Eyes of Light

I didn’t feel anything and, for a moment, I thought I had died. I remembered fighting--terribly, I might add--but it seemed like such a blur. My head was still pounding when I opened my eyes, the sun bright. I glanced around, confused. I could feel the grass tickling my face, the leaves and flowers spread out around me. I heard a faint sound of trickling water in the distance. The cool breeze tickled my skin, giving me a refreshed feeling; I breathed in as much as I could.

I heard rustling nearby and I slowly turned my head, wincing at the pain in my foot. I’d have to heal that really soon. I looked around, my eyes finally settling on Eve as she pranced forward, smiling. I couldn’t help but smile back. She skidded to a stop and plopped down beside me, cocking her head to observe my condition. My eyes felt droopy and my mouth was dry, but I was okay. Thank god, I was okay.

“How are you feeling Lilliani?” she asked softly, reaching her hand out to touch my face caringly. It felt just like my mother used to. I gave her another weak smile.

“I’ve definitely seen better days, but I’m doing okay,” I laughed lightly, trying to clear my dry throat. She nodded. “Where’s, umm, Coimbra?”

She stayed silent for a moment, her eyes sad, and she looked down. Her hands rested in her lap, her long hair tied back with a dainty ribbon. She wasn’t glowing anymore.

“He ran away,” she whispered. Part of me jolted with fear, but the other part held sadness. Her soul mate had ran away… I felt terrible.

“You deserve someone better than that, Eve. How could someone as kind and beautiful as you end up with him?” I asked, sighing heavily. I furrowed my eyebrows in anger and crossed my arms, getting her to laugh lightly.

“It’s alright dear,” she sighed, scratching her head. “I’m just sorry he’s caused so much trouble. I’m sorry about all of this.” I nodded, smiling understandingly. None of it was her fault. “You’re lucky you have Nicholas. He was very worried about you when you passed out like that, but I assured him that it’s normal for a witch when she first exerts her powers.”

He cared that much? He just wasn’t trying to save me and everyone else? He actually meant it. I smiled a little wider and squinted in the sunlight, sighing heavily. It was silent for a moment, the chirping of the birds somewhat peaceful, before Eve’s soft voice sounded again.

“He really cares for you, honey. You mean so much to him. He actually started crying because of the stress this has been for both of you.” My eyes widened and I took in her soft expression, her lips twitched up into a gentle smile. Nick… cried? And I missed it? I wanted to comfort him but I was too busy sleeping. Stupid. “I take it you two had some sort of a fight before you came here?”

“It’s all my fault, that’s why I messed up here. One of my friends kissed me and Nick saw… it’s a mess,” I groaned and leaned forward, touching my ankle. I noticed that there was a white cloth wrapped around it tightly, holding it correctly, taking away most of the pain. That white cloth was Nick’s shirt.

“I don’t think he’s angry anymore, just tired. He hasn’t slept a wink since everything ended. That was about eight hours ago or so.”

“He hasn’t slept? Why?” I asked quickly, my voice full of concern. I couldn’t help it when it came to Nick.

“He said he wanted to be left alone, to think. He’s been roaming around for hours. And he’s over by the river now.”

“I want to talk to him,” I decided quickly, lifting myself up with all the strength I had. It wasn’t much. Eve helped me up carefully, steadying me.

“Careful. Take your time,” she whispered, urging me forward. I smiled at her thankfully and waded through the grass, rubbing my forehead. I let out a yawn and continued forward, locking my eyes on the water up ahead. The sound was peaceful, something I needed. But Nick wasn’t around. I sighed and decided to sit down in front of the water, careful not to hit my ankle against any rocks. The grass underneath wasn’t damp, but it was slightly warm, and there were more leaves around. This was my time to think.

The breeze was warmer now, my body still. I looked around, my eyes slowly scanning over all the trees. Everything was so beautiful. The leaves were gold and bright green, some red. I could hear the water trickling in the background, the sun shimmering down, warming my skin. When I looked down, I was a light gold color, like I was actually tan, or I was part of the sun.

