I'm Not Okay (I Promise)
.o2.
As soon as we pulled up to our driveway, I was out of the car and practically squirming, waiting for Mikey to get out so I could lock it. As soon as he did, I hurried into the house, dropping my jacket and car keys on the table. Mom wasn't home and she wouldn't care if she was. I hurtled up the stairs to my room and sat on my bed, surveying the drifts of clothes, CDs, crumpled drawings and poems, half-eaten food. But today, none of that captured my attention. Today, I was thinking about Frankie. He was just some random new kid, my mind assured me. Nothing to dwell upon. And yet, in my head I was going over and over the moments where his eyes had scrutinized my face-a tiny part of me hoped against hope that he liked what he saw there. That part was immidiately squashed by insecurities. My hair was too stringy, my face was too sharp. I was nothing special, whereas he..was the best-looking guy I'd ever seen. Big green eyes, soft-looking hair and a short, slight build..I tried so hard to tell myself it was just envy that he was better looking than me. But that night, as I lay awake in bed watching the moon scorch silvery patterns on my walls, I was forced to realize that it was much more than that.
I had a crush on Frank Iero.
Already, I could feel the misery creeping in..again. This had happened before, me lusting after someone unnattainable, finally being driven mad enough to try to make a move..only to be shot down, time after time. It wouldn't be like that this time, I vowed. We had classes together, he sat with my friends at lunch..we would be friends, and only friends. "Gerard Arthur Way, you better not fuck this up," I mumbled to myself as I slid into unconsciousness.
--
The next morning me and Mikey met Frank near the front of the school. We were just about to head our seperate ways to classes when all of a sudden, some huge ape of a person came barreling right into Frank, sending him flying straight at me. Using all my strength, I managed to half-catch Frankie before he hit the ground, and give a death glare to Enourmous Guy, who was sneering at us derisively.
"Aw, did I hurt your boyfriend? Whaddya gonna do about it, fairy?" He smirked, before walking away, casually chopping Bob in the back of the head on his way over to his simpering girlfriend and idiot friends.
"What a fucker," remarked Ray mildly, examining the back of Bob's head for serious injury. They started arguing about whether or not Bob should see a nurse, and Mikey had wandered off to class, but all that I could notice was that I was still carrying Frank, bridal style no less, and that he was looking at me with his captivating green eyes, blushing his head off. And if he was red, I didn't even want to think what color I was. But I felt sort of purple. Glowing with joy and gasping for air, that sort of thing. Frank made no move to try and remove himself from my arms, just looked at me with a small half-smile on his face. I gently let him down and checked for bruises, before floating through the rest of the day and my hour-long detention for being so late. Floating on the memory of Frankie in my arms.
--
I forgot how much I hated this story.
But alas, there are like thirteen more parts typed and ready for you, if you want them.
I had a crush on Frank Iero.
Already, I could feel the misery creeping in..again. This had happened before, me lusting after someone unnattainable, finally being driven mad enough to try to make a move..only to be shot down, time after time. It wouldn't be like that this time, I vowed. We had classes together, he sat with my friends at lunch..we would be friends, and only friends. "Gerard Arthur Way, you better not fuck this up," I mumbled to myself as I slid into unconsciousness.
--
The next morning me and Mikey met Frank near the front of the school. We were just about to head our seperate ways to classes when all of a sudden, some huge ape of a person came barreling right into Frank, sending him flying straight at me. Using all my strength, I managed to half-catch Frankie before he hit the ground, and give a death glare to Enourmous Guy, who was sneering at us derisively.
"Aw, did I hurt your boyfriend? Whaddya gonna do about it, fairy?" He smirked, before walking away, casually chopping Bob in the back of the head on his way over to his simpering girlfriend and idiot friends.
"What a fucker," remarked Ray mildly, examining the back of Bob's head for serious injury. They started arguing about whether or not Bob should see a nurse, and Mikey had wandered off to class, but all that I could notice was that I was still carrying Frank, bridal style no less, and that he was looking at me with his captivating green eyes, blushing his head off. And if he was red, I didn't even want to think what color I was. But I felt sort of purple. Glowing with joy and gasping for air, that sort of thing. Frank made no move to try and remove himself from my arms, just looked at me with a small half-smile on his face. I gently let him down and checked for bruises, before floating through the rest of the day and my hour-long detention for being so late. Floating on the memory of Frankie in my arms.
--
I forgot how much I hated this story.
But alas, there are like thirteen more parts typed and ready for you, if you want them.