Put Love on Hold
Brendon
Nothing was clearer to me than the fact that I loved Ryan. I didn’t even need to be around him to know it for a fact. I could go weeks without seeing or touching him and I’d still be completely sure of how much I loved him. When I wasn’t with him, though, my chest—my heart ached. When he wasn’t around he was on my mind constantly. I couldn’t get him out of my head even when he was around. But those times, my heart didn’t ache. It only ached when he was gone.
I knew that in only a matter of time, Ryan wouldn’t be here. Then the ache would return.
---
I lay awake in my bed with Ryan sleeping soundly beside me. My ears were focused on the sound of his breathing while my eyes were unfocused, looking straight above me. Tonight was our last night together. In a few hours we would be getting up and I’d bring Ryan to the airport. He was going to New York to work on bigger and better things while I stayed in Nevada doing—doing something. I wasn’t sure yet.
I rolled onto my side and focused my eyes on Ryan’s face and all I could think of was how much I wanted him to be awake with me. I wished that he would have at least a little bit of trouble sleeping. It made me doubt his feelings for me. I couldn’t help but wonder whether or not Ryan felt the same way that I did. Was it tearing him apart that we didn’t know when we would see each other again? Did he worry about what would happen to me while he was gone? Did he wonder what would happen if I met someone else? Someone better?
I know those are things that I worried about. I worried that Ryan would meet someone better than me. Someone that understood him better. I could tell when he’d get annoyed with me when I didn’t understand something he said. I knew he hated explaining things to me and that he wished that I would just get it.
I rolled onto my back again, my eyes shutting this time. I squeezed them shut tightly, trying to will away the negative thoughts I had allowed myself to have. I knew Ryan loved me. He was always reassuring me. He always reminded me, whether it was in words or actions. Either way he always let me know.
I knew that in only a matter of time, Ryan wouldn’t be here. Then the ache would return.
---
I lay awake in my bed with Ryan sleeping soundly beside me. My ears were focused on the sound of his breathing while my eyes were unfocused, looking straight above me. Tonight was our last night together. In a few hours we would be getting up and I’d bring Ryan to the airport. He was going to New York to work on bigger and better things while I stayed in Nevada doing—doing something. I wasn’t sure yet.
I rolled onto my side and focused my eyes on Ryan’s face and all I could think of was how much I wanted him to be awake with me. I wished that he would have at least a little bit of trouble sleeping. It made me doubt his feelings for me. I couldn’t help but wonder whether or not Ryan felt the same way that I did. Was it tearing him apart that we didn’t know when we would see each other again? Did he worry about what would happen to me while he was gone? Did he wonder what would happen if I met someone else? Someone better?
I know those are things that I worried about. I worried that Ryan would meet someone better than me. Someone that understood him better. I could tell when he’d get annoyed with me when I didn’t understand something he said. I knew he hated explaining things to me and that he wished that I would just get it.
I rolled onto my back again, my eyes shutting this time. I squeezed them shut tightly, trying to will away the negative thoughts I had allowed myself to have. I knew Ryan loved me. He was always reassuring me. He always reminded me, whether it was in words or actions. Either way he always let me know.
♠ ♠ ♠
I'll post Part 2 and 3 later today.Part 2 will be in Ryan's P.O.V. and Part 3 will be in third person.
Comments are appreciated.
~Sally