Don't Change The Way You Think Of Me

“That’s just fucking unsettling!” Matt Berry yells as his brother drops ice down his back. Chelle, Val, Jason, Zacky, Jimmy (yes Jimmy-Jimmy), and I burst out laughing as Matty squirms to get the ice out of his shirt.

“Seriously Matty he’s been standing behind you for what, five minutes?” Val said as he lifts his shirt up. His back has a red streak down it that marks the coldness of the ice. Jimmy smirks and then stands up and stretches out his long ass limbs.

“Yes well fuck you bro!” Matt was fixing to jump on Jas when Jas suddenly pulls him into a head lock and gives him a nuggy! “What the fuck Jas get off!”

He let his bro go with a gentle push at him. My dad rushes down stairs and we all freeze. “If you don’t shut up I swear someone will be having problems.” We nod and watch him leave.

“I think we should leave before my dad kills us.” They all nod and I realize that Jimmy is already gone. I look at Zacky and he gives me a shrug. Everyone is out before they are and they hung back a sec to talk. “So why’d he really come over?”

“Well you know how Matt kinda took the rest of the week of last week. Well he told Jimmy and me to look out for you.” Just the thought of Matt stirs my mixed feelings. I’m sad that Matt had took the week of, I am pissed because he asked someone to look after him like I am a baby, and I am touched that he had asked someone to watch over me.

“Guess you guys failed at making sure I wasn’t hurt or some shit huh?” Zacky flinched as he looked at my bruised jaw line that didn’t even sting anymore. Brian had found out that Matt was pissed at me for some unknown reason and trapped me in the guys changing room after gym and beat the shit out of me. If not for Butch and Daniel (my beloved cousins) I probably wouldn’t be in good shape now.

“Well fuck he doesn’t even have your gym class with you and I don’t either so how the fuck could I watch you?” My hand wants to connect with his face. I just nod and we walk out to join the others.

“We can head over to my house where we can drink and smoke without my parents watching since they’re outta town.” Jimmy offers and we all agree as we start to head that way. I was arm-and-arm with Val and Chelle as we walk towards his house. Everyone talks but my mind was caught up on how a familiar the car in the front of Jimmy’s house looks.

I can hear familiar voices as we near and I stop in my tracks. The girls look at me with an identical frown. “I think I forgot my keys for the house at home.” Chelle gave me a droll look before pulling them out of my pocket.

“I saw you lock up before we left.” Val squeezed my arm reassuringly before we start to walk again.

It was weird to see Matt again. However, as weird as it was, my throat cloggs up when he looks up at me, his cheeks flushed, then he looks away from me. Brian was different though, he got up so fast that I flinch as he lunges out and grabs his girlfriend and pulls her in for a heated kiss. I notice someone else and smile at Leana as she looks up and waves at me. I wave back with one hand and catch the beer that just hit my chest.

I caught myself in the middle of a flinch. My chest hurt still from having it kicked in the other day. “Um thanks…” Val pulls me over to where an empty chair was. I sit down and she plops down on my knee and grabs my hand and wraps them around her waist like something Matt used to do with her. She looks over her shoulder and smiles at me. She leans in as if to kiss me and her hair hung over her face so no one could see what she’s doing. He lips whisper quietly near my ear.

“Matt is all puffed up like a porcupine!”

“Why are you doing this?”

“To see if he gets jealous of me…” She stares deep in my eyes and winks at me. I can hear JB and Matty wooting like idiots. She pulls away and moves just enough out of my way for me to see that Matt is raging to himself.

“Thought you were gay Seward” He snarls.

“What does it matter if he is or he isn’t? Maybe that’s the type of friends we are?” Val says calmly and smoothly, as if this doesn’t even affect her. Which it probably didn’t seeing as my best girlfriend is known to be very sensuous.

“What are you fucking my ex Seward along with Aaron?!” That was a low blow considering what had happened. I push Val gently off my leg and got up in his face, and I wasn’t lying when I say I was in his face because he hadn’t stood up. “What you want a piece of me too?”

