Back to the Place We Knew Before

I laid in bed staring at the ceiling. The fan was spinning slowly in my peripherals. I had woken up at eleven, but it had been at least an hour that I’d just laid here. I heard my door bust open, and in ran Jack. He ran and jumped onto the bed, on his stomach.

“Can I help you?” I asked.

“MIkayla” he whined.

“Let me guess, you want Raegan?”

“Yeah.”

“Well you shouldn’t have been such an ass to her.”

“I can’t change what I did, tell me what to do next.” he pouted. My phone rang.

“Hold on, Jack.” I said, holding up one finger, “Hello?”

“Hey babe, got any plans for today?”

“Nope. Not yet at least.”

“Okay, cool. Well I was wondering if you wanted to hang out before we went over to the twins‘ house, and if you needed any help wrapping gifts.”

“Yeah, I do need help with that last part. Want to come over ?”

“Sure, when?”

“As soon as you can.”

“Okay, I’ll leave now. See you soon.”

“Okay.”

“I love you”

“Love you too, bye.” I didn’t wait to respond, I just hung up.

“Mikayla, why’d you invite him here? We’re having a heart-to-heart.”

“I want to see my boyfriend. My life isn’t about you. This isn’t the Jack show.” I said, yelling a little bit.

“Whatever, Mikayla, I’ll see you tonight.” then he left.

Every year the twins held a Christmas party at their house. Everyone got all dressed up and they cooked a big meal. It was usually annoying, because then after we ate, Braelyn would put on the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and we’d exchange that while watching it, except when the time warp came on. Then Raegan and Braelyn would scream the words and do the dance. I was sure tonight would be no different.

Rian and I arrived at their house around 6.15. We were fifteen minutes late, but my dress was terrible to get into, and Rian had to wrap all of their gifts because I couldn’t maneuver at all with my giant frickin stomach there. We didn’t knock, we just walked in to find Braelyn mashing some potatoes with Finn setting the table. Alex was sitting at the island, sipping on whatever Raegan was making more of in the blender. Jack was looking bored, seated two seats away from Alex. Zack sat between them looking depressed.

“Oh good! You’re here!” Raegan said, looking up, noticing us.

“Where should we put all of this?” Rian asked, holding up the giant bag of gifts we brought, while I just plopped down next to Alex.

“Oh, the tree’s in the living room. Just throw them in there.”

The night was going smoothly, everything as planned, until the gift giving. Everyone had to get everyone else a gift. No exceptions. That meant that everyone had to get Finn a gift, and Finn had to get every one else a gift. Everyone. Including Zack.

“I WANT TO BE SANTA!” Jack screamed when we were to exchange gifts. He did this every year, so it was sort of just expected.

“Okay, the first one is from Alex to Braelyn!” he said, tossing a box to her. “And the next one is from Rian to… ME!” and things went on from there. Soon, we saw that Zack had gotten Finn a CD. An All Time Low CD. Finn had gotten him an American Apparel hoodie. They thanked each other civilly, but clearly Finn spent much more to buy Zack something respectable than Zack did for him. A blind man could see that Finn wanted Zack’s approval, but Zack wanted nothing to do with Finn. I personally didn’t see why it mattered.

Rian had gotten me an iPod and a Hollister hoodie, which didn’t fit me yet, but after I popped, surely would. I got him a pair of jeans and a shirt both from PacSun. I couldn’t help but feel jealous seeing that Braelyn had gotten a pair of diamond and Amethyst earrings from Finn. Sure, I was more likely to wear the hoodie and listen to the iPod more often than she’d wear the earrings, but still. I was also a little mad as what Jack had gotten Raegan. He got her a necklace. It was gorgeous. It was a simple white gold chain with a white gold anchor pendant, and a few nautical charms on either side of the anchor.

“Oh my God, Jack! I love it!” she gasped.

“I’m glad.” he said, not exactly enthused.

“Ca-can we go talk?” she asked. “Like, in private?”

Obviously, I wanted to know what they were going to talk about, so I told Rian that I had to run to the bathroom, and followed them. They were, of course, in the coat closet, but I stood close enough where I could hear them.

“I have your gift.” she said.

“Oh? What is this?”

“It’s a CD. I made it for you. It’s all of the songs that remind me of you. It’s not the greatest gift, but it’s personal.”

“Thanks.” he said. I heard a rustling, and the door opened just a crack. “Wait.” another rustling. “Can we just… talk?”

“Yeah, yeah. Sure. What’s up?”

“Remember in the summer, before you and Alex went to Massachusetts? When we kissed?”

“Yeah.”

“There hasn’t been a single day that I haven’t thought about that. I’m so sorry I’ve been such a douche to you lately, but I really don’t want things to continue this way. I’m still in love with you, and I feel awful for hurting you. I just wanted some sort of payback for how much hurt you made me feel. Will you please forgive me?”

“I will if you’ll forgive me.”

At that point I decided it’d be best to leave. I didn’t want to get caught spying. I couldn’t believe it was so easy for them to be like that. They hurt each other so much, then in one conversation everything is all fine and dandy? That’s not how things are supposed to work. I was getting annoyed. I didn’t want them together. They didn’t deserve each other. They didn’t deserve to be happy. If I wasn’t happy, then no one else should be.