Heartache

What an idiot. Mason needed to stay outside where it was safe, not inside, worrying about me. I swear, if both of us survive, I'll kill him.

He charged toward Isaiah, only to be caught. The Strigoi smirked, placing his hands on either side of Mason's face. I flinched, realizing what he was about to do. I couldn't let him do that. I let out a sob in hopes that it would distract Isaiah long enough for Mason to get out of his grasp.

And it worked.

Isaiah looked at me, amused at how my emotions weren't in check. "What's the problem, Rosemarie?" I held back another sob and glared at him. He laughed. "You're a horrible actress." He strode toward me, keeping that stupid smirk on his face. Only…he never got close enough.

There was a loud crash and he suddenly stopped to see what it was. Still aware that Elena, throwing a tantrum or not, was still nearby and she happened to be hungry—or thirsty. I refused to look away. So, I was pretty surprised to see a huge ball of water floating toward Isaiah and then engulfing his head. He angrily clawed at the water and his cries were muffled, but the water just stayed there. It wouldn't kill him, but it sure as hell was a great distraction.

Mason was able to get past the both of them, but I turned my attention to Elena. She was livid and was quickly approaching me. Honestly, the last time I faced a Strigoi, I was, for lack of a better word, owned and ended up in the infirmary. That memory didn't exactly give me courage, however. I decided to follow one of Dimitri's first lessons: Run.

I dodged Elena's attack by diving to the side. I scrambled to my feet and began running in the—what I thought and hoped to be—direction of the door. Unfortunately, I ran into someone. I then felt a random impact against my cheek.

"Oh! Sorry, Rose..." Mason muttered.

I shrugged. "'S okay. But what the hell are you doing?"

"Swords," he replied as he glanced up.

I followed his gaze and immediately smiled. "Awesome. Now distract them while I get the swords."

He about argued, but Elena's shrill scream forced him to agree and run off in a random direction.

I began reaching for the swords that were mounted above the fireplace. The lack of success made me wish that I was Dimitri's freakish height for the time being.

Dimitri.

If only I had respected his wish and hadn't told Mason the information on Strigoi and Spokane. The information that he found me responsible enough to know and not share with anyone. The information that had Mason and I fighting for our lives at the moment, along with three others, in a random house in probably the most boring city on the face of this planet. If I lived through this, I knew that I'd be facing some more arguing with Dimitri.

I was suddenly motivated to at least get some proud response out of him.

After a few more tries, I managed to knock both swords down to the floor. I quickly got a hold on one of them and began scanning the room for the chance to eliminate at least Isaiah while Mia, who was standing in direct sunlight, still had enough energy to keep him preoccupied with the water sphere.

As soon as I approached the elder Strigoi, I swung the sword like I thought they did in the movies and whatnot. Sure, I hit my target—Isaiah's neck—but the first swing wasn't enough. I noticed this when I heard his gurgled scream through the water. I swung again…and again…and again until his head rolled off his shoulders, his body collapse, and water cascaded to the floor. And, as many times as I had seen movies where someone was decapitated, it was nothing like witnessing—and causing—it first hand. Beheading suddenly became my least favorite way to kill Strigoi…but it was the only way I could at the time.

I glanced toward the doorway to thank Mia, but she had disappeared. She was probably outside, safe in the sunlight once more. I wasn't the religious type, but I silently thanked whoever was listening that she was out of harm's way.

There was a pained grunt, followed by a loud thud. I turned in the direction of the noise just in time to see Mason slide down the wall and to the floor. Elena hovered over him, ready to have Mason as a snack. She was murmuring something to him, but none of the words registered. His eyes were glazed over and what little movement he made was weak. I must have gasped or something because Elena suddenly turned her attention to me. She snarled, fangs bared. Her eyes narrowed. "On second thought, I'll spare you a moment and deal with your girlfriend."

I felt a pang of guilt at the mentioning of the word 'girlfriend.' I had only used Mason to try and get over whatever feelings I still had for Dimitri. I failed, nonetheless. I still felt strongly for my mentor and I was pretty sure that that wouldn't be changing any time soon. No matter how little I wanted to feel that way.

