Don't Change The Way You Think Of Me

So I definitely felt the heat today. I walk into 1st period and needless to say Matt comes right in front of me and pushes me back outside the door before my foot touches the ground. I almost fall straight on my ass. He laughs at my imbalance.

“YOU AND ME!” He pulls me down the hallway and towards the bathroom by my collar. Heart pounding against my ribs, he screamed for the other guys to leave before slamming me against the tiled walls. He locks the door and stays facing it, just breathing, for what seems like hours. When I attempt to move towards the nearest stall, he turns, picks me up, and chucks me towards the sinks, hitting my face on the floor. I whimper quietly.

He stands next to me. I expect him to start kicking with his strong legs. “Why the fuck did you lie to Val about us having sex?” I curl up and he kicks me.

My breath comes out in a whoosh. “Fucking tell me short shit!”

“I-I di-didn’t l-lie!” I scream and he kicks me again before picking me up by my arms.

“What the fuck?!” He slams me into the wall and my head cracks into it. Seeing stars, I try to grab his arms. “I would never fuck you!” He slams me into the wall again. Again stars, and fireworks this time too.

“MATT!” I could feel blood trickle down my neck. “I’ll prove it.” I don’t know how but I will if my life depends on it.

“Then prove it.” He says in a deadly whisper. I look up at him once I get my balance and stare at him directly in the eyes. His meet mine reluctantly. Without thinking I go up on my very tippy toes and place a gentle kiss on his lips. He jerks a little but I use all my strength to hold his arms.

He struggles for what feels like forever but never enough to break free, or hurt me, like I know he could. I pull back to stare and notice his eyes are confused. “No way… I can’t be… not with you.” He looks down as if shamed and before I stop myself, I cup his cheeks.

“Look I didn’t know how to stop you. You were really drunk—”

“Shut up, just shut up!” He pulls out of my touch and walks over to the mirror. “Why’d you have to tell Val? I get it, you had the fucking opportunity, but it hurts to know she knows.”

“I had to. She’s my best friend.” He turns and glares at me then looks away. I walk over to him silently. Watching carefully. I’m standing right behind him now. I tap him on the shoulder. He jumps and turns and pushes me away. “You going to beat me up? If you’re not, I have class to go to.”

He glares. “I don’t think I can right now.”

“What are you talking about?”

“If I touch you right now I’ll either really hurt you or I’ll try to kiss you again. Both of which I’m not sure if I want to happen…” He stops suddenly and thinks. “Wait. You told your cousin that you lost your virginity that night. Was…” He swallows visibly. “Was it to me?”

I nod and move forward a little. He backs up. “It was, which is why I tried not to make a big deal when you teased me.” I take another step. He backs up. “You’re acting weird.”

“Says the gay guy.” He taunts, trapping himself in the corner and I get right up in his space.

“So what does that make you?” I almost yell it at him. His eyes narrow and before I know it he has me pinned against the wall and eye level with him.

“Listen here, short shit," he hisses. "I refuse to have you question my sexuality. I’m just a little fucked in the head right now.”

“Oh! So that’s all, huh?” He slams me against the wall again and when I wince his eyes relax then harden again. I never saw what happened next coming.

His lips slammed into mine and he kissed me roughly. He put me on the ground again and braces his arms on either side of my head and his tongue reached out to go to war with mine. Holy fuck! Is all I could process in that moment. Matt and I were kissing and he was sober.

I try to push him off but obviously my body isn’t connected with my head and my hands grab his neck. He pushes up against me letting me feel his grow erection, but as suddenly as this started it ends.

“Oh my God, I’ve gotta go!” He runs for the door and I’m stuck there in the boy's bathroom again, in a daze. Something about the bathroom always caused problems. I'm sure of it.

~`~`~`~`

It’s after school and I’m attached to Aaron’s lips. He’s gotten more persistent lately and every time we’re together he’s all over me. At first it was cute. Now, however, it scares me. Zacky and I are supposed to be hanging out with the Berry’s. I get the awesome job of tutoring all of them today after baseball gets off.

“Aaron, sweetie! STOP!” I almost yell at him when he doesn’t let me push him off. We’re the only ones left in the halls. Well, besides wandering Basketball players.

“Come on Johnny we’ve been dating almost a month and we’ve never even messed around.” He pulls me back to him and slides his hands up and down my sides. “Just once, let me have you.”

“Is that all you want?” I try to push him off again. He’s my first boyfriend and all he does is want to get it on like horny rabbits.

“No it’s not all I want, but it would be nice.”

“No, not this time. Aaron, get off!” I catch a glimpse of Matt passing by and I try to make it not look like a struggle. He’d probably root Aaron on and say I deserve it. “Please stop.” I whisper. Suddenly, Aaron is ripped off of me and slammed into a nearby locker.

“What did I tell you ass hole. Stay off him!” Matt was right in his face.

“Why Matt, do you want my boyfriend?” He looks at Matt with a smirk on his face.

“No you wind pipe, slutty man-whore!” He punched him in the face and I try to pull him off.

“What the fuck Matt get off my boyfriend.” Matt turns and glares at me.

“So I see you like it rough, short shit. Guess that’s why you were asking him to get off.” He smirks and gives Aaron one more hit before going back to his practice. Aaron’s doubled over. I reach for him but he pushes me off.

“What’s up with you and Matt?” He asks, and I look at him confused.

“What are you talking about?”

“Well, it's so fucking obvious you got the hots for him, and maybe he's got it for you . I can see right through you. And he actually listened to you. Wow, not only that, but I heard you skipped first period when he took you to the restroom.” He smirks and stands up. “What’d y’all do, have sex?” I look at him shocked at what he’s saying.

“You think I would cheat on you with Matt? The guy who beats the shit out of me.”

“Not lately he hasn’t—”

“Shut the fuck up Aaron. I showed you my fucking bruises and cuts from this morning.” I was so angry I slapped him and backed up. “We’re done!” I screamed and ran.

He yelled after me that he was with me for sex. Tears started to run down my cheeks and I was so hurt that I couldn’t stop running. I was outside and running past the cheerleaders. Val and Chelle see me and run after me. “Johnny, stop!” Val yelled after me as I reach the back of the bleacher where I first started smoking. I grabbed my cigarettes and lit one. My hands were shaking and soon the girls are in front of me.

“What’s wrong?!” Val says as I take a drag and she takes in my appearance. She didn’t get to see me in first period English so she hasn’t seen me all day. “How did you get all these bruises, why are you crying?” She looks at Chelle. “Can you excuse us?”

Chelle gives me a kiss and Val a hug before going back to practice. “Did I make Matt go after you?”

“Yes, but that was this morning.” I rush through it, telling her about this morning, well not the make-out session. Then about Aaron and what he told me after I ran.

“Well, you’re better than him!” She hugged me. “Go home and tutor your friends and we’ll talk about this shit tomorrow."

I nod and take in a shaky breath.

"Alright."