I did but it wasn’t about to be said out loud. “Look Matt, I get it, you’re a fucking homophobe but you can take your dick and shove it up your ass and fuck yourself.” He stands up and pushes me on my ass.

“Guys just stop!” Zacky gets between us and holds Matt back as Jas helps me to my feet. Once I got there I lunge at both Zacky and Matt. We all fall to the ground; Zacky loses his breath and I grab on to Matt as we start going at each other. Soon all the guys were trying to break us up and the girls were standing and watching in horror.

“What the FUCK Johnny?!” Zacky yells as Jason and Matty fights to hold me back, while Brian and Jimmy fight to hold Matt back, and Zacky tries to get his breath.

“Sorry Zacky but I’m fucking tired of this shit!”

“I think that the three of us needs some words alone if you guys don’t mind.” Zacky says and everyone freezes and looks at Zacky like he’s a fucking idiot. “Go!” They left only Matt, Zacky, and me. “Follow me.” We do and end up in his car. I am in the back as Zacky drives us to the park. “Get out.” He had parks and waits for us.

“Why’d you bring us here Zack?” Matt growls low in his throat.

“Because what we’re going to talk about I knew you guys wouldn’t want an audience.” We stops at a little picnic table and sits. Zacky’s on one side of the table, Matt and I are on the opposite side of him with a huge gap between us. Zacky take a deep breath and rakes a hand through his hair. “I know what each of you feel about each other.” We both look at each and glare, then look back at Zacky who looks uncomfortable. “Can you just both make nice and kiss and makeup?” He flinches when Matt slams his hands on the table.

“You know nothing Zacky!” Matt stands and storms off.

“I’ll be back Johnny.” Zacky runs after Matt and I sit there. They look like they were arguing and then Matt looks as if he’ll throw up before he looks at me with haunted eyes, then back at Zacky. Matt nods and Zacky comes over to me without Matt. “He says he wants to talk with you.”

Cautiously moving towards Matt, I hold my breath as I stand beside him. “Is it true that Aaron broke up with you because you wouldn’t put out?” My heart stops and I can’t think. Matt growls and pulls me towards him, to where we stand chest-to-chest. “Answer Seward!”

“Y-Yes…”

“He’s a dick!” He pulls me into a tender embrace and I almost start to cry. Aaron is a dick and he still taunts me for refusing to have sex with him. Feeling Matt’s hands slide up and down my back I finally let go of my tears and try to pull away. He only holds me tighter. How can this guy do this to me? How can he be so cold and annoying one day than a fucking sweet heart the next?

My body shakes as I cry into his chest and push on his chest. I need to get away before I get myself hurt, if not physically, than mentally and emotionally. He didn’t let me go though. He let me cry and I can feel his heartbeat strong under my palms.

“Stop Johnny!” Him using my first name makes me freeze. Looking up in to his lovely hazel eyes, I didn’t see any hatred or anger or anything of the kind. He leans down far enough that his lips brush mine as he talks. “Johnny I don’t know what we’re doing, hell I don’t know what I’m doing. All I know is that last week on Monday I lost my mind, Tuesday Zacky bothered me enough that I told him what had happened, Wednesday I asked Jim and Zack to look out for you, Thursday I drank myself to a fucking stupor, Friday I thought of nothing but you, and today I see you kissing my ex like we didn’t have anything going on between us. I lost it and here we are.” His lips closes over mine before I can think to speak or ask questions.

Pulling back from my lips he moves to my neck and skims his lips over it. “Matt we didn’t kiss.” He stops to look at me.

“Then what—”

“She just whispered in my ear and she wanted to make you jealous for me…” His lips again crush mine but this time with heated passion. He pulls back when were panting.

“Well it worked” He pulls from our embrace and looks at his hands. “So what do we do?”

“Well I guess we go back to fighting but this time I don’t think I’ll stand by and let you—” He covers my mouth to silence me.

“I can’t even deal with pushing you to the ground. I was just jealous but I know deep down I can’t kick your ass anymore.” He looks deep into my eyes and sighs. “I meant what do we do about our relationship?”