Despite the battle of emotions I was going through, I kept a straight face and raised the sword up, ready for her attack.

She charged, only running into the blade. Long before that moment, I gathered that she wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box and being newly turned didn't help with whatever common sense she had. The wound in her gut wouldn't kill her, but it distracted her long enough for me to swing the sword as I had earlier a few times. Her head and body did the same as Isaiah's.

I was still rather disgusted.

"Rose…" Mason croaked from the other side of the room.

I quickly made my way over to him, avoiding the two headless corpses.

Everything seemed to be in slow motion. I knelt at Mason's side, doing my best to will him to stay awake. The nothings I whispered were hardly working, but at least he replied. Each word he strained to say was passionate. The guilt returned. I couldn't return his feelings. Not completely.

"Everyone, stay alert," a voice echoed throughout the house some time later. Whoever it was gave further instructions to others to scout the house for any Strigoi and then footsteps shuffled across the floor in all directions. I just stared down at a semi-conscious Mason, making me feel even guiltier for getting him in this mess.

Someone knelt down beside me and, I assumed, cautiously placed one hand on my back. Their touch was familiar. Extremely familiar. I choked on a sob and he immediately embraced me.

As much as I didn't want to cry in front of anyone, especially Dimitri, I couldn't hold back any longer. The tears began to fall. I just felt safe in his arms and knew that he wouldn't judge me for putting my emotions on display for the world to see. Dimitri's shirt was soaked in just a few seconds. I tried to pull away, but his hold was too strong for me to even want to make much effort to be away from him. I clenched his shirt as he helped me up.

"Everything will be fine, Roza," he murmured, willing me to walk with him out of the room and the house altogether.

A few guardians commented on the two dead Strigoi and how much of a miracle it was that the five of us survived. I let out a sob and I could have sworn I heard Dimitri growl.

Whenever we were on the plane, Dimitri stayed by my side, watching me closely, but, if I didn't know any better, I'd say he was afraid to say something. I didn't appear that fragile to him, did I?

I glanced down. My hands were shaking. I looked over at Dimitri. I was so tempted to reach over and grab his hand. Only three things were stopping me from doing so.

One: No one knew about any of the romantic encounters the two of us had had and we could face some serious consequences.

Two: We'd done nothing but argue for weeks now. For all I knew, he still saw me as an immature teenager that got in his way.

Three: He still could take Tasha's offer, become her guardian, and father her children…Lately, that seemed to be all he wanted.

I let out a sigh and decided to simply twiddle my thumbs. He had to make the move… That is if he still had any romantic feelings toward me nowadays, which was highly unlikely.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Dimitri asked around an hour into the flight.

I had been leaning back in my seat, wanting to fall asleep, but I just couldn't. I turned my head to look at him. This was first time that I actually got the chance to observe just how much all of this had taken a toll on him. He had big, dark circles under his eyes and his hair was hanging messily around his face. I guiltily looked down at the arm rests, but he lightly cupped my chin and tilted my head back up to look at him. He was frowning now. "Rose," he breathed, "I understand if you don't want to, but please just say something."

I glanced around the plane, only to find that everyone was taking a nap. Huh. What luck. I stalled for time by putting the back of my seat in the upright position and then tying my hair back. I sighed. "I didn't think that I'd feel so…so negative after my first kill. Kills, I mean. On top of that, I should have just kept the information a secret. You trusted me and look at what happened. It's my fault everyone has been stressed out. It's my fault the other four faced death. If anything, I should have d—"

Dimitri leaned forward, taking my hands in his as he did. "Don't think like that. You weren't the only one making decisions. It's not your fault, not even in the least."

I tightly shut my eyes. "Why aren't you angry with me? I've just proven every last point you've made these past few weeks. If I were in your shoes, I'd be furious…"

"I'm not angry," he said as he squeezed my hands. "Do you—" I felt his forehead rest against mine. When he spoke again, I had to strain to hear him. "When I heard that you were missing, I was so, so worried. You wouldn't believe how impulsive I became."

