Delude

I could hear the words in my head as if he had spoken them to me. Those words made me angry, made me want to hit something. I wasn’t that type of person, though.

As I walked down the hall after class, I saw Jade standing by a row of lockers. She looked annoyed about something, her blue eyes dark as I approached her.

“What’s wrong?”

“Evan told me what you did.” Her voice was bitter.

“What did I do?” I tried to sound surprised. He had gotten to her fast with whatever lie he invented in his own head.

“He said he asked you out and you freaked.”

I stared at her. “You believe that?”

“You have been weird lately.”

Wow, thanks.

“What else did he say?”

“He said you made up this shit about me, that you didn’t want anyone else liking him.” She was hurt.

I frowned. “He assumed I liked him and I don’t. He thought I made all that stuff up to-”

“Did you hit him?”

“I did but-”

Jade’s eyes narrowed and she stepped back from me. “I don’t know what your problem is recently but I think you need to talk to someone. Why the fuck would you hit anyone?”

“I hit him with my locker,” I said, glaring. “It was an accident.”

“He said you punched him.” She dropped all of her books and stared at me. “You have enough anger in you so I-”

“You’re kidding, right?” I could feel something nasty coil around my stomach and squeeze. I was not a violent person by any means.

“Maybe you need to talk to someone about your issues.” Jade tried again, thinking I hadn’t heard her the first time.

“I don’t have issues.” I scowled at her. I suddenly knew what the feeling was.

Jade’s mouth twisted. “You need to relax. Want me to take you to the nurse?”

“I’m not injured.”

“You should see if she can give you something to ease whatever you’re feeling.”

I frowned. “I’m not feeling anything but pissed.”

“You know,” Jade’s voice was thoughtful, “I never really noticed how bad you were before.”

“What are you talking about?” I felt the tears building behind my eyes, stinging. “You’ve known me for three years! I’m not an angry person, Jade!”

The disbelieving look in her eyes terrified me.

“I have to go,” she said hurriedly. “Evan’s waiting for me.”

I had three classes left. Three classes I didn’t feel like going to. So I walked down the hall while people bumped into me, hissing different things as they passed. Soon I ended up outside the school, and I collapsed into a heap on the grass.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I saw was students filing out of the front doors. The buses waited by the curb, the drivers probably anxious to get home.

I watched Jade step out with Evan, her arm twisted around his as they walked toward the back lot. I wanted to call out to her, but people were already staring at me since I’d been sleeping on the ground.

I picked myself off and dusted the dirt from my clothes, and then I began to walk away from everyone. I’d lost my ride home and I definitely was not taking the bus.

Just as I stepped off the curb in between two buses, a car screeched to a halt, almost running me down. I stared at the driver and recognized him as my Psychology teacher. I waved and kept walking. I glanced around and found that there was no one to even walk with on the way home.

I left the school and walked down the sidewalk toward the woods. It was sort of a safe haven for me when things went wrong, and right now I needed it. No one would know I was there and that made me feel better.

I found the trail easily, as it wasn’t too far from Grandview, and I steadied myself as I walked down the path, looking behind me to see the trees swallow me whole. Comfort settled in me and I grinned, then sat on a lonely looking stump and pulled out a cigarette.

“Fuck,” I murmured as I rummaged through my bag.

“Need a light?” a voice asked.

I glanced up into a pair of stormy-colored eyes.