The Sake of Hope

“You look very pretty, Sake,” little Aimi said. Her legs were folded beneath her and she was perched on the bed as I pulled a ribbon around my hair. I stood in front of the old mirror in Aunt Jun’s room preparing for the dance as Aimi and Ima watched me do my hair. I smiled.
“Thank you, Aimi,” I said as I tied what I hoped to be the perfect bow. I turned toward Aimi, away from the mirror with an unsure look on my face. “Do you think Luke will like it?”
“Of course. And if not- dump him,” Aimi said simply, as if it were obvious. I laughed and turned back toward the mirror.
“Aimi… it’s not like that. And he’s not my boyfriend anyway, so I can’t dump him,” and I laughed.
“Well… I’m just saying. Whatever,” And she hopped down, already losing interest, and Ima followed behind. I sighed, thinking about the night I had ahead of me.
It was pretty obvious to everyone- including me- Luke liked me. It was bittersweet, really. I mean, I liked him, I guessed, or at least like the idea of it. Considering this was the first time a guy I’d known was open about liking me, and he was nice enough. Who was to say this would happen again? It wasn’t like I was going to leave Dim Jan. My life now, and my future life, and- a little morbidly- my death, would all take place here. Sure, I was only a teenager, but the truth was, people here got married pretty early on. I was more worried about finding a husband than finishing school. But still… it would be so great if I could find a guy that I truly loved…
Finally, I set down the brush, eventually satisfied with the shape my hair was in, and left my Aunt’s room. To my surprise, there was a large welcoming committee waiting for me at the end of the stairs. All seven cousins, two brothers, Aunt Jun, and even Mushi looked up at me and smiled. Not Lee though… he wasn’t in sight. Truth be told, I hadn’t talked to him all day.
Truth be told, I missed it. Even the tiny bit we’d talked.
“Sake, you look exquisite,” Aunt Jun said, surprisingly genuine.
“Truly, a flower in even the most unexpected places,” Mushi said, and gave his bright smile.
“Well… thanks, but it’s just a dance, Aunt Jun. No need to get the whole family prepared,” and I laid my hand on Matsu’s head and riled his hair as I always do. He wrinkled his nose, as he always does.
More complements were passed my way while we stood together, and as the conversation died down I heard the creaky wagon wheels roll around the corner, no doubt that of Luke’s father, as he was taking us to the dance.
Before I stepped into the wagon, I gave one last glance to the house, looking for Lee. But, again, he was not in sight. I could say I wasn’t sure why I wanted to see him- but I knew exactly why. Jealousy. I wanted to see him jealous, see him squirm. Every guy gets jealous. And here I was, dolled up in a long green dress, my hair combed and neatly in place, being led by a boy to a dance- a boy that wasn’t Lee. I would have cherished the moment had Lee been there to watch, but it only saddened me.
The dance passed in a flash. It was nice to be around my friends and not copying notes in class. Aunt Jun had been leaving so much for me to do that I rarely met with them outside of school anymore. I even forgot about Lee for quite some time. It was nice.
When it came time for the wagon to pick us up, the moon and stars were out and the lamps outside the building were lit. There were the usual fireflies, doomed to forever circle this town and their inhabitants. Personally, I hated them. There were so many of them, they were bound to land on you. And they light up- how unnatural. No, I was not a fan.
However, when Luke escorted me outside to “wait for the wagon,” I pleasantly followed.
“I didn’t get to tell you yet, Sake, but… well… you look very pretty tonight,” he said, shyly. I almost felt sorry for him. His face was in anguish at having to speak the truth.
“Thank you, Luke. You’re very… handsome,” I said, and put my hands in my sleeves and stared at the stars, silently hoping to end awkward conversation.
“I was… er… wondering,” he started, obviously wanting to make this experience as uncomfortable as possible. I tore my eyes away from the sky, reluctantly and wearily.
“Yes?” I said, only realizing at the last second that he had quietly slithered closer to me while the stars had drawn my focus. I say “slithered” like it was a bad thing… on the contrary, my breath suddenly got heavy and my face was hot. I desperately wanted to pull my hands from my sleeves, as the fabric and the area in between it and my hands had rapidly increased in temperature. However, I was forbidden to do so, as I was afraid in the abrupt action I may punch him in the stomach- he now stood that close.
As I soon found out, he did not plan on finishing his sentence. Quickly, but not too quickly, he kissed me, and he held it. Albeit, I held on too. Kissing Luke was never far in my plans for the night, but the action still caught my attention nonetheless. The more I’d thought about him, the better he seemed, especially while his lips were glued to mine- go figure.
But it wasn’t enough for my mind, apparently, as my thoughts zoomed in on Lee and what his lips felt like. If he would kiss me, and, quite frankly, would I let him.
Well of course I’d let him…
As if he could read my mind and didn’t want to hear any more (as I could honestly relate) Luke pulled away. But it wasn’t what I thought that made his reaction so rash. Creaking wheels pulled around the corner and the wagon, driven by the friendly butcher, parked in front of the school, waiting. Luke smiled at me, and I opened my mouth, wanting to say something, but only finding I was out of breath.
Instead, sensing we were both overly pleased, he took my arm and led me back to the wagon.

Tomorrow was Saturday, so sleep wasn’t as necessary as it could be, but it certainly was wanted. Needless to say, though, I tossed and turned in my bed, far into the hours of the night. Not even the sound of an open window could soothe me. I was on edge- the reasons, obvious.
In fact, when someone knocked on my door, I could have wet the bed.
“Sake?” the voice asked, as the person it belonged to quietly pushed open the door.
“Lee? What do you want?”
“I… er… wanted to ask you how the dance went.”
And of course, it was silent for who knows how long. I mean… this wasn’t exactly what I expected. I reached up and turned the sparker that ignited the small oil lamp on my nightstand and looked at him. It was clear that he was uncomfortable with me being able to see his face; reason being- he was red as a strawberry.
“Lee… are you… sleepwalking?”
“What- no. I was just wondering.”
“It’s late,” I said, keeping my expression vacant. Though, with the severe fatigue that sleeplessness had presented me with, it wasn’t too hard.
“Ugh! Ok fine, I was only trying to be nice,” and he started to walk away. I began to realize just how strange it was that he was here.
“Well, why on earth would you care?” I asked, trying to keep my voice down.
“I don’t know! I guess I don’t anymore!” although he said it with very little effort in keeping his voice controlled.
“Why are you here, Lee,” I said, skipping to the point. “No one in their right mind- especially you- would care about how my school dance went in the middle of the night.”
He looked trapped.
“I… well… I was thinking… and, maybe I should apologize. I didn’t mean to… scare you,” and he said it, meaning every word, being as sincere as he could imagine, but I didn’t know it.
“You don’t scare me Lee. Goodnight,” and I blew the lamp out and put my head down in the engrossing darkness. I had shut my eyes, but it wasn’t hard to hear the door creaking shut seconds later.