James
Regret
Dead. Not a word any junior in high school should have to hear. But, what should be isn’t always how life works out. There Greg and I were, simply being teenagers, and all of a sudden our best friend is hurt… and his girlfriend dead? Who should have to deal with something like that?
The hospital was warm, white, and smelled far too sterile. I didn’t like it. The last time I’d been in here was my freshman year, and now I was here because James wasn’t invincible. Oh, how I wanted him to be.
His room was stark and quiet, save for the beeps that projected his heart rate to us in that big, white room. When I asked the doctor what happened to him, all he had to say was “car,” and I knew James wouldn’t be doing well. Everyone at that party had seen how drunk he was. The only one more wasted was Stephanie. If they went out onto the road in that condition… it was a wonder he was still alive.
I pulled the plastic chair to his bedside, the scraping noise making me jump. The groan of the chair made him stir, and as he opened his eyes, he gave me a small smile.
“I’m in deep this time, huh?” He whispered.
“Nah,” I shook my head. “It’s like that detention we served back in elementary school. Give it a little time, and you’ll be out of here, I promise.” This made his smile drop a little.
“You really think so, E?” I nodded. “Because right now, babe, I’m not feeling so hot.” We laughed at that together.
“I really messed up this time.” James began. I started to cut him off, but he stopped me. It hadn’t dawned on me until that point just how frail he looked. “No Eve, I've got to say this. I am so, so sorry. I’m sorry for telling Mia you liked Greg back in freshman year. I’m sorry I got you detention for the worm thing in fifth grade, and for that time I punched Greg in the eye. I’m sorry for ignoring you your first day of freshman year; I was a jackass. And I’m so, truly sorry for choosing Steph over you and Greg. I can’t tell you how bad I screwed up. She was bad, Evie, real bad. I fucked up. I’m sorry.” His voice cracked on the last syllable as tears welled in his eyes. Where this all came from I didn’t know, so I comforted him as best I could.
“James, you need to understand that we all screw up. What you have to do now is forgive yourself for everything, because God knows I forgive you.” With that, I jumped up and hugged him, being careful of the protruding wires that seemed to cover every inch of him. Even with my added precautions, my hug was probably more torture on his body that comfort. He still had a lot of internal bleeding and looked even paler than when I’d first walked in.
“Eve, There’s one more thing I need to say I that I probably haven’t said in a long time. I love you.” My heart swelled with warmth at his words. No feeling in the world matched up to that. To know someone so close to you cares for you is the best feeling in the world.
“James, I love you, too. So, so much. Now get some rest.” I kissed James on the forehead, but as I was walking out, something seemed to flicker on James’ face.
“Evie.” He called quietly. “I really do love you.” I nodded my head.
“I know, James—” he stopped me with a wave of his hand and a sad smile.
“No. Just… please know that I’ll be around to help you when you need it, okay? Talk to me whenever you have a problem.” I raised my eyebrow, mirroring Gregory’s signature response.
“Okay.” I smiled, I’ll see you soon. The smile James sent me in response to my statement was not a positive one. I could see the fear in his eyes, and that he wanted to say something else, but I let it go.
That was a mistake I still regret to this day. As I walked out of his hospital room, I didn’t realize I was walking out on him for the last time. Later that night, while he was sound asleep, his body couldn’t take it anymore. He was too weak. As I looked at the gravestone during the funeral…
James Christopher Rader
Born February 3, 1990
Died January 2, 2009
A Loving Brother and Friend to All
Rest in Peace
It finally set in that my brother was dead, and I would never see him again.
The hospital was warm, white, and smelled far too sterile. I didn’t like it. The last time I’d been in here was my freshman year, and now I was here because James wasn’t invincible. Oh, how I wanted him to be.
His room was stark and quiet, save for the beeps that projected his heart rate to us in that big, white room. When I asked the doctor what happened to him, all he had to say was “car,” and I knew James wouldn’t be doing well. Everyone at that party had seen how drunk he was. The only one more wasted was Stephanie. If they went out onto the road in that condition… it was a wonder he was still alive.
I pulled the plastic chair to his bedside, the scraping noise making me jump. The groan of the chair made him stir, and as he opened his eyes, he gave me a small smile.
“I’m in deep this time, huh?” He whispered.
“Nah,” I shook my head. “It’s like that detention we served back in elementary school. Give it a little time, and you’ll be out of here, I promise.” This made his smile drop a little.
“You really think so, E?” I nodded. “Because right now, babe, I’m not feeling so hot.” We laughed at that together.
“I really messed up this time.” James began. I started to cut him off, but he stopped me. It hadn’t dawned on me until that point just how frail he looked. “No Eve, I've got to say this. I am so, so sorry. I’m sorry for telling Mia you liked Greg back in freshman year. I’m sorry I got you detention for the worm thing in fifth grade, and for that time I punched Greg in the eye. I’m sorry for ignoring you your first day of freshman year; I was a jackass. And I’m so, truly sorry for choosing Steph over you and Greg. I can’t tell you how bad I screwed up. She was bad, Evie, real bad. I fucked up. I’m sorry.” His voice cracked on the last syllable as tears welled in his eyes. Where this all came from I didn’t know, so I comforted him as best I could.
“James, you need to understand that we all screw up. What you have to do now is forgive yourself for everything, because God knows I forgive you.” With that, I jumped up and hugged him, being careful of the protruding wires that seemed to cover every inch of him. Even with my added precautions, my hug was probably more torture on his body that comfort. He still had a lot of internal bleeding and looked even paler than when I’d first walked in.
“Eve, There’s one more thing I need to say I that I probably haven’t said in a long time. I love you.” My heart swelled with warmth at his words. No feeling in the world matched up to that. To know someone so close to you cares for you is the best feeling in the world.
“James, I love you, too. So, so much. Now get some rest.” I kissed James on the forehead, but as I was walking out, something seemed to flicker on James’ face.
“Evie.” He called quietly. “I really do love you.” I nodded my head.
“I know, James—” he stopped me with a wave of his hand and a sad smile.
“No. Just… please know that I’ll be around to help you when you need it, okay? Talk to me whenever you have a problem.” I raised my eyebrow, mirroring Gregory’s signature response.
“Okay.” I smiled, I’ll see you soon. The smile James sent me in response to my statement was not a positive one. I could see the fear in his eyes, and that he wanted to say something else, but I let it go.
That was a mistake I still regret to this day. As I walked out of his hospital room, I didn’t realize I was walking out on him for the last time. Later that night, while he was sound asleep, his body couldn’t take it anymore. He was too weak. As I looked at the gravestone during the funeral…
James Christopher Rader
Born February 3, 1990
Died January 2, 2009
A Loving Brother and Friend to All
Rest in Peace
It finally set in that my brother was dead, and I would never see him again.