I Don't Want to Miss a Thing

Sidney just stood there looking at the bathroom door and listened as Taylor cried. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair and pulled on it. He should have never opened his mouth because it got him in trouble. With a groan, he walked to the living room to talk to Sarah. When he opened the door, no one was there but there was a note with his name on it.

Sidney,

I’m finally home from school and while I was there I realized that I miss you. I know you weren’t happy with me before I left and I’m sorry for that. Please give me a call sometime and we can go out to eat or something. I really do miss you.

Sarah <3 (215-785-4321)

Sidney crumbled the paper and threw it to the side. There was no way he was going to call her or hang out with her. He didn’t need all the drama, plus he loves Taylor and right now she was pissed off.

Sidney walked back to the bedroom and heard the shower on. He tried the handle, but it was locked. He ran his hands through his hair again and waited impatiently for her to get out. While he was waiting, he could hear Taylor’s sobs over the running water.

“Shit.” Sidney sighed. He made her cry and he never wanted to hurt her. He thought back to their conversation, he was telling Taylor that he wanted her to move in with him. Then there was a knock at the door and Sarah was there. Then Taylor had asked what had happened to their relationship and Sidney told her the truth. Sarah was going to school and was paying more attention to her school work instead of him. Sidney thought back to that and suddenly realized why Taylor was so upset. School was a very important thing to her and he had broken up with Sarah for that very same reason.

“Damn, I’m an asshole.” Sidney mumbled, rubbing his hands down his face. He got up and began pacing the bedroom. When he heard the shower shut off, he stopped pacing and looked at the bathroom door.

It seemed like forever before she finally came out of the bathroom.When she did, her eyes were bloodshot and her cheeks were flushed and Sidney knew that it wasn’t just the heat of the shower.

“Taylor,” Sidney whispered. “I am so sorry.”

“Are you Sidney? Do you even understand why I’m upset?” Taylor asked

“I said some pretty stupid shit. I really didn’t mean it.”

Taylor ripped the towel off her head and threw it at Sidney’s face. “How the hell did you not mean that? You broke up with her because she wanted to go to school. Does that make any sense?”

“No it doesn’t. That’s why I don’t know why I said it.”

“Sidney, you said it because it’s what happened.” She took a deep breath. The look in her eyes bother Sidney, she looked so sad and defeated. “Tell me the truth, how is our relationship any different?”

What? Where did that come from? “You’re not going to England for school. Also my feelings for you are way stronger then what I had, that’s the key word here, had for Sarah.”

Taylor was shaking her head. “Do you understand how important school is to me? I really want to become a teacher and that takes a lot of time. Tell me now if you won’t be able to handle that, because I don’t want to be strung along.” Tears were running down her face again and she didn’t bother to brush them away.

Sidney took a step closer to her and looked into her beautiful hazel eyes. “Taylor, yes I understand how important becoming a teacher is to you. I understand that it’s going to take a lot to get there, I know that. Yes I will be able to handle that because I went through school for hockey and it took a lot of work.”

“Hockey has nothing to do with studying and becoming a teacher. Yes I understand that hockey takes a lot to learn, a ton of skills, but is that what you’re going to do? Compare everything to hockey? Not everything is as complicated as hockey.”

Sidney was getting pissed because he was trying to apologize, but all she was doing was turning on him. “I know that Taylor. Do you want to know the truth?” Sidney asked, balling his fist. Taylor just nodded and crossed her arms. He could tell that she was trying to calm herself. “I can handle you going to school, but I won’t like it. I want to spend as much time with you as I can. I’m not home as much as I would like to be and I just want to spend what time I am home with you. If you are always doing homework or writing papers when I am home, then that’s less time together.”

Taylor uncrossed her arms and closed her eyes. Before she opened them she took a slow, deep breath and released slowly. When she opened her eyes she looked right at Sidney and they were full of tears again. For someone who didn’t want to hurt her he sure was making her cry a lot. “Sidney,” she said softly. “Do you really want me to move in with you? I’m going to tell you now that I am planning on going to school if I do. There will be times when I won’t be able to do some things with you.”

Sidney sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. He wanted to live with her, but maybe things would be better if she didn’t move in.

“I’ll give you some time to think about it because apparently you’re not as sure right now as you were an hour and a half ago.” Taylor wiped away her tears as she made her way to the living room.

