Passing Looks and Disappointed Faces

[Frank's P.O.V]

I watched him leave as a thousand curses flew to my head. Damn it all; I was alone again. Groaning to myself, a prickling of fear traveling up and down my cold spine, I stood. I let my eyes scan the room carefully, searching every seemingly empty corner, every suspicious lump on the floor. Sighing in relief, I began walking away, certain that if I remained alone for any longer, I would receive unwanted company. I walked quickly up the stairs, afraid to look behind me, afraid to hear the rattle of death breathing on my shoulder.

At the landing I paused, my shoulders hunched against an invisible wind, listening intently. Please, oh please, don't let him have followed me, I thought, closing my eyes tightly, pursing my lips in the vague hope that this determination would stave off his return. I opened one eye cautiously, still hunched, still pursing my lips. He wasn't there and with an exhalation, I walked down the hallway, wondering what I could do now. Perhaps I could spend some time with my classmate and his friends whilst Gerard took a shower. I pondered this for much time, weighing the different sides carefully in my head.

My only problem was with Mikey; he didn't seem to be very fond of me, less so when he will know what I had done. So I considered this, standing idly in the hallway, ever-alert for any minor change in my immediate surroundings. Shrugging and deciding that nothing incredibly bad could happen if I faced them, I began searching the house. Through all my pondering on how they would act towards me, I never once thought of where they could be or even if Ray and Bob were here. After all, they weren't a part of the family, though they seemed like incredible friends.

Finally, I found what seemed to be Mikey's room up on the second floor. The door was hopelessly closed and music was blasting harshly from it. I wasn't sure whether to knock on the door or simply forget about it and turn away. So, as I wracked my brain for the answer, I listened to the lyrics:

"To the centre of the city where all roads meet, waiting for you,
To the depths of the ocean where all hopes sank, searching for you,
I was moving through the silence without motion, waiting for you,
In a room with a window in the corner I found truth.

In the shadow play, acting out your own death, knowing no more,
As the assassins all grouped in four lines, dancing on the floor,
And with cold steel, odor on their bodies made a move to connect,
But I could only stare in disbelief as the crowds all left.

I did everything, everything I wanted to;
I let them use you for their own ends,
To the centre of the city in the night, waiting for you,
To the centre of the city in the night, waiting for you..."

I swallowed hard, my hand balled into a fist above the door, hesitantly wondering still if I should knock. I was saved the trouble of thinking any more as the door suddenly swung inwards, startling me. With a yelp, I skittered backwards, bumping my tailbone against the railing that eventually led to the stairs. I slid down to the floor with a grunt, dull pains shooting up and down my spine. "Ow..."

"Sorry Frank; you okay?" Mikey asked, reaching out a hand towards me. I nodded through the pain, grabbing his hand and letting him pull me to my limp feet. I seemed to have the worst of luck. "What are you doing here?" he then asked, the slightest trace of suspicion tinting his voice. I looked at him with puzzled features; what did he have to be suspicious of me for? I cocked an eyebrow but he didn't apologize or explain himself, simply crossed his arms and waited for an answer.

"I was uh...I was..." I trailed off; how could I explain that I was looking for company? He cocked an eyebrow at me, tapping his foot impatiently on the floor. "Well, Gee went to take a shower and I..." I honestly couldn't think of a good way to phrase my thoughts and I remained silent again, shuffling my feet nervously on the carpeted hallway.

"You were lonely?" he ventured, his features softening slightly. Deciding I wouldn't be able to phrase it in a nicer way, I nodded, looking back down at my feet. My feet really aren't that interesting; I actually don't like feet in the first place. Still, I couldn't just look over his shoulder because then he'd think I was insane and seeing hallucinations...Okay, so I am; however, I don't want to give anyone a reason to suspect of the fact. "You hungry?" he then asked and I shook my head. My stomach gurgled. Fuck.

"W-well," I stammered, trying to talk over the gurgling of my stomach so he wouldn't hear it. I failed and he cocked an eyebrow again, looking at me disbelievingly. I cursed inwardly at my bodily functions for having such inappropriate timing. My stomach gurgled louder. Even my body tries to contradict me.

"You're hungry." This time it wasn't a question; it was a declaration, a statement. I nodded slowly, deciding that further negation would cause my body to rebel against me further. My stomach growled more quietly so that it seemed more a purr than anything. I have weird, responsive bodily functions apparently. He motioned for me to follow, completely ignoring the fact that his music was still blasting in his room. I decided not to mention it, following him silently though my stomach was still painfully growling. "Well what do you want? We've got...um," he began rummaging in the kitchen once we reached it, searching the refrigerator.

