Seventeen and Invincible

Mia’s Point of View:

“It’s been hours,” he paced back and forth impatiently, nervousness creeping into and lingering in his voice again. “It’s been hours and we’ve heard nothing,” he sighed. “I need to hear something. If I just,” he sighed. “If I don’t hear anything I’m just going to think that she’s dead, and she can’t be. She can’t do that to me.” His speed increased as his vans continued to squeak occasionally against the turquoise tiles.

I sighed inwardly, worried and upset, but not quite as guilt ridden as Garrett. “Calm down,” I whispered. “No news is good news.” It was a lie though, in my opinion. We weren’t family so they couldn’t tell us anything. Her family was nowhere to be found.

“Bullshit,” he snapped. “I need to know if she’s okay; if she’s going to be okay, because God knows she isn’t okay right now.”

“Garrett, you need to chill. We’re all worried, it isn’t just you. The more you work yourself up, the worse you’re going to feel.” I was hoping Garrett’s mind was too clouded to hear what John was really saying, because it was clear as day to me. The more he worked himself up and made himself feel guilty, the worse he’d feel when they told us she was dead. Let’s face it, there was so much blood. If she made it through it’d be a miracle. If only one of us had found her sooner.

“You think she’s dead?” he asked John, stopping dead in his tracks. “You really think she’s dead?” I’d never seen Garrett like this. He never got upset—at least not like this and not in front of people.

“I never said that,” John defended, hands thrown up in the air. “I never said it.”

“You may as well have,” he yelled. “The implication is just as bad.” I covered my ears, not wanting to hear his yelling bouncing off of the orange-brown walls.

“I didn’t imply it. Chill out Garrett. I’m sure she’s fine. You’re going to feel like crap over nothing is what I meant.” I could hear the lie slip past his lips, but luckily Garrett didn’t.

“I just need her to be okay,” he whispered, his voice cracking. “She just needs to pull through. I can’t even tell her to fight, because that all went out the window when she did this. I should have just stolen the stupid blade when she was asleep. God, I’m so fucking stupid!”

“Garrett, calm down,” I whispered. “Just relax, it’ll be okay. Okay? Just sit down, and wait it out. She’s gonna be okay. Okay? Somehow, she’s gotta know you’re here, and that’ll be enough to bring her back. Alright? Just relax.” He shook his head, still pacing.

He stared at the floor, not wanting everyone to see him crying again. “It’s all my fault. Damn it! I should’ve done something a long time ago.” He scratched the back of his neck and then shoved his hand back into his pocket. “I should’ve made sure that she got help. I should’ve known that I couldn’t help her the way she needed help. I just,” he stopped, “I just should’ve seen it coming.”

I stood up, walked over to him, and guided him over to the corner where John was sitting. He sat down in between John and I, and I rested my head on his shoulder squeezing his hand.

“She’ll be okay, Garrett. She has to be.” I couldn’t let my voice break when it wanted to. If I did he would know it was all a lie. She wouldn’t be the same even if she was okay. She’d tried to take her own life, and you can’t come back from that the same.

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Garrett’s Point of View:

“I shouldn’t have ignored her these past few days. I could’ve seen it coming.” I should’ve seen it coming. I could’ve stopped her, but I didn’t.

We had all been at the hospital for several hours now. It was getting dark out and we still hadn’t heard anything about how she was. I had half a mind to go rant and rave to the woman at the stupid desk and demand that she tell me how Anika was. But I couldn’t get up. I couldn’t move from my spot on the floor. I couldn’t make myself hear the words that I knew I was bound to hear, if not today then some horrible day somewhere down the line. I was bound to hear she was dead and I just couldn’t grin and bear it if she was gone.

If she was gone, I was gone.

I couldn’t stop thinking that if I hadn’t started a fight this wouldn’t have happened. If I hadn’t let her push me away; if I’d just dealt with the punching and screaming and held her in my arms. If I hadn’t let her go…

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It was close to nine p.m. before anyone even bothered to come into the waiting room and call her name. I guess they’d figured that by this point at least one relative had made the effort to show up. I guess that they figured that her parents actually gave a shit about what happened to her. I guess they’d been mistaken.

“Anika Albert?” the doctor called softly. I couldn’t read her expression. Her eyes were so cold and glazed over from so many years of doing this.

John stood, because neither Mia nor I had the strength to stand and take the news—we’d collapse the minute they said it was over. “We’re here for her. We’re not family, but we’re all she’s got,” his voice was low and soft and about to break off.

“Is one of you Garrett?” I looked up, tears clouding my eyes. How the fuck this woman knew my name, I didn’t know, but right now, I didn’t care.

“That’s me.” Mia squeezed my hand tighter, burying her face in the material of my shirt on my shoulder.

The doctor smiled and motioned for me to follow. “She’s asking for you.”

My eyes opened wide and Mia’s head shot up from my shoulder. John almost collapsed against the wall. I was elated.

“She-She’s okay?” I asked quietly. “She’s really okay?” I laughed I was so excited.

“She’s going to be okay.”

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I walked into the small glass room in the ICU behind the doctor. John had convinced Mia that they should let me see Ani on my own before they came up.

She looked tired; she looked sick. She was pale and her hair was matted. There were dark circles around her eyes, but she was still beautiful. “Don’t ever do that to me again,” I whispered as I approached her. “When Mia called,” my voice broke. “I’m so sorry,” I sighed. “I’m so sorry, Anika.”

She raised her hand for me to take in my own, a small smile gracing her lips. “Anika,” I sighed. “I thought,” my voice cracked again. “Oh God, I thought you were gone.” She nodded her head and I noticed the giant bandage wrapped around her wrist. “Why’d you do it?”

Her hands were cold like ice. Her skin was bordering on grey and her eyes were dull. “I was sick of fighting everything, Garrett. I just, I don’t want to do it anymore.”

I shook my head and took hold of her other hand as well—both of her hands now in both of mine. “You don’t have to,” I shook my head. “You don’t have to fight, okay?” She nodded. “When you turn eighteen I’ll get you away from them, okay? We won’t fight anymore either, okay? I can’t take you with me when you’re still in school, but I swear to God you will hear from me every single day.” She nodded. “I know right now you won’t have a choice—you’ll have to go with them to Germany, but I’ll get you back here as soon as I can, alright?” She smiled. “Never scare me like that again,” I sighed. “Just, please, never do that again.”

“I won’t,” she promised. “I won’t.”