“Dammit, Taylor!” Sidney ran down the hallway and notice that Taylor wasn’t there. He punched the wall and cursed. He had to figure everything about because he didn’t want to lose Taylor, but it seems he already has.

*****
After walking around the block a few times, my sobs finally turned to silent tears. I was trying to figure out what happened back there. As I was walking people were kept looking at me because I had tears streaming down my face, my hair was still all wet and knotty, and I was wearing a pair of short shorts and a t-shirt and flip-flops in the dead of winter. I opened my phone and dialed Vero’s number.

“Hey Taylor, what’s up?” Vero asked

I sniffled before answering. “Can you come pick me up at the Starbucks by the apartment?”

“Yeah, sure. What’s wrong?”

“I’ll tell you about it later. Oh, and could you bring a hoodie or something?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in five minutes.”

When Vero finally got to the Starbucks, I had calmed down a little bit. While I was waiting, Sidney had called me three times and left me a voicemail begging me to come home. Vero walked in and handed me a black Reebok hoodie. “It’s Marc’s” was all she said before pulling me into a hug. “Come back to my place and we will talk about what happened.” I just nodded and followed her out to her car. We didn’t talk for a while and just traveled in silence. Then Vero asked the question I knew that was coming. “Was it Sidney?”

I took a deep breath and nodded. “He’s being a self-centered asshole.”

“What happened?”

I waited a little while before telling her because my brain didn’t want to think about this anymore. I took another deep breath and launched into an explanation of out fight.

“So he told you that he broke up with Sarah, whom I never liked, because she was in school? Then the next minute he told you that he doesn’t mind if you go into school, but he still wants to spend time with you?” Vero shook her head. “That boy has no idea what he is saying.” And she wasn’t just saying that to cheer me up, it was the truth. If Sidney was even thinking a little bit before he opened his mouth we wouldn’t be in this situation right now.

“The worst part is this all happened after he asked me to move in with him.” Vero gasped and I just nodded. “Before I left I asked him if he really wanted me to move in with him, knowing that I would be going to school.”

“What did he say?”

“He didn’t answer me.” Again the tears were falling. “Vero, I love him so much, but he showed me a side of him that I didn’t know existed and I don’t like it. I really do want to move in with him, but if its going to be a constant fight, then I don’t want to.”

“Have you talked to him since then?”

“No, he’s called but I haven’t answered them. I really feel like he’s reconsidering his offer.”

“Sweetie, I think you just need to give him some time to collect himself. Why don’t you stay with Marc and I tonight and we can go to the party together? Kris has your ticket right?”

I just nodded and looked out the window wondering if this was all going to work out. I didn’t want to lose Sidney, but I couldn’t deal with that attitude of his for long.

****
Sidney has tried calling Taylor three times with no avail. He was freaking out because he had no idea where she was. He knew that she didn’t know that Anna was in town, so that eliminated Geno’s place off the list of places to look for her. That’s when he remembered that she had said that Vero was her best friend in Pittsburgh. Sidney quickly slid into his sandals and grabbed his keys.

When Sidney arrived at Flower’s house he noticed that Vero was home too which meant that Taylor was probably there. Sidney slammed his car door shut, sprinted up the steps, and started banging on the door. When Marc-Andre answered the door, without a word Sidney pushed past his best friend and into the living room. He looked around for Taylor but didn’t see her anywhere. Frustrated, Sidney ran his fingers through his hair.

“Sid, you need to calm down a bit.” Marc said placing his hand on Sidney’s shoulder.

“Where is she?” he asked

“Upstairs with Vero. She’s really upset, what happened?”

Sighing Sidney took a seat on the couch and again, ran his hand through his hair. “Sarah showed up at the apartment today and wanted to talk to me. Taylor answered the door, but she didn’t freak or anything, she just come and told me who was there. I was the one that freaked out. Sidney sighed. “Taylor was being the typical girlfriend and asked why we broke up, so I told her the truth.”

“Is that what upset her? That Sarah showed up and you were surprised.”

“I told her that I broke up with Sarah because she was too into her school work. God, what was I thinking? Of all the people to say that to, Taylor was the last.”

“Shit man, you know how important school is to her. What I don’t understand is why she got so upset.”

“Me too. The only thing I can think of is that she thinks I lied to her.”

Marc was about to say something but stopped when he heard someone on the steps. Vero walked into the living room and sat next to him, just staring at Sidney.

