Eyes of Light

Why did I suddenly feel in a daze? It was like I couldn’t focus on anything. I couldn’t even find the cafeteria door, but I managed.

Voices immediately began to fill my ears as people sat at their tables, eating a variety of food. I didn’t know where Nick was, but I spotted Josh and Anna easily. Was there a mirror somewhere? I had to make sure I wasn’t smiling like an idiot. There was no reason to smile, anyway. Nick kissed me. Big deal; so did Josh. I took a deep breath and told myself not to lie to… well, myself.

I wanted to squeal like a little girl. There.

Breathing deeply, I slowly moved past people, my stomach twisting at the aroma of food. I was starving, but I couldn’t eat now. I just needed to calm down about everything. Anna suddenly looked up and smiled widely, not bothering to wave me over because she knew that’s where I was going already. I had to tell myself to smile back… unless I already was. I didn't know.

“Hey,” she grinned when I slid next to her, Josh across. There were a few other people at the table, but as soon as I sat down, they looked away. What was wrong with me? I looked down at my hand, realizing I still had a faint glow gold, but they couldn’t see that.

“Hey,” I cleared my throat, running my shaky hand through my.

“Why have you been gone so much? I missed you!” she squealed, ripping off some of her pizza to stick it in her mouth. I eyed it hungrily but refrained from grabbing it, shifting uncomfortably instead. I opened my mouth to speak, but Josh cut me off.

“And why has that Jonas kid been gone so much, too? And when you come back, he comes back…” Jonas kid. He has a name.

“I had some family stuff to do… umm, he knows them so he’s helping.” Smooth, right? I’m such a terrible liar. I hated this. Why couldn’t I just tell them?

“But your dad says he hasn’t seen you for a while and he’s worried sick! He almost called the cops, you know,” Anna spoke up, nodding furiously. I looked away, sighing heavily.

“We were doing stuff for one of my mom’s best friends. Well, a few of them, actually…”

“So are you going home today?” Josh asked, bringing my attention back to him.

Where was Nick? Did he leave? That would be so like him… but so unlike him, too. He couldn’t just leave me here and skip out. He had to be around here somewhere…

“No. We have something else to take care of.” We. I kind of liked the sound of that. Why was my head so jumbled?

“We?” Josh replied, confused. “But then are you going home?”

“Uh… no.” I knew that was true. I couldn’t go home yet. I had to follow Nick to… wherever he wanted to go.

“What’s up with you and him? Why are you hanging out with him out of school?”

“What is this? An interrogation!” I finally snapped, not realizing how loud my voice was. They looked just about as shocked as I felt, my eyes scanning the cafeteria nervously. It was almost deadly silent as everyone stared at me, whispering to each other in groups. I felt my face begin to burn and my hand shook; I gulped. Before either of them could answer, I heard that velvet voice, but it was stern.

“Lonnie, come here,” he ordered, and I slowly turned around to see him. He was so close to me, his tall figure staring down at me with his soft chocolate eyes. I felt my breath pull back and I shut my eyes, slowly swinging my legs around. People were still staring.

“But-” I started, but his eyes told me to shut up. Great. Now he was angry with me. Was he bi-polar? First he’s nice, then he’s angry for no reason; he kisses me, and now he’s back to angry.

I sighed heavily and began to follow him as he trailed for the doors, aware that all the girls were now staring at him and his godly looks. I took a moment to glance at his face. He didn’t look like he was older than seventeen, like twenty, so to say. He had boyish features; like the way his full lips twitched a little and the way his curls seemed to fall onto his forehead. He had all those little freckles speckled across the right side of his cheek and neck, and even a tiny one on his nose. He looked stern, but I could see softness in him. I could see someone that’s smile could brighten a whole room or a laugh that would make you want to grin back. If only he did those more often.

