What's the Difference?

Okay, seriously? What the fuck did I just get myself into? I kissed Cayden!! I just met him for the first time and already I've kissed him. But dammnn, his lips were so soft and that kiss was amazing.

The voice in my head is not helping at all. Ugh! Especially since I'm still over at Cayden's house.

“Uhmm...Cayden I'm gonna go now..” Voice barely over a whisper.

I stumbled downstairs and ran to my own house. Once the door was closed, I sighed and slid down onto the floor. Again, why did I kiss him? This is only going to lead to disaster and I know it. So maybe I should just tell him tomorrow that it's not going to work out. Just like it never worked out with Danny...

So..no one knows who Danny is and I'm planning on not telling anyone. Okay, never mind, that's a false statement. I'm going to tell you just so you know.

Danny was my everything basically. He was the one person I could tell everything to and not get yelled at for being stupid or anything. He was my first and my last....or that's how it should be. He was a sweetheart and I loved him with everything I had...until one night at a party. I used to be a major drunk at parties, but that one night I didn't have anything to drink was the night I should have gotten dunk off my ass so I wouldn't remember anything.

He got wasted (as always) and lead me up to a room. I kept saying no..but he went on with it and that night he raped me...

That night is the one memory I wish would go away forever because unlike him who doesn't remember shit, I remember the pain. The crying I did throughout the whole thing. How much that broke my heart. But did I ever tell him? No, I kept it to myself so he wouldn't get in trouble. And the hardest part of all of this...is that he still goes to my school. I still have to see his face in the hallways. Still have to hear him brag to his friends about how he banged this one chick at a party. He remembers all those bitches he fucked, but never once said sorry for doing that to me. I'm the one who has to deal with the nightmares. Me not him. He doesn't care that he took me when I didn't want to be taken. He gets to go on with his life as it always has been while I'm here, scared that it's going to happen again.

God, I wish something would change about that boy and he would say sorry. But he never acknowledges me anymore. Ever since the day after the party when I told him I couldn't go on with him, he pretends I'm another face in the crowd. It hurt like a bitch at first, but since that was a year ago, it's subsided a little bit.

By now, tears were cascading down my face as I sat there against the front door. After a while, my mom walked in from out in the garden and saw me sitting there crying. Hurrying over, she sat with me and I buried my face trying to calm myself down. She didn't ask any questions, because she knew the reason. I just have to explain what brought it all to this conclusion.

“M..Mom...I...kissed Cayden...”

“Who's Cayden hunny?”

“The next door neighbor that just moved in...I was over there..a..and I...I kissed him after he sang me a song....Mom, I don't want to get hurt again...” Sob after sob came between words.

“Kelly, it will be okay. Why don't you explain all of this to him and why you're scared? I'm sure that he's not like D-...that other boy.”

“But what if he is? What if all of this is just a facade so that I'll fall for him and get hurt again?”

“I highly doubt that. Just take that chance sweetie. If you don't, you might miss the chance to be with a great guy.”

I hugged my mom and was thankful she was finally okay with my being gay. Thanking her, I ran up to my room and looked out of my window to find Cayden on his bed crying. I did that to him...gahh! I'm such a bad person for doing that to him. I have to try and talk to him.

Searching my room for something to throw at his window, I found a marker that didn't work anymore and opened my window. Throwing it as soft as I could but making it over there, it collided with the window and made Cayden look to where the noise was. I stood there with a sad expression and motioned for him to go outside so I could talk to him.
He nodded, and a few minutes later we were facing each other outside on my front porch.

“Cayden...I'm sorry for running out of your house..I didn't mean to..”

“It's okay..but why did you want to get away so suddenly?” Ugh, I was meaning to stall that question until later.

“Well...let me just tell you everything. It was a year ago...” I said and proceeded in telling him about me and Danny.

By the end of everything, I was once again caught up in reliving the past that I found myself crying in Cayden's arms.

“Hunny, I won't ever let that happen to you. I know you think everyone's out to hurt you, but I promise I won't ever. I know it's only been a day, but I really like you. I was happy when you kissed me...”

That simple sentence made my sobbing disappear and a smile replace it.

“I liked the kiss too.” I said, a blush creeping onto my face slowly.

“Well then Kelly, do you want to try this with me? Let me prove to you that I won't hurt you. Kelly, will you be my boyfriend?”

My eyes were the size of saucers at the fact that Cayden just asked me out. I didn't know what to day, so I said the first thing that I thought of.

“But we haven't even known each other for a full day. Why don't we just give ourselves some time and then we can go back to that question later?” I said, shock still evident in my voice and in my facial expression.

I saw Cayden's smile falter for a second before it was back there.

“Alright. We'll get to know each other and then I'll ask you out again.”