“How is she, V?” he asked quietly

“Right now she’s asleep, but she’s a mess.” She said. “Sid, you are one of my friends and so is she and I don’t like seeing either of you upset. This fight you had was just stupid. I can’t believe you said that. She feels like she’s not trying hard enough in your relationship.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s mostly upset because you said that Sarah didn’t spend a lot of time with you when she was in school. Sid, she goes to school out-of-state and she doesn’t get to spend a lot of time with you.” Vero took a deep breath and leaned forward. Marc began rubbing her back. “She told me that she asked you again if you wanted her to move in with you after your argument. She told me that you didn’t answer right away and that has her worried, because she really wants to be with you. She loves you.”

Sidney groaned and leaned against the back of the couch. How was he going to fix this? “I’m going to go talk to her. We need to straighten this out.” Hr stood up and made his way for the stairs and thus the guest room.

****
I was lying in the bed trying to get a little sleep even though I slept almost all day. I could hear Vero and Marc talking downstairs and I could also hear another voice, a voice that I would recognize anywhere. Sidney was here. The conversation downstairs stopped and I could hear someone on the steps, my guess it was Sidney.

There was a light knock on the door, and I rolled over to face the wall. I didn’t really want to see him right now, but the door handle turned slowly. I heard the door open quietly and then close just as quietly.

“Taylor, are you awake?” Sidney asked quietly.

I sighed and rolled back over to face him. He was rubbing the back of his neck and glancing around nervously.

“What do you want Sidney?” I snapped.

Sidney’s hand dropped from his neck and he just stood there looking at me. “I want to fix this thing between us. I want to know why you got so upset.”

I sat up and glared at him. “I got upset because you were acting really self-centered and I don’t think you realize how much of what you said upset me. I’m upset right now because I feel like I won’t be able to spend a ton of time with you and I’m scared that you’ll break up with me and I don’t want that to happen.” My vision was once again clouded by tears.

Sidney walked over to the bed and sat down next to me, turning so we were face-to-face. “Taylor I’m really sorry about everything. I know school is important to you and I know you are trying your hardest to spend as much time with me as you can.” He smiled slightly. “Hopefully that will change when you move here? I really don’t know why I said those things.” He admitted,

“Yes you do. You said them because they were the truth at the time. Sidney I realize that you don’t have much free time and you want to spend what you can with me, but I don’t think you realized that we are pretty much in the same situation right now that you and Sarah were in.”

“No we aren’t. You are planning on staying here and not England. I want to work this out. Taylor, I’ll spend what time I get with you and I won’t freak out about school work.”

“You shouldn’t have to freak out about school work. I’m pretty good at balancing things out, so I can hang out with you and do school work all in the same day. I will try to spend as much time with you as I can. I promise.” I said leaning into him. “Sidney, do you still want me to move in with you?” I bit my lip waiting.

He pulled away from me slightly and looked into my eyes. “Yes.” Was all he said. He kissed me lightly on the forehead. “So are we good now?”

“Yeah I guess so. I’m sorry for freaking out you earlier.” I whispered

“Don’t apologize, it was really my fault. I shouldn’t have said those things.”

I didn’t say anything because I knew that it would just start another fight because the truth was I wasn’t sorry for freaking out on him. What I really wanted was for him to apologize, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. I just took what he said and hugged him tightly.

Later that night we were back at the apartment watching a movie and just laying with each other. I realized that Sidney never said anything about talking to Sarah earlier. Not that was a bad thing if they didn’t talk, but I was curious.

“Sidney?” I said

“Hmm?”

“Did you ever talk to Sarah?”

“No, she wasn’t at the door when I got there.”

My body suddenly filled with relief. I didn’t want them hanging out again. I know that I vowed to myself that I would never become one of those girlfriends to deny their boyfriends from hanging out with someone just because I didn’t like them or trust them. But here I am telling myself that I don’t want them hanging out. I guess that I had to be put into that situation in order to understand why those girls did that.

Sidney placed a light kiss on the top of my head. “Taylor, you don’t have to worry about her. There is no one else that I want.”

I smiled up at him and kissed his cheek before turning back to the movie. I feel asleep halfway through the movie and I could feel myself being picked up and moved. Sidney laid me down in our bed and crawled in next to me. I feel into a deeper sleep as soon as his arms snaked around my waist.