The Rev That Saved Me

"Starr?" I knocked lightly on her bedroom door before hearing a meek 'Yeah?' from the other side. I gently pushed the door open a crack before Matt B. got impatient and pushed it open. "Way to be impolite." I said as I walked in her room and sat on her bed.

"Look who's talking!" He beamed as the rest of them walked in.

"We're family so it's cool." I shrugged as I smiled at her. How's life?" I asked as I stared at the baby's crib.

"Tiring." She sighed as the baby stirred and started fussing. "But rewarding." She smiled as she held up the beautiful baby girl.

"And beautiful." I said as I felt my heart squeezing. Oh how I wanted to hold my own baby and be a coddling mother like Starr was.

"Yes, she's very beautiful." She smiled down at her little girl and I whipped away a tear as I heard the chorus of 'Awes'.

Chicky- Poo, please don't put yourself in pain. Jimmy begged as he grasped onto my hand.

"Would you like to hold her?" Starr asked us and Johnny was the first to say yes.

"Hey little girl." He cooed and I felt my heart shatter at the sight of Johnny holding a baby. "What's her name?" He asked and I rolled my eyes.

"Angel already told us that it was Raven." Jason said and I giggled.

"Her FULL name." Johnny explained while bouncing Raven lightly.

"Raven Evelyn Jones." Starr said as she smiled at me. "Evie I'd be happy if you'd be her god mother." She said and I felt everyone's worried eyes burning holes into my body.

"I'd love too." I whispered before Johnny handed me my god daughter. "Hey Rave." I whispered before burring my face into her tiny form. It didn't take long for the tears to sting my eyes and the sobs to shake my body to it's core.

"Eve?" Johnny asked before Leanna took the baby from my arms.

"Baby girl..." I didn't let her finish as I got off the bed and bolted out of the room and to my own.

After I ran into my room I slammed the door shut and hid inside my closet. The safest place I could go to cry it all out. To mourn the shit out of my fucked up life.

"Why?" I asked the air around me. I didn't expect a reply to my own idiotic question, so imagine my surprise when Jimmy gave me one.

I don't know why. I don't know why you've lived a messed up life, why you can't be happy without something rearing it's ugly head around the corner and ruining it, but I know why you can't give up. People care for you out there, they want you to be happy and heal those wounds inside your heart. I want you to forget about your life in New York and live your life here happily. Please don't make our efforts go to waste. Please Chicky-Poo, try to survive these cards you're dealt with. Everything will work out in the end, I promise you.

"Eve?" I heard Johnny whisper as he peeled back the sliding door to the closet. "Eve, what's wrong?" He asked as he wrapped me into a hug.

"I want kids." I whispered as I clutched onto his shirt.

"Then we can have kids sometime down the road."

"I-- my body can't handle kids. Johnny, if I ever get pregnant I'll have a still birth." I sobbed out and I felt him hug me tighter.

"Those nightmares, was this what it was about?" He asked and I shook my head.

"Not at first, but for the past two weeks... Yes. I kept dreaming of the family that I've always wanted, yet I can't have." I whispered the last part before I felt his lips kissing every tear away.

"Eve, please tell me everything. I know everyone else knows this secret that you won't let me in on and it kills me that you can't tell me. I don't want to feel left out with you. The others, sure they're only family that tortures me, but Eve I love you and I want to know these things that they know and I don't." He explained as his voice cracked here and there.

"O-okay." I nodded before getting up and dragging him out of the closet. Once under the light I took off my pants and as I moved to the shirt Johnny placed his hands on mine to stop me.

"Please don't distract--" He stopped talking when I shook my head 'No'.

"Johnny, I'm not distracting you. I'm showing you." I said as I took off my Black Veil Brides long- sleeved shirt.

I heard him gasp at the scars as I turned my head to the side. I didn't want to see the disgust etched into his face. I turned and let him see the scars on my back from the wire hanger my brother used to whip me with. I winced lightly as I felt him tracing it as the memories of the wired hanger biting my flesh until it tore into my back flashed before my eyes.

"Who did this?" He growled and I visibly flinched at his tone.

"My b-brothers." I whispered before I heard the gasp escape his lips.

"What did your mother say to this?" I turned to him with hollow eyes.

" 'Don't get blood on the carpet.' " I said before I felt Johnny's arms around me.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered before kissing my neck. "I love you."

"I love you too..." I whispered as I hugged him back.

"AW!" The girls screamed and I turned bright red.

"Nice panties!" Matt and Jason shouted and I groaned.

"Get out of here and don't ruin a moment!" Johnny shouted before closing the door on the guys' faces. "Maybe you should put clothes on now." He stated while smiling at me as I moved to my dresser to get my jersey nightgown on.

"Yeah..." I trailed off as I put it on and sat on the bed.

"Eve, you're very beautiful and thank you for telling me your past." He whispered as he held me close in his arms.

"Thank you for being in my life." I whispered as I clutched his shirt.

Aw, I think I'm going to hurl at how touching this is. I smiled at Jimmy's comment before he left us alone.