Manage Me, I'm a Mess

Alex stood up abruptly. I fell to the ground shocked and dumbfounded.

Abort it. Abort a little baby Alex.

No I wouldn’t let her. No, no, no.

I didn’t realize I’d been screaming no until I felt a small single kiss on my temple. The smell of Alex’s cologne mixed with the rain filled my nose. I took a deep breath and looked straight into his brown eyes.

“Don’t let her.” I whispered.

“It’s her body. She can do what she wants.” Alex was right. It was Sally-Ann’s body. Who was I to tell her what she can and can’t do?

“But but you’re the Dad. You have rights do something” I screamed at Alex. My hands turned into fists and hit him repetitively on the chest. Each hit getting harder and harder. Until it got too much he grabbed my fists and pulled me into a standing position.

“I know it’s hard but I will try my best. You think I want her to abort it. You of all people know exactly how I feel about…” Alex’s mouth went dry. He tried to finish his sentence but he couldn’t.

Both I and Alex have lost a sibling.
Someone actually wanting to kill a child was indescribably horrible to me and Alex.
Alex lost his brother to suicide. It changed everyone around him lives. No-one took any life for granted, a dog, a cat, a person even a fly. Everything became precious. Live for the moment. Do what you want. You don’t know when your life will be turned upside down.
Alex still struggles to cope with the death of his brother but he carries on now. His a fighter.
Finally when I thought everything was okay.
Alex was coping better; Mrs. and Mr. Gaskarth were slowly moving on.
Disaster and heart break struck in my family.
Lauren Diane Peterson…
1 year old…
Bright, dazzling blue eyes…
Small baby button nose…
Soft, pure porcelain skin…
Tiny fingers…
Tiny toes…
.
.
.
CAR ACCIDENT…
A drunk driver hit the side that Lauren was placed sleeping softly in her car seat.
Just turned one a week ago.
Pink butterfly clip that I placed softly in her chestnut hair that morning.
A loud piercing scream from my mother as she saw the car swerve towards her.

5 week long coma.
Then she was gone. Taken
She never got to live her life and she never will all because of one accident.

A year on now. My mum is in a wheelchair a side effect from the accident.
Dad left when he couldn’t cope with the crying from me and mum.
Alex filled his place.
It was odd seeing my best friend hold my mum’s body to him while she cried, hit out and grieved.
It was gut wrenchingly sick to watch my best friend place her in her wheelchair then wheel her to the court were the man that took my baby sisters life got a few years.
It was heartbreaking to watch the small tiny coffin lower into the ground as Lauren Diane Peterson was shut away from us forever.

I still think about her every day.
My apartment is full of her baby pictures.
I’ll never forget her and I’ll never let anyone waste a life.

Alex tried to squeeze me close to him but I pulled away and grabbed his hand instead.

“Let’s get some sleep. Were up early tomorrow, got to go visit that bitch” I spat quickly pulling him upstairs and into my room.

It wasn’t out of the ordinary for me and Alex to share a bed. As soon as Alex’s head hit the pillow he was out. I stared for 5 minutes just watching him breath, he was an amazing person, breathtaking and he helped me so much with Lauren. I would not let someone take away a little baby Alex. No way!