Words Only Count If You Mean Them

Chapter 8

Lex, and I had sex for the first time in our whole year and two days of dating. The only thing is I fucked up. He said he was ready, but wasn’t. I probably just screwed up our whole relationship right there. I should have ignored it, waited awhile longer. I should have made him push the subject further. Let him make the first move. I shouldn’t have done anything.

I’m a terrible boyfriend.

I pick up my phone and dial, “Zack, I need to talk to you and Rian, really soon.”

What happened? He asks, worry lining his voice.

“I can’t tell you over the phone.”

Okay, I’ll pass the message over to Rian and I’ll be over in twenty. He says and hangs up.

I pace around my house, waiting. I swear if he didn’t get here soon I’d kill someone. I start speaking incoherent sentences, even to myself. I can’t find any reason other then he thought he was ready but wasn’t.

Here I was overreacting again.

No. No, I wasn’t. I had hurt Alex. I was pretty sure not physically (or at least he didn’t show that.), but I knew he was adamant about being ready. And I think that he thought a year together meant we should have sex, a while ago.

I was fidgeting right now and I couldn’t stop. I ran to my door, when I heard car door close. I swung the door open, just as Zack was about to knock.

“Wow,” he jumped back, surprised.

“Sorry,” I mumble. We head over to the couch and sit.

They look at me expectantly, waiting for me to speak, “Um, well… I’m not really sure what to say.”

“Just say it Barakat.” Rian says.

“Well, Alex and I had sex earlier.”

Zack’s eyes widen, “Wow, dude too much information right there.”

Rian smacks him, “He wasn’t done Zack, continue.” Leave it to Rian to know this.

“Well, he said he was ready and after he wouldn’t let me touch him. And then he like ran home.” My voice cracks, my throat gets tight. “A-and I don’t know why.”

Zack’s the first to speak, “Are you sure he was ready, like did you ask him more than once?”

I nod, “Multiple times. Every time I did something new I did. He never said to stop or anything.”

“Well,” Rian starts, “Maybe he thought he was ready, but afterwards maybe he thought he should’ve waited more. It has to be that, or there’s something he’s not telling you.”

“No it’s got to be the first one. Alex tells me everything. There’s no reason he wouldn’t. Even if he cheated on me he’d tell me.”

“Then, call him, Jack, tell him you guys need to talk about what happened.” This time Zack’s speaking. “Because from the sound of this, it sounds like you guys really need to talk this out.”

I nod, “I will.” Zack and Rian get up, seeing that they are done here. “Thanks guys. You’re great.”

Zack nods and Rian speaks, “No problem, Jack, you’re like a brother to us.”

They leave and I find my phone. I call speed dial 1 and wait.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Hi, you’ve reached Alex; I can’t come to the phone right now. Chances are I’m either with Jack or feel like ignoring you, Mom. Leave a message after the beep and I’ll get back to you, except I won’t get back to you Mom because chances are, I’m in trouble, or it’s something about me having sex. So Mom, don’t expect a call back, in fact don’t even bother leaving a message. Bye.

I sigh, “Hey, Lex, it’s me. Um we need to talk about what went down today. I’m really sorry. You weren’t ready. I should have ignored it, when you said you were. I’m really sorry. Please call me back, baby.” I hang up and run my finger through my hair, making a mental note to shower.

Ten minutes go by, then a half hour, and then it’s an hour after. I can’t stop looking at my phone. I swear I’m staring at it so much, it could’ve exploded.

I take a deep breath and call speed dial 1 again.

It rings five times again and Alex’s voice fills my ears again.

Hi, you’ve reached Alex; I can’t co- I press the key and leave another message.

“Listen Lex, I know, I fucked up, just please call me back. Alex, I really need to hear your voice soon.”

I groan.

He was ignoring me. We’d never had this happen to us before. I’m scared. I can’t live without Alex. And he couldn’t live without me.

Couldn’t he?