I opened my eyes to look at him. I noticed that his frown had deepened. "I don't see why. I deserve to be yelled at."

"No, you don't." He grimaced. "And I don't want to yell at you anyway. It would only devastate you more and I hate to see you hurt, especially when I'm the reason for you being so." For some reason, he smiled.

My eyebrows furrowed. "What could you possibly be smiling about?"

Dimitri shrugged and leaned back against his seat. "I'll tell you later."

I wanted to protest, but after looking around the plane again, I noticed that a few others were beginning to wake up. It took a few seconds, but it occurred to me that whatever he had to say dealt with us. I felt myself smile as I leaned back again and fell into a much needed and wanted sleep.

Originally, I thought that we would be heading back to the ski lodge, but after such a long flight, I realized that we had been heading back to the academy. Dimitri reassured me that Lissa packed my bags and they would be in my dorm room when we got back. That was the only conversation we had following my mini-confessional.

When we landed, Dimitri was still hesitant to leave my side, for which I was grateful. Any doubts that I had had about his feelings were proven wrong. How protective he was, was questioned by a few of the guardians and they went as far as to comment that he was taking his role as my mentor too seriously, but at least my mother had no objection. She almost seemed relieved that someone was there for her. I just had a feeling that she felt Dimitri was acting the part of an older sibling, rather than a friend or a lover. The thought made me cringe. Literally.

"What?" Dimitri asked at my sudden discomfort.

We came to a halt on the middle of the stairs. He placed a hand on my shoulder. Worry took over his features. I shook my head and continued my way upstairs. I knew that he'd understand to follow.

We sat on the edge of my bed in silence for a few moments. I eventually decided to recall my observations to him. They earned one of his rare, beautiful laughs.

Despite how much I loved his laugh, I couldn't help but scowl. "How is that funny?"

He wrapped one arm around me and pulled me into his side. "I'm just trying to figure out how your thought process works. And, well, I can't imagine myself as your brother, especially not after…" He didn't have to finish the sentence. I knew that he was referring to the night of the lust charm.

I deeply exhaled. "The thought disturbs me is all…"

He chuckled. "So it would seem."

The silence that followed was comfortable. Like it usually was when Dimitri and I were together. We didn't need to continuously converse to let each other know how we were feeling or what we were thinking. It was a breath of fresh air to be able to just be with him alone again.

With Mason, we always had to say or do something. We just didn't bond well enough to ever make it as a couple. It was best that we stayed friends. I had to know one thing before I made any decision on my relationship with Mason, however.

"Have you decided to take Tasha's offer?"

My question must have caught him off guard because he dropped his arm that was around me and stared at something across the room. "I decided not to accept."

I frowned. "Why though? I told you that you should take it. It's a great opportunity. Tasha cares about you and would take the risk of having dhampir children. You can be Daddy Dimka… Really, all I want is for you to be happy. Don't spare my feelings."

He groaned. "Rose, I would only be feigning happiness if I decided to become Tasha's guardian. Yes, she's one of my closest friends and, yes, her offer is generous and a great opportunity, but I just don't…I don't love her."

I sniffed. "Really, Dimitri, I—"

"I've already discussed this with Tasha. Granted, it took your disappearance from the ski lodge to get me to make my decision, but it's my final decision. Nothing you say will make me change my mind." He clasped his hands together. "What about Mason?"

I lie down on my bed, unsure of what to say, and stared up at the ceiling. "I really do not know. I care about him. I really do. There's just nothing there and there never has been." I pat the spot next to me.

Dimitri shook his head and stood up. "You need more rest. We'll talk more when you have."

"What about you?" I asked, propping myself up on my elbows.

"I need to report to Guardian Petrov."

"Could you at least come back after that?"

He looked over his shoulder and smiled. "I'll do my best. I have to get Guardian Petrov's permission first."