I could see the real Nick for a split second, when he glanced over at me as we got closer to the door. I could see the way he looked so confused but, at the same time, like he had everything pulled together in some magical way. He was a perfectionist, I could tell. He wanted everything his way. If his was only a little lighter…

And then he shocked me again. We weren’t even to the doors fully, everyone’s eyes still--of course--on us, and his soft hand grabbed mine gently. It wasn’t as if he were going to tug me along, but it was another of those moments where he was actually holding my hand… and his fingers twined with mine. I couldn’t understand his mood swings. Stupid boys.

I felt two eyes burning into me from behind and, glancing behind my shoulder, I gulped; Josh was staring narrowly, his eyes locked on our hands. Something bubbled up inside me and I felt like Nick did that on purpose, the way his lips suddenly twitched as if he could feel him staring, and then he pulled me closer, pushing me in front of him to exit the door first.

I shut my mouth momentarily, chewing on my lip with anger, and took in the cool air once we stepped outside, away from everyone. He began to pull me to the parking lot, and that’s when I groaned angrily.

“Nick! What are you-” I hissed, but he cut me off. His finger pressed against my lips gently, silencing me with a calm face, and my heart fluttered. What was wrong with him? Better yet, what was wrong with me?

“We need to talk.”

Oh great. Now I was nervous again. I felt my breathing pick up a little, his finger sliding off my lips and back down to his side.

“A-about what?”

“What are you telling them?” he questioned. I sighed.

“I’m lying to them, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“And they believe you?” he asked in disbelief, knitting his eyebrows together.

“Yeah,” I scoffed, shrugging. I winced at the sudden pain in my arm. At least I wasn’t dazed anymore. “Why wouldn’t they?”

“Sorry to burst your bubble Lonnie, but you’re a terrible liar,” he snorted, his eyes full of amusement. I was both surprised and angry. I knew I was terrible at it; he didn’t have to go and bring it up.

“How do you know?” I retorted, not bothering to pull the hand that was still in his away. I didn’t want to. I blushed.

“Did you like the way Josh kissed you?” he asked suddenly, getting my face to burn farther.

“How is that your business?” I grumbled.

“It is my business and it’s a question, so answer it,” he demanded now, his eyes locking mine.

“Yes,” I shrugged, and he stared at me intently for a moment.

“You liar,” he hissed, but it wasn’t angry… he was actually laughing. My mouth dropped open and I blushed further, pulling my hand away.

“I am not! It wasn’t that bad.”

“But you didn’t like it,” he chuckled. I took a second to listen to the softness of it before huffing.

“And how would you know?” I couldn’t cross my arms, but I could place it on my hip.

“Because I know you,” he answered confidently.

“No you don’t. You don’t know me Nick,” I growled, and he suddenly became silent, concentrated. His eyes seemed to glow as he stared at me, swimming with frustration, confusion, and softness.

“But I want to get to know you,” he whispered, and I could’ve sworn he really didn’t even say it. I wasn’t crazy, though. Maybe I was a witch, but I wasn’t crazy too.

“What?” I whispered, unsure.

“I said-” he sighed heavily, shrugging his shoulders, running his fingers through his this curls. “I want to get to know you.” Was he… opening up? I had to take advantage of this.

“You do?” I asked quickly, not bothering to hide the excitement in my voice. He bit his lip and I swallowed hard.

“Yes.” I didn’t bother to listen.

“Because you kissed me and-”

“I said yes Lonnie!” he interrupted, sighing heavily again. I blinked in surprise. “As long as you don’t go on that date with… Josh.” He could barely spit out his name. Was he giving me an ultimatum? In some way, he kind of was.

“Why?” I challenged.

“Because I don’t want you to,” he shrugged; like it was no big deal. He started to pull away and I grabbed his hand, his eyes meeting mine.

“What do you mean?” I was confused. He didn’t… want me to?

“I mean I don’t want you to go out with him.” Thanks for clearing that up.

“But… I like him.” His face turned a little more stern.

“Are you going to go out with everyone you like just because they like you? What about that junior? Or that sophomore that’s always staring at you but you never notice? What about Joe because he said he liked you!” Why was he being this way?

I giggled. He raised his eyebrows at me, pursing his lips. I squeezed his warm hand and shook my head.

