Impulse

Emma sat in her bathtub quietly, the sound of water running filled the room. Emma sighed, running her fingers over her legs, bruises had faded, cuts had healed. Resting her head on her knees, Emma closed her eyes, listening to the running water, enjoying the silence, the serenity. Pulling her body forward, Emma turned the hot water off, stretching her body into the hot water.

She stared up at the ceiling, face flushed. One month had passed since she told Julian about Brian, and she hadn’t heard from him since. She was glad, she didn’t want to drag Julian into this mess. She figured he had gotten the message. She had seen him around, at the beach, in restaurants, at his house. She had run into him once or twice, only to be ignored. Yet, Emma didn’t mind.

Emma sighed, running her fingers over the bubbles that covered her body. That hopeless, empty feeling was beginning to kick in, and she was missing Brian. She ran her hands over her hair, smoothing the curly locks as she went under. She came back up seconds later, opening her eyes, blinking rapidly to keep water droplets from going into her eyes.

She missed Brian, his smell, his smile. His hands, everything she could think of, she missed. Closing her eyes; Emma couldn’t help but notice how life was passing her by. She needed somebody, somebody to grab her, lead her in the right direction, to slow her down. She knew that somebody could be Brian, something told her that it wouldn’t be.

She sat up quickly, stretching her back, sitting up straight. She glanced at the three object that lay on her bathroom counter. Biting the inside of her cheek, Emma stood up, water falling off of her body as she stepped out, the rug underneath her feet absorbing the liquid. She wrapped the green towel around her body, walking over to the sink.

Inhaling deeply, Emma grabbed the object, staring down at it, glaring. She bit her bottom lip, closing her eyes as she read the word on the screen. Shaking her head; she moved onto the next, picking it up, yellow nails tapping against the plastic. Not seeing any difference, she set it back down, picking up the last. The word stared back at her, mocking.

‘Pregnant’

She wanted to cry, to throw the tests away, to wish it wasn’t true. She knew it was, it was staring her in the face. She didn’t want this to happen to her, not now. In anger she threw the test across the room, the small object hit the wall before falling to the floor. Emma covered her eyes, her shoulders shaking as she lowered herself to the floor.

She figured the spotting was from an altered menstrual cycle, and the headaches from stress and injuries. She looked down, shaking her head. She knew all along, she only pushed the thought to the back of her head. The nausea, vomiting. She ran her fingers over the surface of her hair, shaking her head as she did so, she didn’t want to believe it.

The towel had fallen from her body, leaving Emma a naked, wet and angry heap on the bathroom floor. She wanted to hurt something, she wanted to scream at the top of her lugs, throwing something across the room once again. She wanted to let her anger out, unleash it upon whomever happened to be around. She knew it wasn’t her fault.

She stood up; grabbing the towel, wrapping it around her body as she walked into her bedroom. Pulling on the clothes she left out for herself, she smiled. Sitting down on the bed, she laid back, letting the memories of seven years ago play in her head. She was so happy then, she wished she had that back, she wanted everything to be okay.

She stood up, placing her hands on her hips as she walked over to her window. Pushing away the curtains, she didn’t see Brian. She cleared her throat, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion. She hadn’t heard from Brian since she moved back in with her parents, and he had stopped watching her two weeks prior, she had just hoped that he was leaving, and coming back.

She was afraid that he had moved on. She had to go back, she knew she had to. She wanted her new baby to grow up right this time, she bit her lip. She was scared that Brian was going to reject her, and her pregnancy. Closing her eyes, she walked over to her bed, sitting down. Abortion, the word lingered. A soft knock on the door brought her out of her thoughts.

“Come in.” She called.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Jacob asked, coming into the room.

“Nothing, sitting here. I was getting ready to go downstairs and get something to eat.” She said.

“Do you mind if I join you?” Jacob asked, Emma shook her head.

Emma stood from the bed, walking out of her bedroom. Abortion, she sighed. To her, it seemed like a good idea, this was an unexpected, and very unwanted pregnancy. She wasn’t going to tell anybody, she decided. She didn’t want them to know, she knew they would convince her into keeping the baby, like they had done those seven years ago.

Emma opened the fridge, pulling out a carton of chocolate Silk. She poured herself a glass, also one for Jacob. She sat at the island across from the boy, taking small sips from the glass, careful not to upset her stomach. Jacob stared at her from across the way, his eyes almost looking through her, he could see there was something wrong.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

“Hm? What do you mean?” Emma asked.

Jacob chucked. “You know what I mean, what’s wrong?” He asked.

“ Nothing, why?” She asked.

“You seem troubled. Something’s on your mind.” He stated.

Emma shook her head. “Nothing is on my mind. I’m fine, Jake.” She said.

“No. There is something going on--” He took a drink from his glass, “In that big head of yours, why hide it? I always find out anyway.”

“Jake, I can assure you that there is nothing wrong with me” She lied.

“Stop lying, Em.” He smiled. “I saw the tests. If you want to keep your pregnancy a secret, you shouldn’t keep the proof in plain sight.” He took a drink from his glass.

“Look. Jake” She sighed, running her fingers through her damp hair. “You can’t tell anybody, okay? I don’t want anybody to know. I’m getting rid of it soon anyway.” She explained.

“Wait…What? No you’re not.” He said, his voice stern.

“Jake, its my body. Therefore its my choice. You have nothing to do with this” She stood up, walking away.

“Yeah. It may be your body.” He stood up quickly, following her. “But that is my cousin in your womb. And as long as I’m around you’re not getting an abortion. You were the one who opened your legs for him, don’t punish your child because he forgot to put on a condom.”

“Its not even a baby yet, Jacob.” She threw her hands up. “And it is none of your business what me and my husband do.”

“Alright. Well if its not a baby, then what are you aborting, huh?” He placed a hand on his hip. “If there is nothing to abort, then why are you getting it done then?”

“You don’t understand, Jacob.”

He laughed bitterly. “I think I do. You made one simple mistake, and now that your paying for it you want to go and punish the outcome?” He scoffed. “That’s pretty pathetic, Emma.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Jake. So shut the fuck up, and leave me alone.” She said, walking up the stairs.

“Yeah. Okay, I don’t know what I’m talking about. But what I do know is that you’re running away, like a coward. You think that aborting the baby will make everything better, don’t you? This makes no sense to me, Emma. Please, inform me,” He paused, his voice becoming weak. “How you could get pregnant at 18 years old, keep the baby, and be happy. But you can’t do it now.”

“I never said I couldn’t, Jacob.” She sighed. “Me and Brian aren’t on the greatest terms, I-I just… I guess I don’t want the baby to grow up without a father.” She explained.

“Emma. A baby doesn’t need a father to grow up right, you should know that,” He walked up to her. “If Brian doesn’t accept the baby, then that’s him, it has nothing to do with you or your baby. He’s just going to miss out on a very good opportunity.”

“You’re right.” She said, looking at the boy.

“I usually always am.” He laughed, bringing Emma into a hug, running his hand across her shoulder blades. “You take care of that baby, okay?”

“Yeah, I will.”

“Good. What are you going to do about Brian?” He asked.

Emma sighed, looking over at him. “I’m going to go back” She grinned. “I’m going to get Brian back.”