Manage Me, I'm a Mess

We had finally arrived home. Alex was quiet all the way home only humming along to certain Blink 182 songs that came on the stereo.

Jack, Rian and Zack had to go home.
Rian to Kara.
Zack to work out and Jack to just be his crazy self.

I think they all felt awkward about what had happened at Sally-Ann’s. I didn’t know how to feel about what had happened at Sally-Ann’s.

She really didn’t want her baby.

Puling the quilt and pillows off the couch. I walked up the stairs ready to put them into the cupboard. Alex was downstairs making some lunch for the both of us. I tried standing on tip toes, jumping but I still couldn’t reach. I was just too short. The quilt and pillow feel down onto my head with a soft thud. The soft thud was followed by a sly snickering laugh.

Alex

I fought my way out of the quilt and pillow cocoon and looked at Alex with big eyes and a soft pout. He was drawn in and walked slowly closer to me. His laughing subsided and his face became more serious. Finally he made it in front of my body. He knelt down, his face coming close to mine. I took in a sharp breath.
Please don’t let my feelings for him come back. These past years I’d buried them so deep and now they were going to surface. Well I wouldn’t let them. It would just make everything to complicated. As if it weren’t complicated enough with the baby and the band.

I turned my head away sharply. Alex’s breath hit my neck softly causing goose bumps to ripple over my entire body.

“The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you”

Alex whispered as he took the quilt and pillows from me. He reached up. His shirt slowing drifting up showing his stomach and mousy brown snail trail. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. Finally the quilt and pillow were put away and Alex was back to his normal height. He looked down at me, and saw that I was blushing. He brought up both of his calloused hands and swept them softly over my heat radiating cheeks. His eyes didn’t show the usual sparkle of playfulness. I knew it was time to discuss what had happened at Sally-Ann’s.

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“So about what Sally-Ann said?” Alex said looking deeply into my eyes. I felt the need to shy away from his eyes but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his gorgeous brown eyes.

“Well, she’s keeping the baby. So it’s good. Nothing more to discuss. Want a drink?” I rushed all my words out quickly. Alex smirked at the idea of me being flustered.

“Katie, baby. There is more to discuss.” Alex whispered leaning his head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him and let out a sigh.

“When she has the baby she is going to give him or her to me, and I’m going to need you Katie. I’m going to need you a hell of a lot. The baby needs a mother in its life and I think everyone knows that Sally-Ann will not be in its life. So, erm, so you could be like it’s err mum?”

I didn’t answer Alex. Everything he was saying made sense, but it just seemed so odd and unusual. I always thought the first child I brought up would be biologically mine. This baby wouldn’t be mine. Sure it would be part of someone I loved with all my heart, but it wouldn’t be mine. What if Sally-Ann did want to be the mum in the baby’s life? I’d lose Alex for good.

When I didn’t answer Alex carried on.

“It wouldn’t be like a relationship. You’d still be my best friend. But when I’m recording and maybe if we are big enough, touring then you’d help look after the little baby. When I have trouble with the baby, you’d be there to help. Please Katie, I need this. I need you

So what do you say?