When he was opening the door, I said, "You'll be back, comrade. No matter how much you deny it, I'm converting you to rebellion."

He snorted with laughter, continuing his way out of my room and down the hall.

I don't know when I fell asleep, but I woke up when the bed shifted. I tried sitting up, but I was immediately pushed back down.

"Go back to sleep," Dimitri whispered.

I scoffed, wanting to talk to him, but I was exhausted and fell back asleep. This time, well, I didn't have what anyone would call a peaceful sleep.

I was back in my room at the ski lodge.

Lissa wasn't around. She must be with Christian or…something.

She deserved her privacy for once, so I didn't check the bond. Instead, I got up from my sitting position on the bed and wandered out into the hallway. I didn't have a destination. I just felt like walking around. The occasional Moroi would rush by, bundled up, with a bellhop close behind. Clearly, they still felt that they weren't safe enough at the ski lodge and were ending their vacations early.

Eventually, I found myself back on the roof—or whatever it was—I hid at the night of the dinner Lissa had invited me to. I scowled in remembrance of my mother lecturing me about being around Adrian Ivashkov. She had been overreacting, no matter what Dimitri had told me when he followed me up to this spot.

I couldn't hold back the smile in thinking about Dimitri. That night had been the actual first conversation we'd had in a while that didn't end with either of us snapping a retort that we didn't mean.

In fact, it was the last conversation I had with him before convincing Christian to accompany me to Spokane to drag Mason, Eddie, and Mia back.

"You must be freezing," a voice sounded behind me.

I had a sense of déjà vu. I glanced over my shoulder and smiled at the sight of Dimitri standing there in the doorway. I pat the spot next to me on the same ventilation system and he obliged, furthering my déjà vu experience by putting his jacket over my shoulders. I immediately pulled it tighter around me and breathed in his amazing scent.

"Why are you up here?" he asked.

I shrugged, my eyes squinting at the faint glow caused by a distant city. "No reason. I went for a walk and just ended up here."

He chuckled. "Next time, remember to at least have a jacket with you. We're in the mountains and it's the winter season."

I rolled my eyes. Why did Dimitri in my dreams have to be so much like Dimitri in my reality? My imagination was so unfair.

I sighed, "I'll try to remember, but only because you asked so nicely."

He chuckled again. "Good."

Okay, for the most part, my imagination wasn't fair, but I liked this high-spirited Dimitri and I'm glad silences between us weren't awkward in my dreams either.

After a matter of moments, there was a scream somewhere in the distance. I assumed it was only someone out on the slopes late. Dimitri didn't have the same thought, though, because he stood up and surveyed the surrounding area. Almost instantly, he turned back around and began heading for the door.

I felt my eyebrows furrow in confusion. "Dimitri, what's going on?"

He turned around swiftly, yet he hesitated when answering. "I think there are Strigoi on the grounds. I need to go help." I went to protest, but he shook his head. "It's my duty, Rose. Now, please, do me a favor and stay out of harm's way. If you can, find Lissa and keep an eye on her. Hide if necessary."

Before I knew it, he took a large step forward to brush his lips against mine. Almost as quickly, he was opening the door and hurrying down the staircase.

He'd given me a direct order. There was no way I could deny him. So, I rushed down the stairwell and began my search for Lissa throughout the lodge.

I didn't have any luck.

After an hour of worrying about Dimitri—and Lissa, I decided to take Dimitri's advice and hide. The only reasonable place I could think of was my room.

It didn't occur to me until I was shutting the curtains that I could check the bond, which I immediately did after calling myself an idiot.

Only I didn't sense Lissa at all.

Actually, I didn't even hear the commotion that I had around the lodge during my search over the last hour or so. Odd.

Hiding was the last thing on my mind by that point. I ran back out of the room and, once again, wandered throughout the lodge.

From what I could tell, the Strigoi had gotten the best of the majority of the guests. Many were killed. The rest were severely injured. I winced at the sight.

