The Rev That Saved Me

Days had passed since the engagement. Angel’s funeral and will reading will be tomorrow at noon, but really no one wanted to go to either. We had all missed her, and when we had to tell the people at the club… well it’s been closed for awhile now. The dancers and bartenders had been huddled up in the club crying over everything and anything that reminded them of our mother.

I hadn’t told anyone but Johnny why that note has effected me so. I was afraid that they’d be mad once they found out that I was the reason Angel had died. It was my mother who had her shot as a message to me. She was mad that I had left the family, well her family. I should have known that things could never be happy for me. My mom’s promise just proved me right.

“Baby, please eat.” Johnny begged and I shook my head.

“Not hungry.” I whispered and he sighed before placing a kiss on my forehead.

His lips lingered on my pale skin as I felt his tears scolding my cool flesh. “Please get better soon.” He whispered before walking away from me.

Johnny hasn’t left me alone since Angel’s death. He bugs me about eating when I’m not hungry, waking up when I just want to lay in bed forever, and trying to pry my attention away from the door way where the image of her pool of blood haunts me. Sure the sex has gotten better, but it’s just because he wants me to let out some emotions that he thinks I have pent up. It’s nothing bad, I’m more calm about this than the others. But maybe, that’s why Johnny’s so concerned for me.

“Matt, man, I can’t. I have to take care of Eve.” I heard Johnny say as he got stuff out to make dinner with.

“She’s eighteen, she can take care of herself. Plus, I doubt that after what she grew up with this is going to change her.” I heard Matt’s pleading tone say.

“Matt, she’s been acting so weird since Angel’s death. She doesn’t eat, she sleeps constantly, they only time she lets her emotions go is during sex, and she won’t let her eyes leave the door way.” Johnny said and I sighed as I slid down the wall.

“Okay one; I never want to hear about your sex life again. And two; I doubt it’s that bad.”

I looked at my bare feet as Johnny told Matt what I had told him the night at the hospital. How that note had my mom’s handwriting. The creepy feeling I had when Lea was chasing me. I had basically broke down in front of him wishing that I had died instead of Angel. I cursed the heavens that took her, the God that made me suffer through this life, and the family that had wanted me to be their punching bag forever.

“Matt, I’m not going on tour.” He said with finality in his tone.

“It’s in memory of Jimmy! Or do you not care about our friend?” Matt roared and I blinked back my tears.

“Johnny’s going on tour.” I said as I stood up and walked into the kitchen.

“No I’m no--”

“Hell I’ll pack his bags myself.” I said and Matt laughed stating that he’d leave it up to me.

We said our goodbyes and hung up. I looked to see Johnny glaring at me. On instinct I shrunk n my seat and my fingers started shaking before I had to remind myself that Johnny wouldn't hurt me. He promised me that on our first date and, if anything, I knew that both Johnny Christ and Jonathan Seward were true to their word.

"I'm not going on tour." He sighed and turned his back to me.

"Why not?" I asked as I sat the stool near the kitchen island.

"Because, who'll be here to protect you while we're gone? The only one who could take all of us on is pregnant and doesn't know about that creepy vibe you have and that your mom is a crazy bitch." He said with a louder tone than necessary.

"Johnny, I promise to be careful so please go with the guys. It's for Jimmy, your best friend. Everyone and their mother could see that you two were really close so if you don't do this tour they'll think that you really didn't care about Jimmy." I reasoned and he shook his head.

"You're more important than the fans." He said and I felt the anger raising inside of me.

"Johnny, go. I want you to go. You've been by my side since Angel's death so please go back to the thing you love most, the brothers you barely see, and the people who adore you. I beg you." I said and he turned so that he was facing me.

"And again I ask; what about you?" He asked and I grumbled.

"I'll stay with Lea and the other girls while you're gone. I'll have an escort to and from wherever I go. And I'll phone you everyday." I said and he smiled slightly.

"Fine." He whispered before kissing my lips lightly.

"When do you leave?" I asked and groaned.

"The day after tomorrow." He whispered apologetically and I just gave him a slight smile.

"At least it's not tomorrow, I don't think I can handle tomorrow without you." I whispered before kissing him passionately.

"Mmm. After dinner we can go upstairs and have an adventure in our bed." He offered and I grinned.

"Okay." I whispered before I placed my hand over his heart. "What's for dinner?" I asked as I walked back to the stool.

"Chicken." He beamed as he pulled the food out of the oven.

-----

It was the day of the funeral and I it surprised Johnny to see me up so early. Normally he’d ask why I’d be up before ten in the morning, but he knew that I’d be to anxious to actually sleep. Today we were saying out last goodbyes to Angel before we buried her. I knew I wasn’t ready, but really when is anyone ready to say goodbye to someone? The answer was simple; no one wants to say goodbye to anyone.

“Baby, you look great.” Johnny said as he hugged me from behind as I sat trying to apply my makeup.

“Thanks, I just wish this wouldn’t have to be the reason that I get to wear another dress.” I sighed as leaned into his warm embrace.