“Are you… jealous or something?” I knew it was a risk to even ask. I’d feel embarrassed if he started laughing, asking why in the world he’d be jealous. But I was surprised when he stiffened.

“I am not jealous,” he denied, but he didn’t pull his hand away from mine. The bell signaling lunch was over suddenly rang and I caught a glimpse of those same rosy red cheeks.

Was he jealous? That would explain the kiss. I suddenly broke out into a smile: did that mean he liked me? Even just remotely? I wanted to squeal again. His eyes trailed over me strangely and he scratched the back of his neck nervously.

Kids started to pile out, making their way across the street to get back to the halls for class, but Nick and I stood in our spots, acting as if we were invisible.

“You aren’t my job,” he suddenly spoke, his voice low and soft as he caught my eye. I opened my mouth to protest, but he continued. “Protecting you is my job. You aren’t. I have to protect you because that’s what I’m supposed to do; my job is being your soul mate and I get that I maybe… might have to work on that.” I snorted. He narrowed his eyes and I bit my lip, slowly taking in his words.

“Are you apologizing to me?”

“For what?” he questioned. I shook my head but understood he was joking… slightly.

“For everything.”

“If you want me to apologize for kissing you-” My heart fluttered at just the mention, but I quickly cut him off.

“No, no. That was fine.” I blushed at the realization of what I had just said, and his amused and adorable smirk made my cheeks even hotter, not to mention the heat of my glow that was now bright.

“I guess I am apologizing,” he sighed, staring into my eyes. “Y-you know I don’t mean to hurt you? When I say something, I’m just trying to get the point across.”

“But you don’t have to do that, Nick. You don’t have to get the point across. You can open up to me. It’s not like I’m going to go tell everyone; who would I tell? I trust you and, even before I knew we were soul mates, I felt like you were important to me somehow. I feel stupid-”

“Don’t say that,” he shook his head, pulling away from me.

“So… what are you going to do then?” I knew I secretly wanted him to kiss me again, but I wouldn’t say that. Maybe I should. I just didn’t know what to do with him.

“I guess I’m saying I’ll see what I can do,” he shrugged, beginning to make his way across the lot.

“Nick!” I called quickly, getting him to turn around, watching me expectantly. “You can’t just leave me here.”

“Then come on,” he smirked, and, for some reason, I smiled.

[&&light]

Maybe I still didn’t get Nick and maybe things weren’t going to change quickly, but I did have something to think about. I had many things to think about, actually. Nick didn’t want me to go out with Josh; I understood. Nick was my soul mate. Even if I did go out with Josh and ended up liking him, what could happen? I had to be with Nick, whether I wanted to or not--I think I wanted to, though.

The end of the day came quickly and I had too much homework to make up. I’d have to do it, I knew, and Nick did too, but when would we have time? We were leaving Eve’s to go somewhere else and then I’d have to start training on my own. I had to work on my strength. I had to work on keeping my thoughts sorted. I had to work on not wanting to throw up.

Anna and Josh had said their goodbyes. It seemed kind of strange since my outburst in the cafeteria, but Josh looked more bothered than Anna. Was Nick’s temper rubbing off on me? He was cutting my fuse shorter and shorter, that was for sure.

I turned down the emptying hall and spotted Nick walking casually towards the back doors, turning when my footsteps sounded. I blushed at how loud I was, but carrying books full of homework wasn’t easy with a broken arm. I needed to go home and get some clothes and personal things, if I wasn’t going to stay home anytime soon. I couldn’t get over how much I missed it, but Nick was… right, keeping me away. It’d only be a danger and a hassle if I got anyone wrapped up in this.

My thoughts were so filled that I hadn’t even noticed Nick standing in front of me, ready to grab my things, and I dropped them. Flushing with full embarrassment, I whined, bending down to pick them up with a mutter of things I wasn’t even sure I was saying. I heard Nick sigh and bend down to, his curls tickling my forehead by how close we were as he moved quickly to grab all the scattered papers. I glanced over to see he had his own share of work neatly stacked behind him. Perfectionist. But he was an incredibly adorable one.