I heard a small rustling from the corner and I turned my head, the voice echoing through my mind.

“Happy?” it whispered, the wolf sauntering over to sit in front of me. I sighed heavily, smiling at the fact that Nick had finally come out. Even in wolf form, he looked tired. I bent down slowly, my eyes connecting with the large, golden and dark brown ones. He stared at me, the emotions so very clear; he was happy. I could… feel it, tingles shooting through my body. I lifted my hand slowly, my eyes settling on the continuous glow, like a million lights were flickering through me, and sudden excitement came along. I was okay.

I set my hand on the wolf’s head, a low whimper coming through him, making me smile as I petted it’s soft, black fur, running my fingers down to it’s back where the golden and light brown hair sat. I could hear him growl slightly and he pulled back, his body shaking. It was the same thing: it looked as if he were about to disappear. But he didn’t. He came back into view, only this time, he was sitting on his knees. My breath caught at the sight of his toned chest shimmering in the light, his tight jeans torn, but he managed to pull it off. I giggled. He smiled.

“I am happy,” I finally muttered, heaving a sigh.

He bit his full bottom lip, the cut on his forehead not nearly as bad as it had been. I sucked in a breath and watched him crawl on his knees, filling the short distance between our bodies. He swiftly pulled his legs out from underneath him, his converse even more worn than before.

“You know, when I saw you with Josh… I didn’t know what to think,” he spoke softly, his eyes connecting with mine. I could see the faint gold shimmer in them, mirroring my glow. He licked his lips and cocked his head, shaking it a little. “I didn’t know… I didn’t know how to feel, how to deal with that sort of thing.”

“There was no thing, Nick,” I insisted, stressing my voice.

“I know that and I’m sorry it took risking your life for me to tell you that.” His voice was a little sorry and he hung his head like a child in trouble.

I lifted my hand and placed it on his smooth cheek lovingly, hoping he could feel exactly how I was feeling. I stared at his beauty in awe and wondered how I got so lucky. He glanced up at the moment, staring at me through his thick lashes and fallen curls. He curled his hand over mine slowly, locking it in place on his warm skin, and he shut his eyes. I watched him inhale deeply, his face calm, like he were in deep thought.

“What’re you feeling, Nick?” I whispered, my voice barely carrying to him. He heard me though. “I mean, you know how I feel. What about you?”

He was silent for a moment, leaving his eyes closed. His curls blew in the wind and I knew he shivered slightly--he had no shirt on. When he opened his eyes, I could see how serious they were, how emotional this was for him.

“I don’t get scared easily, Lonnie,” he said in a low voice, his eyes locking with mine. His fingers curled around my hand, slowly pulling it off his face, and he placed it in his lap. He then proceeded to pull me a little closer, his thumb rubbing over my skin. It was my turn to shiver. “But there is one thing I’m frightened of.”

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and swallowed the lump in my throat, trying to see through the hair that was swirling around my face. Nick lifted his other hand and gently pushed the strand back behind my ear, leaving his palm on my cheek.

“What’s that?” I whispered eagerly, my voice croaking some. I could feel the dryness of my throat and knew I needed water, but this was more important.

“I’m scared of losing you,” he whispered. It took me a moment to realize he had actually spoke and I wasn’t just imagining it. “Whether it be because of the way I act, because you could get hurt, or because somebody else can give you something I can’t… I don’t want to lose you. Ever.” His words rang so clearly in my mind with the way he spoke them: so confident, but unsure; so shaky, but clear; so gentle, but stern. He meant it.

“You won’t have to lose me Nick.” That was something that would always be true. I would always be myself. I would always try to do my best. I would always be there for Nick, and I would always love him. My new New Year’s resolution? Rub the fact that Nick is in complete love with me in his face. I knew it was wrong, but he deserved it. And if I reminded him enough, maybe he wouldn’t ever take it back.

