Your Love is my Drug

I walked into the room with Brent, my fingers laced with his. I had rarely seen Patrick over the last few days, but tonight was a charity event- and all of the Blackhawks were going to be here.

Brent was in a classy black suit, which made him look extremely handsome. He wore a skinny black tie on his white dress shirt, and shiny black shoes that suggested he was a lot more mature than he really was.

I wore a dark purple dress, it was strapless and heart shaped on the top. It was cute, but I felt a lot less then beautiful standing next to Brent. He looked perfect, and undeservingly, he was all mine.

“You look great babe,” he whispered, as we approached the table, “Smile.”

I glanced up at him and gave him a light smile, my heart fluttering, “Thanks.”

We joined the rest of the Blackhawks and their dates at the table. Jonathan didn’t even look at me, even if I stared at him for five minutes, he wouldn’t turn his head. He was there was some girl whom I knew he wasn’t dating- but was merely a good friend and she, instead, said hello.

Further down the table, Patrick sat with a brunette. She was clearly flirting with him, and she was clearly a bombshell. She was curled right up to him, her hand wrapped around his arm and without even looking; I could tell that she was most likely playing footsy with him underneath the table.

Throughout the evening, I stayed put with Brent, all my attention on him. There was no way that I was even going to speak with Patrick in front of Jonathan. Sitting next to me was Sharpie and then Kris, so it was relatively a good evening; however I couldn’t miss the burning eyes on the back of my head every time I looked away.

Everyone had fun, some had a little more than others, but it was all satisfying and raised enough money to really benefit the charity. The guys signed some things and took pictures, before I knew it, we were heading back home.

I sat in the front seat, slouched over, yawning.

His hand reached over to pat my knee, “Tired, babe?”

I smiled and gave a lazy nod, wrapping my fingers around his, cherishing it. I was almost drained from the lying. I thought about not having him next to me, not having him stand up for me, not having him love me- and it killed. I hadn’t realized how much he truly meant.

Sucking in my bottom lip, I bit down. I glanced out the window quickly, watching the road pass by. I couldn’t cry or breakdown next to him, I was already hinting enough.

We pulled up into the driveway and I was all too eager to rush upstairs into bed and pull the covers over myself. However, he waited in front of the car for me and when I reached him, took my hand and just looked- offering the weakest, most sympathetic smile I’ve ever seen.

“Are you okay? This thing with your parents is bothering you more than usual.”

I choked back the tears and the want to spill, and gave a slow, soft nod.

He pulled me up into the house; I was literally growing weaker with every step. I changed into PJ’S and he stripped down into his boxers, and for the millionth night in a row, we climbed into bed together. I listened for his steady breathing, signalling he was fast asleep, before I started to cry.

I covered my face, hatred for myself spilling out of my eyes. I was possibly the worst person in the world and I did NOT deserve to be with Brent. He did NOT deserve for me to break his heart; he deserved to break mine... into a thousand little pieces.
I sniffled quietly, suppressing the need to sob.

I needed to make a decision.