Falling Into Shadows

My stomach was growling with exasperation, and it was only the third hour of school. There was less than an hour left before lunch would begin, but I couldn’t bring myself to succumb to the nearly irresistible temptation of food. I would not eat food, and I would not think about the lustful taste of golden French fries. I also would not wonder how amazing it would feel if they would melt on the tip of my tongue because food was absolutely disgusting and eating it would only result in me gaining weight.

The clock was ticking in the background, and I was unfortunate enough to sit near the source of the disruption in the air. The hour hand of the clock was lurching closer to the Roman numeral 11 as my Chemistry teacher, Mr. Evans, was droning on about the different types of chemical reactions. He mentioned earlier about the functions of catalysts and explained how they sped up reactions, but I couldn’t prevent my mind from wondering off to dreamland.

I wondered if there was a catalyst for speeding up the removal of imperfections, but there probably weren’t any, and it was probably inane of me to consider the thought of it, for such a thing did not exist. I heaved a sigh as I absentmindedly copied down the notes on the board. It wasn’t extremely difficult for me to grasp the concepts of chemistry, but I didn’t particularly like the subject that much either.

Perhaps it was due to the deprivation of sleep, but I couldn’t seem to concentrate in any of my classes today, even though I hadn’t gone through the full eight sluggish hours of school yet and had came back from a tedious lesson on geometric proofs not so long ago. The effects of exhaustion began to rush through my veins, compelling me to fight the war between my eyes and me. It was always a never-ending battle between staying awake and surrendering to the thought of sleep, but I knew better than to succumb.

My somnolence was most likely due to the unfortunate events that had taken place the day before. My parents had kept me up all night with their endless bickering about some nonsense that I couldn’t care less about. They had probably argued about another dinner party they had to attend over the weekend or some charity event they needed to organize soon. Whatever the reason might have been, they were the cause of my lack of sleep and my intolerant attitude this morning.

I should have drunken coffee before I had left the house to go to school, but I was oblivious to the thought of how effective caffeine might have been to alleviate the sleeping spell I was currently suffering from. It was stupid of me to forget to have my morning cup of coffee because there weren’t any calories in black coffee, and the last time I checked, coffee wasn’t food.

“Stop thinking about food you foolish, pudgy girl.”

I groaned in annoyance and resisted the temptation to smack myself on the forehead for being so forgetful. Of course, she would be back again for another chance to prompt me of my weight. Wasn’t it bad enough that she was here yesterday to insult me in front of the mirror?

“I’m returning back your exams,” Mr. Evans stated, passing back everyone’s graded tests and dragging me out of dreamland. His monotonous voice really did not help make his class less tedious than it already was, and it was no surprise that some of his students were often sleeping during his dull lessons.

Mr. Evans made his way towards my desk and handed me back my exam before he moved on to the next unfortunate soul. I didn’t bother looking at the test grade I received because I already knew that if I had failed the exam, then he would have certainly told me to come see him after class. I disregarded the test and abruptly crammed it inside a green folder that held previous tests I had taken, crumpling it up in the process.

The warning bell began to ring violently, causing me to pack up the rest of my belongings quickly and sprint out of the classroom. I didn’t even hear the final few words of my Chemistry teacher, but I was too busy running to the cafeteria to care.

There were barely any students inside the lunchroom, but a crooked line quickly began to form at the front of the room. I spotted Lindsey at our table and walked towards her as I noticed that she was alone.

“Hey, Lindsey,” I greeted, sitting down on the seat next to her and taking out my water bottle from my backpack.

She looked up from the table and smiled. “Hey, you’re here on time for once.”

“Yeah, I know. Where’s everyone else?” I wondered, motioning towards our nearly empty table.

“Jessica and Savannah are probably finishing their history exam, while Peyton is probably flirting with a junior.”

“Oh, okay.” I saw that she was holding a bitten apple in hand, and I wondered how many calories she had consumed so far. I couldn’t believe that she had started eating something this early in the competition, but it honestly shouldn’t matter that much because she had already won last year.