“I honestly thought you were going to die,” he whispered. I caught him almost choking on the last word. It made my stomach flop with butterflies. “But I promised myself that I would never let anything happen to you.”

“You did your job,” I smiled suddenly. He looked slightly confused. “You said your job was to protect me, and you did… the whole time I was messing up.”

He smiled this time, letting out a sigh. I watched him turn his head, his now squinted eyes scanning the distance. The river made little ripples as he kicked some rocks off the edge, his hands still in mine.

“You know… Eve told me you were worried…” I trailed off, biting my lip. The silence continued, only the rustling of leaves interrupting my thoughts. It was as if he were frozen now, contemplating whether or not he should close back up and live in that shell with all those walls I had tried so hard to break down. But he answered. I was relieved.

“I was worried about you,” he admitted almost sheepishly. “and how you’d be.”

“I’m fine,” I reassured him, scratching my head.

There was another moment of silence, this one peaceful. I stared at the side of his face. He was beautiful. I could feel my lips twitch up into a smile and he glanced down at me, his own lips tugging up. He unraveled his hand from mine and slipped his arm around my waist, pulling me into his side. I could feel the warmth shoot though me, the happiness taking me over. His hand rubbed my back soothingly, making me pull him as close as I could and wrap my arms tightly around his torso. My head rested on his bare shoulder, my fingertips brushing over his smooth side. His head rested on mine.

I thought for a moment, realizing how much I had to go through just to get here, to get happiness. I had to adapt to a whole new world and put up with a crabby Nick. I had to meet new people and deal with their betrayal. I had to train and get hurt over and over, but I still managed to smile and laugh because Nick brought that happiness. I had to go through arguments and anger. I had to go through heartache and drastic situations, but I always managed to close my eyes and breathe, knowing that, without all of this, I wouldn’t have Nick. And without Nick, I wouldn’t be anything.

“I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that all of this would happen,” he muttered, his breath close to my ear. “Or go into the future just to catch a glimpse of how I’m dealing with everything later.”

“You have to learn to live in today, Nick; in the moment. And right now, the moment’s calling,” I breathed, pulling back some to catch his attention. He looked down at me, nothing but warmth radiating off of him.

“And what’s the moment saying?” he questioned, quirking his eyebrow. I felt my cheeks heat up and I smiled sheepishly, keeping my eyes locked on his.

“The moment’s saying that you better kiss me right now before I go insane.”

He wanted to laugh, I could see the amusement in his eyes, but he smirked instead. “I think the moment’s a little late, you’re already insane,” he joked, chuckling when I narrowed my eyes.

“Nicholas Jonas, why are you so mean? And why do I love it so much?” I whined, pulling my hand back to smack his muscular chest playfully. His face became a little more serious, that shadow of amusement still there.

“Lilliani Stewart, why are you so breathtaking? And why do I love you so much?”

I melted. My eyes stared into his wide ones, the smile there, deep down. I had never expected Nick to say that, but there was a first for everything. Maybe things really were changing. Maybe we really would be okay.

He grinned brightly suddenly, his hands connecting to the back of my head, and he pulled me forward. His lips smashed against mine, my eyes closing immediately. He kissed me warmly and gently, his fingers tightening in my hair; it felt… good. Maybe that’s why it affected him so much when I tugged on his hair. I would never know.

I slipped my hands into his curls at just the thought, twisting the soft ringlets around my fingers. I felt my face flush when he let out a grunt, his body pushing closer to mine. His lips moved slowly and I found myself being pushed down into the soft, tall grass, the pretty flowers and leaves being smashed by us. I didn’t care. All I cared about was the feeling running through me, the feeling coursing through every inch of my body as he touched me, kissed me. For once in my life, I was in complete bliss, and I never wanted it to go away.

