Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad Wolf?

"You need to fucking leave" I panted, trying to keep myself from being pulled under by the morphine that was making my pain cease to exist, at least until my body burned it up again, this was my 6th bag. Carlisle had been right, my body was quickly burning through the medicine, I thought being a werewolf again meant I healed as fast as one. How wrong I was, I was only partly wolf.
I could hear a few thoughts from people, but they weren't loud or clear for that matter, my body ran a high fever, but I didn't heal as quickly, I didn't smell the candy sweet scent from Dr. Cullen or Edward when they arrived to check on me. It scared me that I was only half of who I use to be, that's not what I wanted, I wanted it all. The fur, the teeth, the speed, the ability to kill, and most of all the feeling of being part of something.
My eyes widen, trying to keep myself in this world before slipping into my dream one, Jacob's brown eyes stared deep into mine, worry apparent in them as they sparkled with unshed tears. God how I wanted to reach out and comfort him with everything I had, I balled my hands into fist so that I wouldn't reach out for him. He wasn't going to let me break my composer, no I would be stronger then him.
"No, I was ordered to come here by Sam, so sorry can't leave though I wish I could" he snapped at me, making me feel like totally shit, why must I be the one he imprinted on? Why couldn't he find a nice girl who treated him like a king instead of me who treated him like the floor I walk on? I felt my eyes prick as the flow of water rushed towards my eyes threatening to fall at any moment, I took a deep breath and pushed them back, hiding who I was.
I was loosing myself, in him, he was here no matter how much I was suppose to hate it, I was happy he was here with me, for me, I loved him, and I didn't wanna die because of him.
"Jacob, I'm sorry" the words just slipped out of my mouth in a whisper, my heart turned to mush as he stared at me, I moved a piece of brown hair away from his eyes.
"Taylor knock it off, you made it perfectly clear how you felt, but I'm staying cause I have too" he yelled, moving away from my touch, I almost cried, almost being key word in that sentence. I sat up, anger coursed through my body yet again today, wow I had to learn to control myself when he left too. I already made my best friend go away, why not make the love of my life leave too?
"Now I had to do that, dip shit! You know what I order you to go" I felt the anger push out of me, Jacob's eyes furrowed in confusion as he stood up, his arms trembling, I thought he was going to change right in front of me. "Jacob, what's wrong?" I asked, standing up quickly, putting my hand on his feverish shoulder.
"I feel the order, what the fuck just happened" he looked at me with wide eyes as he took in my huge blue eyes, then he bent down and placed his lips on mine, I moaned lowly and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me.
His kiss was like venom, he was killing my loneliness, he wrapped his arms around my wasit, pulling me into his toned chest, this was heaven.
I pulled away quickly, he hugged me and slowly whispered in my ear five words that would forever change my life.
"I can't do that Alpha"