I found myself back outside, running through the snow. It didn't take long to spot a trail of blood in the snow. The possible scenarios that flashed in my mind disturbed me, but I needed to know Dimitri was safe. Lissa too.

I began slowing down when I heard voices nearby. They were familiar and sent chills down my spine. I cautiously hid myself behind a tree, only glancing around it to confirm my fears. Elena and Isaiah were back. And they were proudly standing among the motionless bodies of the ones I loved. All but two. Their fates were even worse.

Dimitri and Lissa groggily approached the two Strigoi. Their skin was the same chalky white. I let out a gasp. Big mistake. The four of them stopped their conversation and turned to look at me.

All of them had the same red eyes.

I gasped for air as I sat straight up.

I blinked and realized that I was back in my dorm room at the academy. I breathed a sigh of relief. It was only a dream.

"Rose?" Dimitri's voice came from right beside me.

I looked over at him. He was leaning against the headboard, a book in his hand. I didn't say anything.

He frowned. "Rose, what's wrong?"

I shook my head, scooting back to lean against the headboard as well. "Bad dream," I replied.

He set the book on the bedside table, and then placed his hand on mine. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I…don't know."

"I'm here," he assured me. "I'm not going anywhere."

I smiled at that and leaned my head on his shoulder. Despite my earlier annoyance in putting me first, rather than Tasha and her offer, I felt content. He still had feelings for me and, I assume, wanted to make it work.

Of course, one look at him brought back a tinge of annoyance. "When is the last time you had any sleep?"

He didn't look at me, but his eyes narrowed as he stared at the opposing wall. "That doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does," I complained. "I'm safe now, okay? You can relax."

"You may be safe, but clearly you're not all right. I expected no less, this being the first time that you had to kill. The experience is never easy and you'll need time to cope." He exhaled deeply. "And, for argument's sake, this is my job, Rose. I took on the role as your mentor and I'm going to live by that from now on. If that means that I appear overprotective and brotherly to everyone else, so be it. I want to make sure you stay out of trouble."

I rolled my eyes, stifling a laugh. "You sound like a stalker."

He groaned. "Rose, please."

"Okay, okay," I muttered. I decided to change the topic. "So, Alberta gave you permission to stay here?"

Dimitri kept the guardian mask in place, but I saw the relief of the topic change in his eyes. "Guardian Petrov," he corrected, "approved. She understands that you may need someone by your side for a few days. Apparently, I'm the one person you trust the most and will understand the situation."

"That's logical." Again, I was content with how things were. No one suspected a thing between Dimitri and me. To everyone else, he was my mentor and I was his student, but we had a strong friendship. If only they knew… "Did she say anything else?"

"About you? No." His hand tightened around mine. "Though, she did inform me of two things."

"Involving who…exactly?" I tried the one eyebrow thing he did so flawlessly, but I failed miserably and both eyebrows rose, rather than just one.

"Adrian Ivashkov," he began with some distaste, "decided to accompany us back to the academy and will be training with Lissa in Spirit. Guardian Petrov also mentioned Mason." At my change from irritation towards Adrian to curiosity, Dimitri smiled sadly. "He'll be fine, but that last hit he took resulted in a concussion. He'll be at the infirmary for a few more days."

"What about Eddie? Christian? Mia?"

"Eddie is supposed to be released in the morning. Christian and Mia are just fine. They really only needed to go to the feeders." I opened my mouth to speak again, but he knew what I was going to ask. "Lissa is perfectly fine. She should be sound asleep in her room now." He finally turned his head to look at me. "My only concern at the moment is you, though. You're evading a conversation about how you're doing, which isn't getting me any closer to sleep."

Damn. "Okay, fine," I said. "I'll tell you."

So, I explained the dream in detail, the fear it ignited within me, the random, boiling desire to have him at my side at all times now…It was bizarre to tell him all that, but, at the same time, I was relieved to have it off my chest.

I eventually fell back asleep. This time it was dreamless again, for which I was grateful.

And I was glad to finally see the end of that horrible day.