“You’re so clumsy,” he muttered, his voice low, trying not to catch any of the staffs attention. I exhaled deeply.

“Well excuse me.” He paused, glancing up at me through a fallen curl, chuckling lightly. He got a kick out of my embarrassment, didn’t he?

“You sure are sassy. I didn’t think you would be,” he admitted, his eyes flickering from mine, down to the books, and then back to mine almost nervously.

“Yeah, well spending time with someone as hot and stubborn as you doesn’t exactly calm a girl down,” I muttered, freezing completely with wide eyes.

“Hot?” he questioned, sitting back a little. He was on his knees, just like I was, but now he was sitting up. I could feel my face just burn and the lump in my throat return with the butterflies in my stomach as he stared.

“I meant hot-headed,” I quickly retorted.

“That’s not what you said though,” he replied, trying to hold back his amused laughter.

“Oh shut up.” I was surprised when he listened to me; not without an eye roll, of course.

He leaned forward again and began to scoop up the papers quickly, not bothering to protest when I just sat there. Did he know I was staring at him? Probably so. Did I care? I didn’t think so. I bit my lip and kept my eyes on the way his curls bounced at any soft movement, the way his hands moved so swiftly, careful not to wrinkle my papers. He pulled the books to the side and stuck a few papers in each one, deciding not to go as far as putting them in the correct order, although I did see him setting the correct subject with the correct book. I almost laughed. He definitely had to have things his way and it got me thinking. There were things about him that I didn’t know. I wanted to know, though. He said he wanted to get to know me… I wanted to get to know him too.

“Hey Nick?” I whispered, my voice meek. He glanced up quickly, shutting the cover to one of the books.

“Yeah?” he muttered.

“Do you like chocolate?” I knew it was random, but I wanted to know. He looked at me strangely, biting his lip in thought.

“Yeah. I love it,” he answered, picking up a few more papers and my pencil.

“Do you like how curly your hair is?”

“Why do you always ask me about my hair?” he sighed, raising an eyebrow.

“I dunno’,” I shrugged, biting my lip. “It’s just… I love it. I wanna’ touch it sometimes.” I guess I’d risk sounding like a complete weirdo and idiot to get to know him. He furrowed his eyebrows and gave me an ‘are you serious?’ look.

“You… want to touch my hair?” he asked, confirming what I had just said.

“Uh-huh,” I smiled shyly, moving my legs underneath me so I was now sitting on my bottom, cross legged. We were in the middle of the empty school hallway, our books on the floor--along with us--just randomly talking. I couldn’t help but smile a little wider, especially when he let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head.

“I take back saying your immature, but I’m changing that to bizarre.”

I pouted, rolling my eyes. “I’m bizarre? I am not bizarre. You just don’t get how to be blunt. It’s the only thing that seems to work with you.”

“So you want me to be blunt?” he mumbled, crossing his muscular arms.

“Sure…” I trailed off nervously, not sure what else he was going to say about me. Oh great.

“It irritates me when you giggle at the most random moment because then I want to smile.” That… shocked me, and I blushed.

“That’s not blunt enough,” I cleared my throat, holding back another giggle.

“Oh it’s not?” he questioned, raising his eyebrows.

“Nope,” I giggled slightly, wondering what was really happening. Did he not want me to go out with Josh so badly that he’d laugh or smile just a little more? I couldn’t tell him but… I think it was working.

Then I got the craziest idea. If I wanted him to kiss me again… I could make him, couldn’t I? I was a witch. I could manipulate him. But… wasn’t that wrong? I stared at him for a moment, focusing my mind solely on the kiss and noticed his gaze suddenly looked confused. He was moving forward suddenly and my breath caught, my mind racing uncontrollably. I quickly stopped.

“Are you trying to manipulate me?” he breathed, his cheeks flushing. Was he angry? His eyes were hard, but he didn’t look mad.

“No,” I blurted, completely denying it. He snorted.

“You’re an even more terrible liar than I thought. And in case you’re wondering, I have self control.” Ouch.

