On My Way

We had just arrived in Ireland. I was awfully tired and so was Hayden so we checked-in a hotel, after deciding to find Aaron tomorrow.

I threw my luggage on the bed , as soon as I entered the hotel room. Then I kicked off my shoes and lay on the bed. Hayden closed the door and without saying a word he sat on the bed and lit a cigarette. I sat on the bed and took the cigarette from his hand. "You can not smoke while I am here! You are smoking too much." , I said. His expression was stiff. I leaned forward to kiss him but he turned away and coughed hard, then grabbed the cigarette and stood up. What was he doing? What was wrong?

' Hayden? Did I do something wrong?'

' What..? Huh, no.'

'Please, don't smoke.'

'Please , just.. cut it Alexa...'

"Cut it" ?

He started walking inside the room. I grabbed his hand and took the cigarette away from his mouth and kissed him. His lips were tight, cold and he did not kiss me back. 'Hayden!' i said, confused. He felt so far .

'Kiss me like you did before . . . please?'

He put his arm around my waist slowly and pulled me closer. He looked ashamed and sad. Then, he kissed me like he did before ; passionately, full with emotion, hot. I grabbed his neck with one hand and carressed his hair with the other. I sat on the soft bed and pulled him even closer, so close that our breaths mixed. Then I just made love with him again, like everything was ok.

...

I woke up, some time close to midnight. Hayden was sitting on the edge of the bed, coughing. It must have been his coughing that woke me up.
I sighed and yawned, then turned on the light. 'Hayden.. Are you alright?' i whispered. He jumped and turned to look at me, he took a sip from his glass of water on the bedside desk and stared at me. 'There is something you are not telling me! What Is wrong?' I said angrily. OK now, I knew something was just not right and Hayden was not sharing it! I was confused when he answered;

'This Is just too good to be true! This is all just gonna end and you and I both know it!'

I wrapped the blanket on my shoulders and sat beside him.

'What are you talking about, love?'

He took a deep breath and kept talking ;

'When we meet Aaron, I know that the relationship will change between you and me. I know It! I can feel It!'

'No, Hayden... don't ever say things like that! Ever! Aaron... I know I am not seeing him for, like, I dont know, too long but I love you nothing can ever change that!'

'Forget about Aaron then, but eventually, you live in the U.K and I live in the U.S. Our lives are so different! It is a miracle that we even met! How do you think this will work out! We will have to part eventually!'

I felt sick, tears filled my eyes , I just wanted to die, what was he trying to say?

'Hayden-what-are you-..trying-what do you mean? You don't want to be together? What-'

He touched my lips and gazed at me for a while.

'No, Alexa. No. I am just so afraid of losing you and we just met on the road. Will our relationship go on for ever? Tell me!'

I swallowed, he was right. I sobbed silently and hugged him. ' You're right I guess. Not for ever. But I want forever! I just love you so much Hayden! I don't care if we just met on the road and all that.. Let's just avoid thinking about these things and ...'

I looked in his eyes, they were watery and red.

Hayden sighed and I fell silent. What was all this 'sighing'? I stood up and started walking in the room. I was crying when Hayden grabbed my waist. 'No, Hayden, leave It!' i sobbed, I didn't wanted to talk or think about those things.. But instead of talking, Hayden pulled me close and whispered ;

'I am sorry... please, kiss me like you did before?...'

I kissed him, but it was cold, silent and not like before at all.