“We’re in a relationship?” I say around his mouth. He pulls it away and looks at me.

“Um… is that what this is. I mean I don’t mind having a friend with benefits but I know you’re not like that.”

“Well we’re not even friends… well not really.” His expression is one of hurt. “I mean we can start over and see where it goe—”

“Um guys I’m glad you’re on the same foot but my girlfriend is at Jimmy’s now and we have a date tonight so I kind of need to get back. Are you coming?” Zacky says after clearing his throat.

Before I can speak Matt tells him we’ll walk to his house because we’re not done talking yet. Zacky nods and smiles at us before he leaves. Holly hell, his house, I thought to myself. When Zack’s car is out of sight Matt pulls my lips back to his.

“I can’t just be your friend Johnny, I need these kisses I think.” He seems so desperate and sincere that I almost say ‘sure’. This time I give a firm push.

“Matt I just can’t forget what happened between us.” He frowns. “I need a real friendship first, maybe you’ll discover that you aren’t… bi-curious after all.”

He grabs mine hand and puts it over his fly where it is bulging. “Tell me that I don’t want you!” He growls as I squeeze out of curiosity. “Tell me that you don’t make my mind crazy!”

“Matt you just need someone to… to fuck!” I scream and pull away, then start to walk off towards a small pond in the middle of the park. Knowing he is following I continue. “You just need someone who is easy and if you didn’t notice with Aaron that I’m not that kind of boy then you’ll never make it with me.”

Sitting down on the edge of the pond I look up at the sky and wait for him to follow suit. He sits and I take his hand in mine. “Matt I can’t just let you win. I let you win once and that’s why we’re here. It’s why you’re confused and turning for my side of the fence you know. I want you to be sure before I let you do this again.”

“Johnny I think I know, well my body knows that this is what it wants.”

“And if you’re wrong Matt? You’ll hate me like you did before.” I pause and look at our locked hands. Swiftly kissing his hands, I continue, “Someone will get burned, and I’m positive it’ll be me.”

He stares at me for a few minutes. Then suddenly he drops my hands and stands and starts to stomp further into the park. Scrambling to get up, I rush after him. “Matt!” I place a hand on his shoulder when he refuses to stop.

“Johnny I get it now.” He attempts to shrug off my touch but I only hold tighter. He turns around and pushes me gently off him and continues to storm off further in the thicker woods of the park.

“Matt… Stop!” he starts to run, forcing me to follow suit. When we pass the pond, getting on a trail through the woods, I decide I’m going to have to tackle him (or attempt to). Taking a lunge towards him I grab his waist in a tight squeeze and knock us to the hard ground. He curses as his breath is knocked out of him. My shoulder stings from tackling him but I refuse to move.

“Get off me Seward!” He screams, struggling to turn us over so he can get up.

“Will you stop running?”

“Fuck you Seward…” He continues to struggle, this time using his elbow he hit me in my nose roughly and causes it to bleed. I scream in pain and roll off him and hold my nose. He winces and looks at the trickle of blood leaking between my fingers grasping my nose. “Shit…”

Moving closer to me he tries to remove my hand from my nose. He winces as I finally remove my hand. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” His eyes and voice softens. His rips the hem of his shirt and help me stop the bleeding. “Doesn’t look broken.” I nod at him.

“Let’s just go to your house so you can take me home.” He nods and helps me stand. I have to catch myself because my knees are weak.

~`~`~`~`

“Amy’s going to be gone for the night and my parents are out of town. Do you want to come in to clean up?” He asks looking at his feet as he scuffs his shoe on the ground.

“That would be nice.” He opens the door for me and lets me walk in.

He shows me to the bathroom and where the towels are. “If you want to take a shower you can. I’ll wait for you.” I nod stiffly and close the door and strip down and get in the shower.