“I know.” He whispered before placing a kiss on my temple.

Sighing heavily I broke free from his arms and told him to go change. I saw Jimmy sitting on my bed already wearing his suit, he already promised me earlier that he was going to be there to help me. He smiled at me as I finished up the eye design that Angel had taught me after the first week of working at the club.

You look beautiful. Jimmy said and I smiled sadly at him.

“Thank you.” I whispered as I fought back my tears.

You can let it out. Jimmy cooed and I shook my head.

“Not after just doing this.” I said pointing to my eyes. He shrugged and laid on the bed.

I got up and slipped into my black satin heels that has a pleated design with black velour and black ruffle trim and a front bow. Clanking over to the full body mirror I checked to make sure that everything was in order. My black dress stopped mid thigh and had two rows of lacing under my chest and long sleeves that stopped at my mid forearm. I wore black pantyhose that had a vine like design on the calf. For my hair I just put on a black beret and let the rest hang down freely and my nails were painted a red and black colorful mix. On my wrist I tied a bandanna around it to symbolize our first meeting, the first person to take me in while I stayed in California. I had reduced my necklaces to the one Leanna had given me and the necklace that Angel had always worn, I doubt Lois would feel hurt by the gesture.

After her death Star had let me keep Angel’s heart and key necklace and told me that Angel’s son had given it to her for mother’s day before he died in a plane crash with Angel’s husband. Angel had barely spoken of her true family to me, only said that she would miss me when she would go meet them again. She often told me that I had reminded her of her husband and child. I had her husband’s strong will and determined personality, whereas, I had her son’s need for love and honesty. She told me on many accounts that I could have been like his twin since he wasn’t much older than me, just a month, and I felt myself blushing as she placed me with her first family. She just made me feel safe and warm, like a mother would.

“Babe, are you ready?” Johnny asked and I sighed.

“No, but do I have a choice?” I asked and he shook his head sadly.

“Afraid not.” He whispered before kissing my lips softly.

---

I sat in one of the many chairs laid out in front of the grave. Next to my left Star sat holding her crying baby, on my right was Bubbles, who was crying while wiping away her tears as she let her make up smudge and smear. Johnny stood behind me and rested his hand on my shoulder. Lea was on his right with her hand on the shoulder Johnny didn’t occupy. Zack and Bree stood by Johnny, Bree was trying to comfort the disheveled Bubbles. She really has blended in with our lives like this was where she belonged, and I was more than happy to see Zack with a sweet girl like her. Bri and Brian were standing behind Starr and comforting the grieving daughter that was holding Angel’s granddaughter. Matt and Val were standing near Bri and Brian, just trying to wrap their heads around the whole situation.

Don’t worry Chicky-Poo. We’ll always be here for you. Jimmy said as he sat near my legs.

I watched with hollow eyes as they lowered her white casket into the ground. I think realization hit us all at that point. As if on queue all of the ‘family’ broke into uncontrollable tears and cried for the woman who cared for us and looked at us when the rest of the world shut us out. I no longer cared about my make up, the pain was too much to even think about superficial things like makeup and beauty. I hunched over until my chest met my knees and I cried. It was like a dam being broken and watching the water rushing out. My throat began closing as memories of our guardian Angel flooded every thought inside of my body. I could barely hear Johnny calling my name and holding onto me.

“She’s taking it so much worse.” Star said before I felt her and Bubble’s arms around me.

“It’s okay sweetie, we’re here for you.” Bubbles cried out and I began to cry harder.

“Maybe we should go.” Lea suggested and I nodded my head, I knew I couldn’t handle the rest of this.

We walked back to the car and Johnny and I sat in the back seat. Somewhere along the line I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes again I was laying on Lea’s couch and I could hear the girls yelling.

“You’re leaving now?” Leanna cried and I felt my eyes go wide.

“I don’t want to! I don’t want to leave Eve, but she told me to go on this tour!” Johnny yelled and I took in a sharp breath.

“But, right after we buried her mother?” Bri argued and I shot off of the couch.

“I thought you were leaving tomorrow.” I said as I moved closer to them.

“No, apparently Jason sucks with dates and times.” Matt growled and Jason shot me an apologetic look.

“We’re leaving tonight.” Brian said as he held Bri.

“We’ll more like in ten minutes.” Zack said and my jaw dropped.

“Baby, I’m sorry.” Johnny said while moving forward.

“No, no it’s okay. I told you to go, and I meant it.” I whispered before we heard a bus honking.

“Ten minutes Jason? What happened to that?” Zack yelled and I rolled my eyes.

“I have to go babe.” Johnny whispered and I nodded. I kissed his lips and pulled back with a sad smile. “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.” Johnny whispered before running to join the other guys and girls out the door.

“It gets easier.” Lea said and I laughed lightly.

“I hope so.” I mumbled before hugging my sister.

“I love you Baby Girl.” She whispered and I smiled as a lone tear fell.

“I love you too lea.” I whispered as I felt Jimmy’s arms wrapping around the both of us.