"We've got mashed potatoes, vegetables...ew. Why do we have vegetables?" he muttered to himself, turning up his nose.

"W-well, your mom kind of made some last night for me," I muttered, tracing my finger over and over again in the patterns I had discovered from sitting here.

"Oh, well, d'you want it? We've also got chicken..." He trailed off, noticing the disgust with which I looked at the pan.

"I'm a vegetarian," I informed him, shaking my head.

"Oh, well then..." He seemed uncomfortable now, as if my despising meat made things much more complicated.

"I'll just have the mashed potatoes and vegetables, Mikey, thanks," I muttered with a quick smile. He shrugged:

"Suit yourself," taking the pots out along with a plate.

"Hey, do you mind if I go to the bathroom first, though?" He nodded with another shrug, rationing a portion onto the plate as he did so. I sighed in relief, walking away down the hallway. I hate being alone, I truly do; yet it seemed I kept pushing myself into solidarity. Still, I couldn't turn back now, after telling Mikey that I was in the bathroom; it'd be awkward to explain I didn't have to go anymore, not that I ever had to in the first place. I guess, despite hating loneliness, I couldn't be in company for prolonged periods of time; it made me uncomfortable.

So I walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind me in case someone didn't bother knocking before entering. Taking a deep breath, I sunk to the ground, my back against the closed door. "Fuck," I muttered, running my hand through my hair, over my face. Truly, I have no idea how I managed to get myself caught up in this troublesome web. And the entire crappy part about this all is that I can't run away from this problem; if I do I get jailed and completely screwed up. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," I repeated, bringing my legs to my chest, placing my head on my knees. Frustrated, I looked up, gazing at the empty shower across from me. It smelled of soap and shampoo, as if someone has just recently used it.

I smacked my hand across my face, wincing from the pain. Shaking my head, I looked back at the dripping shower head, watching the droplets of water fall through the air and land in the cold white of the tub. Gerard must have left the bathroom as I was in the kitchen and we must have just nearly crossed paths as I headed here. I'm an idiot, honestly. I continued watching the water, watching the liquid twist through the air, the droplets shining brightly in the lights above me.

Deciding it was fruitless to sit here, watching the water drip as my vision blurred, I stood, wiping at my eyes. Needless to say, after all this time sitting here, doing nothing, I was surprised to find my eyes wet with tears. Furrowing my brow in confusion, I rubbed the tear between my fingers. Shaking my head, wiping at my eyes in case of lingering tears, I turned around. I couldn't stay in this bathroom any longer, I knew this much. So I left, rubbing tiredly at my eyes still, trying to stop the flow of tears. And it was strange, so very strange, because I was feeling nothing; I was numb.

Nevertheless, I continued walking down the hallway, frustrated at the fact that I couldn't stop the flow stemming from my eyes. It was causing me anger and, though I despise feeling anger, I was grateful to some small degree that I was feeling something again. I ceased my walking, my heartbeat becoming stronger and stronger, pounding against my chest, restricting my breathing. I was so very confused but I couldn't do anything to stop it all. I could just stand there, clutching my chest with one hand and running the other over my cheeks and eyes.

Taking a deep, shaking breath, I tried to once and for all stop this foolish behavior. And again, I found the task daunting and virtually impossible. Exhausted, deciding I wouldn't be able to control this fit for a few minutes at the very least, I sank against the wall to the floor, sitting cross-legged on the floor. I must admit, nay, I must accept, that my body functions in a way that tries to contradict my mind. And so I sat there a while, the smells of my meal drifting at me from the kitchen directly on the opposite end of the wall I was leaning against. It gave me a mild nausea now as I remained here, the smell pervading my sensitive nostrils. Suddenly, I didn't want the meal any longer.

I took another breath, holding it to see if I could stop this; it was so foolish, so stupid, of me to be here, frustrated and confused by the onslaught of tears rolling down my heated cheeks. "Frank?" I heard a voice ask and I realized I was softly sobbing now, still clutching at the front of my shirt, still wiping desperately at my moistened face. I shook my head, holding out a hand to stop anyone from coming near me. This was stupid, confusing, unnecessary but I couldn't stop and it frustrated me to a great degree.