I remembered being little, my mother always buying me little puzzles to do. I loved the way they all fit together, no matter what. You couldn’t mix two wrong parts. Every single piece had it’s other half. That was like me now; Nick and I. No matter how many times Josh tried to get in the way, it would never work because he wasn’t made for me like Nick was. I smiled at the thought, his lips moving so gently against mine bringing me back. I could hear his hands rustling above my shoulders, his body molding against mine for the first time: just like two puzzle pieces.

He pulled up after a moment, the smile on my face never disappearing, and I kept my eyes closed. I took a moment to breathe in, to take in his sweet scent that was carrying through the breeze, mixing with the smell of the wildflowers. This was perfect. And when I opened my eyes, Nick’s angelic face proved it.

“Can I ask you something?” I whispered, clearing my throat. He stayed hovering above me, his eyes holding mine. He smiled and laughed lightly, nodding slowly. “Why were you really so upset over the whole Josh thing? I mean, I get that the way it looked wasn’t good, and I’d feel the same, but you didn’t even want to listen to me…” I trailed off, biting my lip.

Nick sat up and I hoped I didn’t push the wrong button, but, to my surprise, he pulled me with him. He laced his fingers with mine again and stared out onto the river, his breathing even. I wanted to know what he was thinking, what he was going to say. I held my breath.

“I’ve never really had anything I wanted, and when I did, it was always taken away. There were times that I found myself wishing to be human like my brothers, so I didn’t have to worry about all the responsibility that sat on my shoulders. There were times that I wished I could be selfish and run away so I didn’t have to act like a big brother to three instead of just the one little brother I had. There were times that I wanted to ask my mom why she let dad go look for you… but I knew that it couldn’t stop any of it.

“I remember being young and it was my birthday, right after I finished my wolf phase. I was gaining control of being a human and a wolf now, but I was still so small. Everyone had forgotten it was my birthday because my dad was out again, gaining a lead to where you could be. I didn’t get a cake or a present, or a card. I didn’t even get a happy birthday from my brothers, or a hug from my mom. She was so worried, she was making herself sick. And I hadn’t been around much because they didn’t want me hurting anyone. But when I came back, the first thing that was said to me was: “why aren’t you telling the people where the great wolf is?” How was I supposed to know? I wasn’t ready to speak in front of anyone, I hadn’t been around people for a while. And that day was wasted on trying to gain every aspect of knowledge there was about what was coming to me.

“When my dad came home that night though, he had a present for me. He told me he hadn’t forgotten and that he hoped I enjoyed it. He got me a guitar. There was no one to teach me how to play it, or even listen when I did, but I loved it. And I learned. Every time I thought about my dad and what had happened to him, I’d take out that guitar and just look at it, and hope that he still loved me even though I had done nothing to save him.”

I felt tears weld up in my eyes as he spoke, my breath finally falling out of my lips. I stared at his thoughtful face, his features somewhat hard. “What happened to it?”

“I was outside and some of the boys were picking on me because they were older. They were just humans, their sisters being witches, so they knew about everything. One said something about my family, so I phased and I bit him,” he shrugged. I couldn’t help but giggle, relieved when he smiled too. “But then he took my guitar and he broke it.” I could see the anger and pain swirling around in his eyes, his hand tightening around mine. “He claimed it was an accident, so I accidentally broke his arm. He never touched anything that belonged to me again.”

For some odd and twisted reason, I found that undeniably attractive. My face flushed and I chewed on my lip, nodding silently beside him.

“People either walked all over me, or worshiped the ground I walked on because they knew I’d be one of their leaders. That’s why I chose to leave and look for you myself. Nobody could take the rest of my childhood away if I did myself. No one could tell me what to do. No one could remind me of what I was.

“That’s why I don’t like it when you’re with Josh. He’s normal, something I’ll never fully be. He wouldn’t have gotten you caught up in this world and had your life almost be taken away. He’d probably watch movies with you and take you places.”

