Please Don't Forgive Me

It was late by the time the tree was trimmed and we were curled up on the couch. “Are you sure you don’t want to know?”

“Garrett,” I warned dragging out his name. He laughed and moved his hands down to my stomach. I smiled at his touch.

“I’m just asking. I figured you’d want to know that we’re having…” I cut him off by covering his mouth with my hand. “So close,” he laughed. “Oh, so close.”

“Tell me on Christmas,” I smiled. “That can be your present for me.”

“But if you don’t want to know then it isn’t really a good present,” he responded softly.

“I do want to know and I don’t want to know. I want something to look forward to during my twenty some odd hours of labor.” He laughed into the crook of my neck and then kissed my collar bone.

“You get to look forward to meeting them,” he smirked.

“You know what I mean Garrett.” He sighed and fell back on the couch pulling me with him.

“You really, really don’t want to know?” I tried to stifle an annoyed laugh, but it slipped past my lips anyway. “You really don’t?”

“I don’t know Garrett. I can find out at anytime if I want to. Right now I want to remain in the dark.” He let out a loud sigh and I playfully smacked him on the arm.

“I just want to tell you so badly though,” he mumbled. “This is something that you’re supposed to know,” he whined. “You’re the mom.”

“Garrett,” I whined in reply.

“Is it working? Do you want to know yet?” he asked anxiously.

“No,” I replied flatly.

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It was Christmas Eve and the guys, Mia, and Hannah were all over for us to exchange holiday gifts; tomorrow would be spent with family. We had all opened our gifts and Garrett was dying to tell me the genders of our children. I shushed him and told him later and he obliged claiming he had another gift for me anyway.

Garrett slowly bent down on one knee and everyone waited with bated breath for him to ask the oh so clichéd question. “Anika,” he began. His voice was rough; he was nervous. “Anika, you’ve always meant everything to me. You’ve always meant more than a best friend and I’m almost certain that I’ve been in love with you since middle school. I am already incredibly happy to have you as my girlfriend and the mother of my children, but I would be even happier if you’d agree to be my wife.” He paused for a minute and then asked “Anika Albert, will you marry me?”

Everyone was sitting on the edge of their seats with these huge grins on their faces. My gaze moved from Garrett and then darted back and forth between everyone in the room. When a good minute had passed and I didn’t answer, everyone’s smiles fell. Garrett still sat nervously at my feet and everyone else stood to flee to the kitchen no doubt so that they could still hear what was going on.

“Anika,” he said slowly and broken sounding, “don’t you want to marry me?” I couldn’t force any words out of my mouth and both of us were tearing up.

“Garrett,” I choked out. “Garrett, no,” I said letting my tears slide down my cheek. He stood up embarrassed and walked toward the door. “No, Garrett, wait! It isn’t like that. It’s not what you think.”

“No, I see how it is,” he said opening the door. I knew I would regret the word the minute it slipped past my lips. I knew that I should say yes, but I just couldn’t.