I don't need you

"There you go." I handed Joe an ice cream and continued walking down the beach
"Do you plan on telling me where we're going?" Joe asked as he followed me, licking his ice cream
"We're almost there." I sighed
"Am I gonna enjoy it?"
"You better." I said hitting his arm playfully
"Did your boss say anything about the broken chair?"
"He doesn't know, I hid it in the back of the storage room before he came in."
"Wow here I was thinking you were a goody two shoes." he laughed lightly nudging my arm
"What happened to not judging a book by it's cover." I smirked raising my eyebrows, reminding him of our previous conversation.
"I know, I know."
"Here we are." I stopped and pointed to the stall 20 feet away
"A pedalo? We're renting a pedalo?"
"It'll be fun, come on." I insisted grabbing his hand and pulling him along.

Pulling my money out of my pocket I handed it over and followed the worker to the small pedal boats which where all floating by the dock.
"Hold my ice cream so I can get in." I handed my ice cream cone to Joe and stepped onboard, sitting down I took mine and Joe's ice cream from him so he could get in.
"Let's get going then." I smiled handing Joe his ice cream back, Joe laughed as we both started peddling out
"This has to be one of the funniest dates a girl has taken me on." Joe said looking out onto the ocean
"I already told you this isn't date." I corrected him. I'm being serious as well, this isn't a date.
"We have ice cream, walked on the beach and rented a pedalo.... this looks like a date to me."
"Well it's not, it's just a day out."
"Whatever you say." he smirked as he had another taste of his ice cream
"It's not a date!" I laughed pushing his arm, making him smear ice cream on his face.
"Look what you did" he gasped, covering my mouth as I burst into more laughter. I try to compose myself by fanning my hand out in front of me. I watched Joe as he tried to lick it all off his face, failing miserable.
"Have I got it all?" he asked, shaking my head he gives up and wipes his hand over his nose.
"You missed a spot." I said signaling just above his mouth
"Where?"
Reaching out I slowly wiped it away, knowing I have to take whatever opportunities I have; and wiping ice cream away from Joe's lip is perfect.
"All gone." I smiled weakly and went back to eating my own
"So I'm thinking that we use this time to talk some more." Joe said clearing his throat
"Joe you say that about everything we do."
"That's because I want you to talk to me."
"I do talk to you."
"Not about yourself, you started telling me about your life but then you stopped."
"Because you said I didn't have to." I argued, he's trying to get something out of me. Why else would he be so desperate for me to talk.
"Well you don't have to, but it would be nice to find out-"
"Ok just say it, what is it that your dying to find out." I blurted out, Joe continued to stare at me, it's like he doesn't know what to say. Or he's just scared to ask. "Joe just say it." I sighed
"Why don't you ever talk about your dad?" he asked quietly
"I do talk about him."
"No, you occasionally mention him but you haven't actually talked about him."
Why can't he just get the hint, I don't want to talk about my dad. Just accept it for Christ's sake.
"Have you ever lost anyone you really cared about?" I asked trying to stay calm
"Er.... I had a dog that died, does that count?"
"How would you feel if I kept asking you and making you talk about your dead dog?"
"Well it was years ago so I'd be ok with it." he shrugged
"Ok well lets say your mum or dad died, would you want to talk about it over and over again."
"I'm not asking you to, you just need to talk about it once."
I just have to say it to him don't I? "Joe I don't want to talk about it."
"Why not?"
"I don't know." I shrugged
"If I tell you a secret about me are you up for talking about it?" Joe suggested slowing down his peddling speed. A secret? That could be beneficial for me.
"Maybe." I smiled eager to hear what he has to say.
"Ok, well there's something that you don't know." he sighed
Oh god, he's gonna tell me about the bet! I did not prepare for this, should I tell him that I already know or act like-
"I haven't had a girlfriend in 2 years."
"What?" I scrunched my face up in shock, what the fuck was that?! Who cares if he hasn't had a girlfriend in two years.
"Your turn."
"Your kidding right, that's your secret? You expect me to tell you about my dad because you've been single for 2 years." I scoffed
"Yep" he smiled
"No deal" finishing what was left of my ice cream and continuing to pedal I glanced at Joe who was looking down at his own feet. "What's wrong?" I sighed almost ready to give up. This guy has more mood changes then anyone else I've ever met.
"Huh? Nothing"
"Come on, spill it." I said lightly nudged him, he finished his ice cream then looked at me
"Don't get mad...... but you know when I was at your work earlier and I broke the chair-"
"Yea" I nodded not giving him the chance to finish
"Well this is probably going to sound really crazy..... but I kinda wanted to kiss you." he avoided looking me in the eyes but gave up swallowing hard as I continued staring at him.
"That's not crazy, people kiss each other all the time." I shrugged
"So if I had you'd be ok with it?" he looked at me slightly confused
"I don't know, never really thought about it...... Have you imagined what it would be like to kiss me Joe." I teased, smirking at him
"Er- wh-" he stuttered
"Joe I'm teasing you." I placed my hand on his arm leaving it there a few seconds longer, just for that added effect.
"Well have you ever thought about it?" he asked raising his eyebrows
I leant forward a little "Why don't you tell me." I whispered another smirk spreading across me face
"Clever, you trying to confuse me."
"I'm not trying to do anything...... But can I ask why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you want to kiss me?"
"I don't know, I guess I got the feeling you wanted to kiss me."
"And what gave you that I idea?"
"Well you did lean in pretty close, and you were playing with my hair."
"I was admiring your hair. Besides I'm not the one you started it, Mr you have really pretty eyes." I said in an obviously fake seductive voice
"It was a compliment." he laughed
"Just admit it, you like me. You want to kiss me, you hug me-" I sang as Joe continued to laugh quietly
"Your mean do you know that."
"Ah I'm sorry" I said in a baby voice "Let's head back, I wanna show you something."
"We've only been out here for like 10 minutes."
"Yea and it'll take 10 minutes to get back, that's 20 minutes."