She must have noticed that I was eying her apple, for she asked, “How many calories have you consumed so far?”

“I haven’t eaten anything since the strawberry gummies I had eaten on Halloween, so none.” I smiled in triumph.

“That’s great. I think you might have a great chance of winning this year because I remember Jessica telling me that she had a salad last night for dinner, and you know how obsessed she is with winning her competition. I don’t think she’s completely forgiven me for winning last year, but I honestly don’t care too much because I don’t have to win again. I’ve already started to eat and have consumed 1347 calories yesterday, but this apple is going to add another 44 calories to my count.”

“I hope you’re right because I don’t mind winning this year.”

“We’ll see if I am. And if you do win, you can join the ‘skinniest of us all’ club!” she beamed with much enthusiasm.

I laughed at her eagerness, but I couldn’t stop myself from smiling as well. “That would be marvelous.”

My smile quickly faltered as I saw the rest of the group members sitting down at their seats. Jessica was looking as thin as ever, while Peyton’s blond hair was gleaming under the fluorescent lights, and Savannah was reading another article on dieting and eating a pretzel rod.

“How is everyone doing on the second day of Dieting Month?” Jessica asked nonchalantly, peaking at Savannah’s magazine and reading along with her.

“I’ve consumed less than 1400 calories so far,” Savannah said, not looking up from her magazine. She was always stealing one of her mom’s dieting magazines and bringing them to school, so she could figure out ways to lose weight without her parents’ notice.

“That’s great, dear. I’m sure the rest of us are doing as well as you are too.” Jessica smiled in delight before turning her attention away from an article on exercising. “Before I forget, here’s tip number two: If you’re ever feeling hungry, indulge in the thought of hipbones.”

“That’s not a bad tip, Jess. I’ve been starving all morning,” Peyton replied, “and it sounds much more enticing than the granola bar in my backpack.”

“If you’re not going to eat your granola bar, do you mind if I eat it instead?” Lindsey asked timidly.

“No, of course I don’t. In fact, you’ll be doing me a great favor by eating it.” Peyton gladly tossed Lindsey her lunch. “Are you going to eat anything, Annabelle?”

I twisted the cap of my water bottle and fidgeted around with it. “No, I’m in the mood to drink only water today. I’ll see all of you later because I’m going to go to the bathroom.”

“All right, then. Bye,” Jessica said dismissively.

I looked up as I walked towards the bathroom and hoped that I wouldn’t stumble on my way there. I didn’t need to hear my peers snicker at my clumsiness, but it was just so damn hard sometimes to walk in a straight line without tripping over my own two feet.

I stopped walking when I came face to face with the wooden door. I hesitantly put my hand on it, debating whether I should enter the hidden reality behind this door. I checked to see if anyone was in the hallway, but I luckily saw no one standing in the corridors of the school.

I inhaled the air before I opened the door and walked through the portal. There were no sounds floating through the atmosphere, but light footsteps were gently shattering the silence. I walked cautiously to the other end of reality and closed my eyes for a moment when I knew what was in front of me. I opened my eyes and perceived it.

The looking glass displayed a girl with dark limp hair and clouded gray eyes. The painted lie on her lips was no longer there, for a frown revealed the truth and erased her well-written story. Black tears cascaded slowly before they evaporated into transparent dust and left an invisible scar on her tainted cheeks.

The beauty of imperfection was only a reverie, and a mask concealed the sight of her. The glass entrapped the girl behind the wooden frame and kept her a prisoner of a never-ending nightmare where she was fighting the monster within. It made sure that she starved in the mornings and went to bed with an empty stomach, but it didn’t realize that she never slept, for she was an insomniac who was afraid of revisiting her nightmare. But she was no longer on the recollection screen, for repulsion shadowed the glass, and hunger concealed her beauty away from reality.

I tried to envision myself with beautiful hipbones, but the fat on my hips shattered the dream.