“I wasn’t!” I tried again, knowing I shouldn't have to begin with.

“I believe you,” he muttered lowly, but there was a gleam in his eye. A gleam that I hadn’t seen, nor did I recognize.

“You… do?” I asked cautiously, getting a short nod from him.

“It’s pretty much like me not trying to do this…”

Before I could ask, he leaned forward, his hands pushing my waist away until my back hit the floor with a thud. I gasped and squealed suddenly, his fingertips brushing over my sides quickly.

“N-Nick,” I hissed, trying to control my laughter. Was he… was he actually tickling me? He was actually playing and being nice? Was he actually smiling? “Nick-k!” I squealed louder, squirming underneath him, but he was hovered above me, refusing to stop

“What were you trying to do?” he demanded, his voice full of amusement along with sternness.

“N-nothing!” I giggled, trying to turn over. I succeeded to land on my stomach, trying to get my weight off of my broken arm, but Nick continued and it was even harder to breathe.

“Why don’t you just tell me?” he breathed against my ear. I could feel him shuffle, his knees planting on either side of my waist. “It’ll be less embarrassing if you just admit that you were trying to make me kiss you again,” he whispered over my fits of giggles and attempts to crawl away. Stupid Nick and his stupid wolf muscles--or maybe they were just human muscles: either way, he was toned. As always, I blushed at my own stupid thoughts. Stupid! How idiotic was I to even try that? I should’ve known he’d figure it out.

“Nuh-uh!” I still denied, gasping for air as I continue to laugh. I didn’t expect this from Nick… not at all. But I knew that, when it was over, he’d most likely be moody again.

“Jonas! Stewart!” a voice barked, getting us to freeze. I looked up from my fallen bangs and tried to blow them away to get a look at who it was. Our gym teacher. “School ended ten minutes ago. As much as I’m glad seeing you both come to school for once, I suggest you take your personal time somewhere off the school grounds,” he ordered, narrowing his eyes.

Nick got up slowly, yanking me with him without protest and, just like that, my perfect moment was ruined. I slowly turned, not understanding how much my face could burn, but for the first time, Nick was blushing just as hard along with me. He muttered something under his breath that seemed like a sarcastic comment that I couldn’t quite make out.

“What was that Jonas?” he asked, getting Nick to raise his eyebrows.

“I didn’t say anything sir,” he shrugged, keeping his face completely straight. I almost believed him.

“Oh,” he cleared his throat. “Now get going.”

Nick nodded and I quickly bent down, grabbing a couple of books with one arm, glancing up to see Nick staring. I couldn’t see what exactly he was staring at, but I knew it was me, and he quickly looked away with what looked like a sheepish smile ready to peak through. I stood fully and pulled the front of my shirt up, blushing even more.

Nick grabbed the rest of the books and turned without a word, quickly making his way down the hall. I guess this was his cue to shut back down.

He pushed open the doors, waiting for me to follow, and I muttered a quick thanks before stepping out into the cool air. The sun was still out, but not as bright as it usually was in the afternoon. Now I wondered how I was going to walk back to Eve’s with these books and then somewhere else, although Nick had his and half of mine to worry about--he didn’t look like it bothered him.

“Can… can I stop by my house?” I whispered suddenly, our feet crunching against that familiar path. He glanced over at me, contemplating. “I need clothes and a few things,” I added quickly, gulping.

“Alright,” he sighed, turning down the right path. I missed home.

&&&

We ended up in my backyard and Nick insisted that he stay outside, so I handed him my books and quickly grabbed the key out from under the doormat. I took another glance at him before stepping in the warm house, the sound of the TV humming catching my attention. Dad was home. I suddenly felt like crying. The door clicked shut and a moment later, footsteps sounded.

“Lonnie?” his voice called. “Lonnie, is that you?”

Not a second later did he appear, full worry on his tight, nerdy features. I smiled despite my hazy eyes and nodded, sniffling.