After about 10 minutes I feel eyes watching me through the clear shower curtain. My muscles tighten as I turn to see Matt looking, his mouth parted and his chest heaving with his heavy breaths. He’s naked himself and stepping toward the shower. My breath catching as he moves towards me. I am forced to press my back against the wall of the shower and the spray of water hits my side as he steps in. He smiles making his dimples pop out.

“I figured I need a bath also. Do you mind?” I shake my head no and my breath catches as he presses his very aroused body against mine. “Good because I don’t want to force this on you.” My breath catches as he bends his head down to mine.

“What are you doing?” I sound breathless, and I hate it.

“I’ll leave that to your imagination.” He gently kisses my forehead, leading kisses over my face until he’s roughly kissing my mouth. I wince as his nose brushes mine. He notices and pulls back to frown but quickly kisses my lips again. He begins a slow, burning descend down to my neck, nipping at it with his teeth. Wondering if he’s thinking of me or a girl I tense a little. He starts down my chest until he bites one of my nipples. I suck in my breath and my already fast-beating heart, picks it up a notch. His smiles against my skin as I grasp his shoulders. His tongue laps at my belly button and I tense again.

Before he can think of moving down, I reverse our positions and press him against the wall. “Matt I don’t think you’re ready for this.” I pull his lips back to mine before he remarks. I grab the wash rag and begin washing his chest and neck. He groans as I work the wash rag down his body and rub his throbbing erection. He starts to gasp for breath when I drop the wash rag and start to stroke him. My lips take on the same path that his had. He grabs at my long-haired Mohawk. He urges me on as my lips trail kisses on his thighs avoiding the place I know he wants my lips. I chuckle a little as his hands began to lead my mouth to the place he wants it at.

“Matt the more you try to force me there the more I’ll tease you.” Giving a resounding lick to his groin bone he releases my head. “Good boy…” He gently pops my shoulder and then groans as I lick down his erection. Finally I give into our desire and take him into my mouth. Moaning begins to irrupt from his chest and he goes back to cupping my head. At first it’s slow teasing strokes. But all too soon he’s directing me to go faster.

“Johnny I am going to blow…” He’s cut off as I pull him from my mouth and start to use my hand until he cums moments later. He’s panting as he pulls me up by my hair and kisses me. His hand goes to my own erection and starts to us his hand to make me cum.

“Let’s get out!” He groans eagerly in my ear and turns off the water, picks me up, and carries me to his bed room before we can dry off. Soon he is kissing me again and getting ready to have sex with me.

“Matt…” He nibbles at my neck. He’s pressing into my ass. “Stop!” He pauses. “Do you have a condom?”

“Yes… why do we need it if you’ve only been with me and I don’t have anything?”

“Because I would feel better,” he growls and reaches over me to the nightstand. Pulling the drawer open roughly and grabbing a condom. His hands are fierce and sure as he puts it on and begins to push back into me. I tense as he stretches me. I whimper a little as he settles fully in me.

“Fuck Johnny. So…fucking…tight!” He groans and starts to pump into me. It’s still too uncomfortable for me to enjoy it. He realizes soon that I am not enjoying it and stops. “Johnny, am I hurting you?” I nod slightly and he pulls out roughly, which only hurts worse. “Fuck… I’m an ass.” He tries to pull away but I reach behind me and grab him.

“Use some lubricant…” I blush a little remembering that the first time had hurt as well but he found my sweet spot soon so that there was only pleasure. He nods and grabs it out of the drawer. I sigh this time as he slips in and starts to pump. He relaxes as I start to grip at his ass. His movements begin to speed up and he finds my spot. Moaning as he continues to hit it, my nails dig into his skin. When we both cum, I lay in his arms.

My fingers lazily trace patterns into his skin as I fall asleep. “One day Matt, I’ll pay you back for that.” He chuckles and kisses my forehead.

“I don’t think I’ll ever let you put your dick in my ass short shit.” He laughs throatily.

I lift up on my elbow so that we’re eye-to-eye. “You will Matt, and when that day comes, you’ll be giving me the blow job and asking me to use lube…” I smile at his expression and lay down against his chest finally giving into sleep.