Our Heat Is Gone

A mix of so many different noises around the airport to the flights being announced to families arguing or greeting each other to even from the food courts came from one ear to the other as I stared at my cell phone in my hands. I don’t know how long I had been staring at it. Perhaps the whole time I was here waiting on my flight to be called out, my family and friends surrounding me. I was starting to also get nervous. My best friend wasn’t here yet as Dan had claimed him to be a couple of hours ago. Checking my cell phone frequently there was nothing in my inbox or any missed calls from Max.

“You know, when you go back to America, your phone pretty much has no purpose while you’re there.” Matt stated.

“That is true.” I replied.

I changed my cell phone number when I got to the UK believing that I would spend the rest of my life here. I let out a sigh and let everyone else know that I was going to get a cup of coffee from the café.

Making my way towards the nearest café in the airport I ordered the usual and took a seat. For the millionth time that day, I checked my phone again and there was nothing on it once again. It was one thing not saying goodbye to Josh, but not being able to say goodbye to another person who also meant a lot to me was another. Not that Josh wasn't just as important to me as Max is, because Josh is. I love him. Though as of yesterday, or the day we went out, has put us on a whole new different situation. Our relationship was sinking and how could we fix it when in a couple of minutes I’m about to board on a plane back to the states, another continent away. As far as I know, Josh and I weren’t exactly on good terms. So which explains in a way as to why I wasn’t really concerned as much for Josh not being by my side right now. Not exactly how I pictured this moment, but this was another outcome I was dreading, exactly him not being by my side or saying goodbye appropriately. With Max, he is, as I clarified, my best friend. There is nothing wrong between us. Our friendship was perfect. I may have not known him for my whole life, but everything was right with us. So it just doesn’t make sense to me at all as to why he isn’t here by my side.

My order and name was called from behind the counter, breaking my thoughts, I stood up and went over to get my drink, but as I reached over to it, it was taken away by another person.

“Hey.” I said turning to face the stranger.

“The usual.” I heard him say and I knew he had taken a sip from my coffee. Though it was no stranger.

“Max, you jerk!” I exclaimed and hit him on the chest playfully.

He laughed lightly and said: “Chill out, I’m holding a hot cup of coffee, you know.”

“That’s mine.” I replied and taking it from him. I took a sip of it and mentally cursed myself as my face scrunched up and I burnt my tongue.

“Ah, you burnt your tongue!” Max said and started laughing.

“Shut up! Why weren’t you here earlier? The guys showed up hours ago, but not you. I’m kind of disappointed.” I asked him as we started walking away from the café and making our way towards everyone back in the waiting area.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.“ Max apologized and engulfed in a tight hug, making sure not to burst my cup of coffee. “I had to do something important.” He answered my first question.

“What’s so important than seeing your best friend and spending time with her before she leaves?” I joked then taking a sip of my drink once more. Max opened his mouth, but nothing came out and his eyes looked up past me. My eyebrows furrowed, my gaze held with confusion, and I turned around to see what or who he was looking at. Instantly, my expression changed to a blank one. Josh was standing behind us.

I turned back around to Max and he whispered in my ear: “I’ll be with everyone else. You two should talk.” He gave me a light hug, stole my drink, then walked away. I tried to gather up my thoughts for a moment. Max convinced him to come here or what?

“Hey.” Josh said kind of quietly that a normal person probably might’ve not heard, but he was the only thing that my mind was focused on that I heard it loud and clear. I looked back up and greeted him back in the same volume. “Hey.”

He had on a purple zip up hoodie, a plain white t-shirt on the inside, a simple pair of regular jeans and shoes on, his hair was tousled, not having bothered to fix it, but that’s how he always was. Simple and I loved it. His tired eyes were something different though. I guess he didn’t really sleep last night.

Shoving his hands down his two front pockets, Josh walked closer to me, and started talking. “So you’re really leaving, huh?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I am.”

“I hope you’re grandma feels better soon.”

“Thanks.”

This was getting awkward and terrible. I’ve never had an awkward moment this bad since maybe the first time I came here and met everyone.

“Are you really not coming back?” He asked scared of my answer.

My mouth opened and closed a few times and tried to find a way to tell him better than how it came out last night. “I really don’t know.” I told him sincerely and watched his face sort of fall as he dropped his gaze from my face to the floor. It hurt knowing that this might be the last time I could see those blue eyes anymore, seeing him in general for that matter.

My flight was finally echoed throughout the airport and I looked back seeing from a far my mom getting up from her seat and everyone around her hugging her already. I turned back around to face Josh and he was looking back up at me. I bit my lip and stared back almost getting teary eyed. I was going to leave him for real.

“I guess this is goodbye?” I asked not really needing an answer. He only walked even closer to me and wrapped his arms around me. I didn’t hesitate and wrapped my arms around him tightly, then I let the tears slip out.

“I’m going to miss you so fucking much.” He muffled in my hair.

“I’m going to miss you too.” I said into his shoulder.

He pulled away a bit, picked up my head with his hand, and leaned in to press his lips to mine lightly. I clutched onto his hoodie as he cupped my cheek with his hand still kissing me. When he ran his tongue along my lip, I pulled away and looked down at his shirt, not wanting to go further or make things harder for us.

I released my grip from his hoodie behind him and he pulled us apart a bit more and ran his thumbs across my face to wipe away the tears also shoving aside some of my hair away from my face.

“Here.” He started as I watched him fish something out of his pockets. I saw something sparkle and I realized it was the ring he proposed to me with. “I want you to keep it.” He finished giving me the ring.

“I-I can’t take that, Josh.”

“Yes, you can. I want you to.” He said trying to put the ring on one of my fingers, but I moved my hands away from him.

“No. I can’t.” I stated once more. He stopped trying and put the ring back in his pocket. I wanted to take it, but I really couldn‘t.

“I’ll wait for you.” He insisted as we let go of each other.

“Don’t.”

“Why not? Just because you say you’re not coming back, I shouldn’t wait for you?”

“If I don‘t, I don‘t want to hold you down.” I told him trying to explain myself. I wasn’t exactly planning on coming back even though this is where I felt like I belonged. He didn’t reply to that statement and I was glad he didn’t. I just didn’t feel like explaining myself anymore. My flight was announced once more through the speakers.

“I love you, Lexi.” He told me forgetting everything else that was said earlier.

“I love you too, Josh.” I said back and started walking back to where everyone else was.

Max walked up to me and attacked me with a hug. I cheered up a bit and returned his hug. When he let go he noticed my previous expression and realized what probably happened.

“It’s gonna be alright, Lex.” He assured me, patting my back lightly, and I took his word for it.

I looked back behind me once more after slinging my carry-on over my shoulder and saw Josh still standing there where I left him. He was looking at the ring this time. I felt a pang in my heart as I saw his reaction to me turning that ring down for the second time.