“Oh my god. Lonnie!” he breathed, running towards me, slipping slightly. He engulfed me in a tight hug and I winced, but hugged him back the best I could with one arm. “Lonnie,” he whispered, choking back his tears.

“Dad,” I quivered, not realizing how emotional I was going to be. My dad had always been there. He was strong for both of us when my mother passed and he made sure I always had what I needed, and that I knew he loved me. He was like my best friend, but then I realized that couldn’t stay the same anymore. I had Nick and, as much as we were bumpy friends now--working on trying to get higher--I knew that he’d be my best friend now. He was my soul mate, after all, and… sooner or later, we’d have to get married. I wanted to think of it as a good thing and it would be for me, even though I wasn’t sure of anything that would happen, but I did know it was going to be hard. I was young. Nick was young too. Maybe I wasn’t making sense, but the bottom line was that I had to tell my dad about all of this. Maybe not now, but soon. Really soon.

“Don’t you ever scare me like that! Lonnie where were you? What happened to your arm? And your face? Oh god, Eve told me you were alright, but where have you been?” he rambled, pushing up his glasses. I sighed heavily and hugged him again, setting my head on his shoulder.

“I can’t tell you right now, dad. But it’s important. It’s something incredibly unbelievable, but… I can’t stay,” I breathed, pulling back to look into his saddened and crushed eyes. I bit my lip to keep from crying and pushed my hair away, only to have it fall back in my face.

“What… what…” he struggled for words, furrowing his eyebrows. I glanced around my messy house and sighed, realizing he wasn’t good on his own. But was Nick? I shut my eyes. Why did I always have to go and think about Nick? There I go again.

“I need some things… I have to stay somewhere to do something, but I promise that I’ll tell you everything as soon as I can.”

“Lonnie, are you okay? Is something wrong?” I knew he probably wanted to know if someone was after me, like a serial killer or a drug dealer, but it was so much worse.

“No,” I choked out, quickly shaking my head. “I-I mean, yes. I don’t know. Right now, I’m fine and I will be, but something is going to happen and I can’t explain how it’ll go. I just need to get some clothes and things, okay dad?”

He nodded reluctantly, at a loss for words, and decided to trust me. I had never given him a reason not to. Sighing heavily, I bounded up the stairs and entered my untouched room. It smelt muggy and, looking around, I wanted to just lie down in my bed. I could see the wolf blanket sitting there and I breathed in.

I turned to my backpack and emptied it of the useless contents, keeping my binder. I hurried to my dresser and pulled out underclothes, knowing I’d need that the most, along with a few pair of pajama bottoms and tanks. Hurrying to my closet, I smiled for a moment and picked up my favorite pair of sneakers, shoving them in along with an older pair, glancing around at all the shirts and pants and skirts I had. Without thinking, I yanked some off the hanger and balled them up, shoving them in the best way they would fit.

I shut the closet door and grabbed my brush and my perfume--I was a girl, after all--and gently set the blanket on top, taking a moment to stare at it’s beauty. Grabbing the picture of my mom, I held it close, touching my finger to the orb around my neck. Would she be proud of me? Was I being brave enough? I just hoped so. I hoped she didn’t die so I could be a failure. I felt those tears coming back.

Zipping my bag up, I lugged it over my good shoulder, almost ready to sink to the ground at how heavy it was. I decided to grab my tote bag too, so Nick didn’t have to carry all those books, and hurried out of my room without a second painful glance. My father was at the bottom of the stairs, pacing with his hands gripping his short hair, his soft eyes meeting mine.

“Can’t you tell me where you’re going?” he asked, pleading.

“I-I don’t even know yet,” I sniffled, biting my lip. He looked so confused. “I love you daddy, okay? I’ll be back really soon. I promise.”

I felt like such a child when he pulled me into his arms, his scent filling my nose as I hugged him tightly. He ran his hand up and down my back like he used to when I stated having those nightmares, and slowly pulled away. I blinked repeatedly, trying not to cry, and gave a weak smile. Neither of us said goodbye; we just stood there until I slowly walked to the door, giving him a small wave.

