Finding Myself

That’s How You Get What? The Urge To What He Meant Made Me Curious.

“What do you mean? You get like this? What?” I asked.

“Nothing.” He said looking down. “Anybody could tell you this and then maybe you’d care, but with me it’s different…,” He paused. “I’ve liked you since the first day I saw you. And I was going to tell you all this at that party. But I couldn’t find you so I checked in one of the rooms, and this creep was…He was…Fucking around with you! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be telling you all this.”

I sat there dazed. Just dazed. “Oh, you like me?”

His lips were closed tightly in a straight line, he was thinking. I was thinking. Or was I trying not to think? Whatever I was doing, it was giving me a headache. He stood up and walked around the bed to the window from this morning. His tall body was being hugged slightly by his new cleaner outfit, dark jeans and a vintage t-shirt. “I think I said things too early,” he mumbled. He looked at me and then turned his back towards me and walked out of the room.

I sat there still dazed. Wow. I don’t know what to think about that. All of today and yesterdays feelings flooded my brain with questions. But most were about Matt.

Ever since I moved from the big city to this average town…he’s liked me. That was all the positive I could take from this early starlit morning...

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My mom came to check on me at 8 in the morning.

“Are you ok?” she asked, worry drowning her features, her ageless eyes.

“Yeah, just didn’t sleep much,” I said rolling over slowly to face her.

“Ok. Ready to go home baby?” she smiled lightly.

“Yes please,” she laughed. I smiled.

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I laid down onto the bed slowly. The pain in my chest still didn’t stop me from groaning lightly. I sighed and reached for my laptop on the nightstand beside my bed. And then I did the obvious, checked my internet social life. Since my ‘social life’ was thriving around the fact about me being M.I.A. I logged off.

My mom walked in the room and looked at me. “You need anything? Medicine?”

“Tylenol?” I smiled.

“Yeah. Sure thing baby,” she grinned.

She brought my bag in from the hospital, and settled it on the corner of my bed. I smiled. She handed me a cup of water and a small red pill. I examined its spherical shape and put it my mouth, downed some water…I felt the pill scraping my throat on its way down and I flinched lightly. I hate pill-taking.

“I’ll be in my room,” my mom announced then left the room for her ritual constant nap. “Call if you need anything.”

“Ok,” I croaked. She smiled and shut the door behind her.

I looked over the gray thin duffel bag and reached over ignoring the slight pain in my chest the stretch caused, and pulled it closer to me. I unzipped the top only and saw a white flat object. I picked it up, a paper folded in twice.

‘Jacey, I am forever going to think that I’ve said things too early. But now that it’s out there, I think I have the nerve to ask…ask you on a date?’ On the reverse side there was a smiley and Matts name in red ink. Different from the black ink on the inside. Under Matts name was a phone number. I grinned like an idiot.

I got up, paper in hand, to the phone downstairs. I walked slowly, trying to avoid waking my mother. When I reached the bottom stair I did a victory hop and groaned. I’m going to have to get used to uselessness for awhile.

I sat on the living room couch, I stared at the paper and realized I was still grinning like an idiot. I laughed silently to myself. I am such a loner, I thought to myself. Suddenly the phone was calling my name, and the angels sang…

“Hello? Andrews residents…” I giggled.

“Jacey? How are you? Doing better? This is Matt,” He said all at once.

“Yes, this is Jacey. I Couldn’t be better. And hello Matt. How'd you get my number stalker?” I joked.

I could tell he was smiling on the other end. “Funny story, lets just say your mom likes me already. I was wondering-”

“Yes, I’d like to go on a date with you,” I cut him off.

“Oh, I was just calling, Uh yeah sure,” he said chuckling.

“Ah, sorry about the cut off, was that your intention? A date? I’m sorry, I should’ve let you finish,” I went on until I could hear him chuckling again.

“No I was just going to ask if you got that…uhm, paper.”

Even though he was on the other line, I could tell he was blushing.

“Yes, I got the paper,” it was my time to start blushing and he could tell too. It was strange on how this phenomenon worked, but it just clicked.

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Movie with Matt on a Saturday night was all I was looking forward to.

I smiled knowing he liked me, and that I was starting to like him too. Who knows what will come my way…