicemail.

“Not only is he not going to be home for our anniversary, but now he wont even ans-” My phone rag, and his picture appeared on the front screen. He was a lucky man.

“Hey,” I answered.

“Hey baby girl,” Zack said. I could tell he was smiling.

“How’s tour going?” I asked. I was trying to put off telling him I’m late for my period.

“It’s good. I miss you guys a lot though,” He said sincerely.

“We miss you too,”

“I’ll be home next week though,” He offered, hoping to cheer me up.

“Zack, I’m almost three weeks late,” I blurted out. He was silent for a moment.

“Three weeks late for what?” He said. I rolled my eyes. He knew what I was talking about.

“Don’t play dumb.”

“Sorry.”

“Zack what the fuck do I do?” I asked pathetically. “On top of being late, I haven’t been feeling to good either!” I told him, which was true. I felt like puking two nights ago, and almost did.

“I- uh… Oh God, you can’t be pregnant,” He stammered. “Get a pregnancy test tomorrow,”

“Zack what if I am?” I whispered, my voice cracking.

“Babe if you are then… then we’ll get through it. I promise.” I could tell he was just as scared as I was. We both knew I couldn’t handle being pregnant again. He knew that wasn’t fair to me.

I heard Alex screaming at him to get off the phone, along with Matt agreeing. Zack told them to fuck off, and walked into another room that was quieter.

“Sorry baby,” He muttered.

“I’ll let you go,” I said.

“No I don’t have to go,” He disagreed.

“YES HE DOES!” Matt yelled.

Zack sighed. “Zack, it’s fine.” I said. It wasn’t really fine, but whatever.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” He murmured. “I love you,”

“I love you too,”

Someone must have hung up the phone for him, because I heard the dial tone. I snapped my phone shut, falling on my bed defeated.

- - -

Zack

“Fuck you man!” I yelled at Alex, who had hung up on Taylor. Shit. Now she has even more reason to be pissed at me.

“Chill,” He held his hands up in defense.

“No I won’t fucking ‘chill’” I used air quotes, getting angrier by the second. “She really needed me and I was already being a shit father and boyfriend, now I wonder what she thinks of me!” I fumed.

All the guys looked at me, shocked that I was yelling so loud. “Now what the hell was so important that I had to leave Taylor all alone while she’s upset?”

“Why’s she upset?” Alex asked. The rest of the guys were smart, and weren’t asking any questions.

“None of your fucking business,” I snapped. I wanted to be with Taylor and Jason. I missed my son so much. I felt like such a shit head, leaving them all the time.

If I got her pregnant again I would be the biggest scum on Earth. She’s still so young, she shouldn’t deserve to put up with two kids while I’m barely ever there.

I hated missing out on so much of Jason’s life. It wasn’t fair to him. I could tell she was still mad at me, too, for whatever I did before I left. This was ridiculous.