I shut it tight behind me, the wind whipping my hair around my face, my eyes closed as I stood on the step. I didn’t want to think about what would happen if I failed because, deep down, I really did believe in myself. I just needed to keep that mind set.

Sighing yet again, I slowly trudged down the steps, my hair bouncing with my slow strides, and I readjusted the bag, holding the tote out for Nick. He eyed it skeptically but grabbed it, swiftly shoving the books inside before grabbing the bag over my shoulder, not giving me time to protest. I started to move forward, wanting to get away, but the soft, electric hand on my shoulder stopped me, making me face his now concerned face.

“Are you alright?” he asked, his tone telling me that he actually… cared. I stared into his deep brown eyes, wishing I could say yes.

“I’m fine,” I lied, but I didn’t bother to try to sound convincing, or to hide the tears that were now streaming down my face. He looked off guard and opened his mouth to speak, but he wasn’t used to someone so emotional. He wasn’t used to me and it made me sob harder. What was wrong with me? Why was I so messed up? Why was my family out of place along with my mind? Why did nothing happen the way I wanted it to?

“Lonnie,” he whispered, his voice softer than it had ever been; even softer from the time he hugged me because I had cried over my mother. I could see him swallow uncomfortably, but he kept his eyes locked on mine and his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it. “Everything’s going to be okay; I promise.”

For some reason, Nick looked like someone who wouldn’t break a promise. For some reason, I believed him. For some reason, I cried even harder.

“Please stop,” he begged, almost frantically. I shut my eyes tight, shaking my head. “Lonnie, open your eyes. Look at me.” It reminded me of when the black magic attacked and he begged me to wake up. I opened my eyes, only to have more tears fall.

“I can only take so much Nick,” I breathed, choking on my whispered words.

“I know,” he answered, and he pulled me into a tight, warm embrace. Just what I needed. It seemed more comfortable than before; it seemed natural. I quickly hugged back, burying my face in his clothed chest. “But I’ll-I’ll be there to take it with you.”

I took his words to heart and squeezed my eyes tighter, hugging him closer. I could feel his shaking hand smooth over my hair, like he still wasn’t sure about this whole comforting thing--but he was doing an okay job.

“You know,” I breathed, pulling back after a moment of just the wind rustling the trees and my shaky breaths, “you won’t always be able to shut me up when I’m like this.”

“I’ll find a way,” he smirked, re-adjusting the bags he was carrying before stepping forward. He slipped his hand into mine hesitantly and, for the first time, I noticed how much it excited me; how much it made me feel warm and safe. Just like cuddling with him had. I definitely needed to try that again.

“Where are we going now?” I cleared my throat, trying to blink away the tears that were finishing up. He stopped and turned to face me, bringing his other hand up quickly. He wiped them away with his thumb and, almost without thinking, tucked the strand of hair behind my ear. I wanted to pretend that it felt like a loving gesture because I wasn’t sure if it was or not. I could imagine. I gulped.

“We can drop this stuff off at my place and then go back to Eve’s… it’s not safe for you there anymore,” he sighed, slowly unlocking our gaze to move forward. He was walking swiftly again, pulling me.

We began to walk out of my backyard and into the forest, taking a path that he knew. It was silent for a moment, but my thoughts kept swirling and I was giving myself a headache. The only thing keeping me calm was Nick’s hand laced with mine. Did he really mean he was going to try? I knew I’d like that. I wanted to be closer to him… I really did. I couldn’t even begin to explain it.

“Lonnie?” Nick questioned after what seemed like a long fit of silence and walking. I glanced over at him, cocking my head.

“Yeah Nick?” I breathed, getting him to glance at me momentarily, his eyes locking mine for a bit. He opened his mouth and closed it again, his lips twitching with words that he wanted to say before he finally sighed.

“You have beautiful eyes.”

I didn’t expect that. It was out of nowhere, but then it brought me back to the two times he had already mentioned my eyes, and I found myself smiling--with a blush.

I guess he was taking up the whole blunt thing while trying to be open. I just hoped it lasted.