***

"It's a scrapbook." Joe sighed as he sat on the bed "You brought us back here to show me a scrapbook."
"Appreciate it or get out." I threatened sitting next to him
"I live here."
"And I seep here..... Just look at it ok." I said handing it over. He turned the pages filled with photos
"Is that you?!" he gasped staring at a photo from my 9th birthday
"Yep, my ninth birthday." I nodded
"Look at all those people, did you invite the whole school?" he laughed in disbelief at the vast amount of people in the photo.
"Those are my friend, every single one of them." I sighed
"Are you kidding? There's like a hundred people."
"124" I corrected him "And I can still tell you the name, favorite colour and birthday of every single one of them"
"Wow. How did you lose that many friends?" he asked looking at me
"People grow up, make new friends. Find out who they are as people." I shrugged "I was too busy mourning my dad and watching my mum go on dates with random guys to do the same." I admitted. I know I shouldn't really be telling him this stuff seeing as he is using me but I can't completely shut him out otherwise he'll know something's going on.
"That must have been hard, didn't you have a best friend to talk to?"
"I did but I think she got tired of hearing about my problems, because the next thing I knew she was too busy to hang out with me anymore and we lost touch."
Joe nodded in silence and turned the page "Is that your dad?" I nodded
"That was taken 3 months before he died."
"How did your mum take it? Losing your dad I mean."
"She cried for a few weeks then all of a sudden a guy would show up at the house and introduce himself and they go out on a day, then the next weekend it would be a different guy. Until Allen came along anyway."
"What was he like at the beginning?"
"He was friendly, he never laid a hand on me until after my mum left-"
"Do you really not have any idea where she went?" Joe asked interrupting me.
"I have ideas but I'm not gonna go look for her."
"Why not?"
How many questions does he plan on asking me, this is getting ridiculous.
"Because she abandoned me." I said more rudely then intended "This is probably going to sound really bad but I used to wish that she and my dad switched places, so that she would die and I got him back."
"Wow, it really affected you didn't it." I looked down feeling Joe's hand over mine
"Yea.... but look lets not make this day turn depressive. It's been fun and I'd like to keep it that way." I slid my hand out from under his, giving it a pat.
"Sure. Do you have any more photos like this or is it just this scrapbook?"
"I have a lot, and yes I did bring them. There is no way i'd leave them at my house." I stood up going over to where I had put the rest of my photos.

****

"No! Don't look at that one!" I quickly snatched a photo of me when I was 5 wearing a swimsuit and had my hair in pigtails from Joe's hand. It has been a few hours and we are both still looking at my old family photos, we somehow ended up sitting on the floor with the photos scatted out in front of us.
"But you look so adorable." he laughed
"Oh god! It's David!" I squealed picking up a photo of me and my next door neighbor from when I was a kid. "I had the biggest crush on him." my jaw dropped as I continued staring at the picture
"Your like 4 in this picture."
"Hey girls can have crushes when they're that age. I miss him, his family moved when I was 7. I remember we kissed in his treehouse." I sighed
"You had your first kiss when you were 4?"
"No! I was 6 and three quarters. It wasn't like a full on make out, just a peck. But it was the best peck I ever had." I
"Yea ok wh-"
"Joe, Erica dinner's almost ready." Joe's mum said as she poked her head inside the room
"We'll be down in a minute." he smiled up at her "So back to this David, were you boyfriend and girlfriend?" he asked taking the photo from my hand
"Why are you jealous that he's kissed me and you haven't" I teased "And no we weren't, we were just good friends."
"I would love to have known you back then, you looked like you had so much fun."
"Are you saying I'm not fun now?"
"No I'm just saying that it's obviously harder for you to just let loose and not think about it now." he shrugged "Wow!" he eyes widened as he picked up a photo of me wearing a large grey jumper and baggy jeans.
"It was the 90's" I groaned "Blame my parents, they dressed me..... What about you, what did you dress like. I want to see pictures."
"Oh look it's you and Dave again." he said quickly changing the subject
"David" I corrected him "Oh my god, that was the day!" I gasped grabbing the photo
"What day?"
"The day we kissed in the treehouse." I sighed pressing it to my chest "I wonder what he looks like now."
"Best guess, short with extreme acne, bad personal hygiene and a little on the cubby side." Joe shrugged.
"Someone's a little jealous" I muttered nudging Joe's arm
"I'm not jealous, in fact-"
"Dinner's ready!" Joe's mum called from downstairs making him stop
"Oh well, I guess you can finish being jealous later." I said patting his arm and standing up
"I'm not jeal-"
"Look Joe, it's ok." I smiled as he stood up "And about earlier when you asked if I had ever thought about what it would be like to kiss you-" I paused leaning forward so I could whisper in his ear "The answer's yes." Stepping away from him I looked at his frozen expression and left the room smirking to myself.