Seventeen and Invincible

I woke up at four thirty in the morning to my phone ringing. It was Garrett—of course. There was a huge part of me that wanted to answer and another part that wanted to ignore his call. The latter part won. I hit ignore, but instead of crawling back under my covers and falling back asleep, I jumped up, remembering that I had never gotten a chance to clean the kitchen. As annoyed as I may have been at Garrett at the moment, going to the show next Saturday would be something to get me away from Molly that I might actually find fun.

I tiptoed down the flight of twelve wooden stairs, avoiding the last one because it squeaked. We kept the cleaning products in a bin under the sink in the kitchen. I was the only one who ever used them, save for the few times Garrett had come over to help.

The kitchen wasn’t too messy. It wasn’t like she ever used it anyway. I scrubbed the stove, wiped down the tile, scrubbed the counters, cleaned around, behind and under the appliances, and wiped down the cabinets. The floor, now that was filthy. The floor took me about an hour to clean because of all of the muddy footprints and all of the spots from when she’d spilt tea, or coffee, or spaghetti sauce.

The bathroom was a mess. The tiles were starting to grow mildew. The soap scum left on the shower doors was probably an inch thick—at least. There were globs of toothpaste in the sink, water spots all over the counter, and strands of Molly’s dirty blonde hair covering the floor. The mirrors were covered with streaks and it was just gross. It was six a.m. and I’d be lucky to finish before Molly woke up at eleven.

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The following Saturday morning, I was up by seven o’clock—this time by choice. I hadn’t seen the guys in a month and a half and it had been over a week since I’d spoken to Garrett. I was excited to go to their show, but I was also nervous. I was furious at Garrett for yelling at me for something as stupid as babysitting. On the car ride home that night, Evan had said that he knew Garrett hated him and he didn’t blame him. Evan had said that even though he knew he’d hurt me, it was better in the end because it would give Garrett and I a chance to figure things out. I looked at him like he had seven heads, and he responded by telling me that Garrett cared about me and I just had no idea how much. If he really cared about me that much then he would have understood. He wouldn’t have yelled.

I threw on a pair of paint-splattered denim shorts, a white tank top, and my black converse. I pulled my hair back into a pony tail that would probably be greasy in about an hour and lined my eyes with dark brown eyeliner.

Molly had given me permission to use her car. It was a surprise, but a pleasant one at that.

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When I’d finally arrived at the venue and found the guys they didn’t even acknowledge me, but then again they were busy. I walked closer and tapped Garrett on the shoulder. He spun around toward me quickly and just stared. “Can I help you?” slipped quickly past his lips and I took a step backward. “Were you looking for me to sign something?” he laughed. I just stood and stared at him as he smiled. I thought he was joking. He couldn’t just have forgotten me, right? “Hello?”

“Gar?” Garrett still continued to stare at me like he’d never seen me before. Recognition flashed over Kennedy’s features and then John’s, Pat’s and Jared’s. “Guys?”

“Garrett,” Kennedy nudged him. “Garrett, that’s Anika.” Garrett laughed loudly and stared.

“Guys, this isn’t Anika,” he laughed. I lifted my sunglasses off of my face and watched his features fall quickly. “Ani.”

“Hi Garrett,” I smiled. I pushed my bangs out of my eyes and pulled on the bottom of my shirt.

“What,” he started, “what happened to you?”

“Dude,” Kennedy yelled at him.

“What happened to you? When was the last time you ate anything?” I shrugged. “Here, sit down,” he said grabbing my arm and pulling me on the other side of the table. “John, get her something to eat.”

“I’m not hungry, Garrett.” He sat me down and shook his head.

“I really don’t care.”

“Garrett! I’m not hungry!” He took a step back and stared at me.

“When was the last time you looked in a goddammned mirror?” I rolled my eyes and shrugged. “You look like a fucking skeleton!” I stood up to walk away.

“I never should have come here. Sorry.”

“No, Anika. You were doing so well. Now you’ve just lost control. Why did you say that you’d be fine when I was gone? Why did you lie? If things are that bad, if you needed me that much, then why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because who the hell was I to tell you not to go? Who was I to ask you to take me with you?”

“My best friend!” I rolled my eyes. “You should have told me if things were getting that bad with Molly. You shouldn’t have lied.”

“I didn’t lie.”

“Lying by omission is still lying. And look at you now, you look like you haven’t eaten in a month.”

“It’s my life Garrett! I get to do what I want! I get to live how I want!”

“How are you going to live your life if you’re dead?”

“But…” he cut me off.

“Because that’s exactly where you’re headed. You don’t eat and you don’t sleep.”

“And that’s my choice.”

“You have a problem. You need help, Ani. You’re sick.”

“I am fine.” He shook his head and motioned for me to leave, if in fact that’s what I wanted. The sun was burning and my ankles felt like they were going to break.

“Anika, stop,” he sighed. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me back to where I’d been sitting before. “Come on,” he slid me onto the chair and grabbed me a water bottle. “John’ll be back with food soon.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, “I know. But you’ll eat anyway. Okay?” I nodded slowly and rested my head on his shoulder.

“I missed you,” I smiled weakly.

“I missed you too. I should have taken you with me. I shouldn’t have left you here alone.”