“But you can too,” I breathed, poking his side. He jumped a little; I smiled. “You are normal, Nick. So what if you can phase into a wolf. That’s amazing! Nobody knows, though. If you go out to the movies or to the park, no one is going to stare at you and call you a freak. The only reason people stare at you is because you’re so good looking. You can be the great wolf and Nick, the normal teenager.” I set my hand on his shoulder and moved the other to his face, forcing him to look at me. “And we can be a normal couple. In fact, it’ll be even easier because we know there’s no one else out there for either of us. There’s no doubt that we love each other.”

“You think we can?” he muttered, raising his eyebrows. I nodded quickly, smiling.

“I mean, sure, we won’t be completely normal--what with all the things we’ll have to deal with now that we’re the great wolf and the great witch, but we can be normal when we’re together. We can watch movies together or go out and eat. We can laugh and have fun just as easily as anyone else, you just have to want to. We’re still teenagers: let’s act like it.”

“I’ll give it a shot,” he smiled lightly, pushing his curls back. I was excited. But now I knew what I wanted to do.

“Can… I change your dad now?” I breathed out, swallowing the lump in my throat. I was nervous again. What if I messed up and hurt him? What if I couldn’t do it and disappointed Nick?

“Are you sure you’re ready? You still look tired…”

“You’re the one who hasn’t slept,” I pointed out, crossing my arms. He sighed. “Besides, I think you deserve it after all you’ve done for me.”

“Okay,” he whispered, lifting his body easily. He wiped the dirt off his tattered jeans and helped me up, careful not to hit my wrapped ankle. His hand slipped into mine and he led me away from the calming water and out of the bright sun, into the shade of the many trees close by.

I could hear a faint rustling in the distance, a few low howls echoing through my ears. Nick’s hand tightened around mine as he picked up the pace, still allowing me slack so I wouldn’t trip and fall on my face. I didn’t need to embarrass myself now. I glanced around, taking in everything that seemed so familiar now. It was like I lived in the forest. And then my eyes settled on the large, tired looking wolf, stirring on the ground. He was restless and my heart jolted, the pain on Nick’s face only urging me more.

“Dad?” Nick whispered, clearing his throat. The great wolf snapped his head up, his big round eyes locking on me, trailing over to his son slowly. They softened. “Dad… Lonnie’s ready.”

He seemed to understand as he cocked his head, howling once more. It didn’t make me sleepy or calm like when Nick did it, but it didn’t hurt either. I smiled softly and began to fidget, licking my dry lips as he sauntered over slowly, his head bouncing with his tired movements. He was getting weaker and weaker as time went on.

I inhaled deeply, my eyes settling on him as he sat in front of me, his ears down and his eyes droopy. Cracking my knuckles, I told myself to calm down and that I wouldn’t mess this up. Nick obviously felt my nervousness, his body moving from beside me. He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind me, his head gently lying on my shoulder, his hot breath caressing my neck slowly. I shivered.

“You don’t have to do this, Lonnie,” he murmured, but I knew I did.

“You want your dad back… and I want to meet him,” I whispered, balling my hands into fists repeatedly; I found it helping to clear my head.

“He wants to meet you too, but you can try another time. I don’t want you to strain yourself.” I could tell he was tired by the way he mumbled his words, and by the way he was leaning on me a little more. I bet he could fall asleep like that, probably because of the way I was calming him. He needed it.

“Don’t worry about it, really,” I answered strongly, standing up a little straighter. He stayed in his position and I found it easier for my glow to spark and my mind to focus. Everything was easier with Nick around. Breathing deeply, I shut my eyes and lifted my hands, already feeling the glow ripple through me--like it was ready to jump out.

I focused solely on Nick’s dad and the fact that, by changing him, I’d be making so many people happy. It felt good knowing I had that kind of power. I could feel an added weight jump into me and I squeaked, Nick’s arms tightening around me for support. I knew he wanted to say something, but he refrained from doing so, not knowing how strong my focus was at the moment. Not that strong, I could feel it, but I was determined to do my best. I shut my eyes tighter and let out a shaky breath, feeling my body shake a little. I felt like I wanted to cry for some reason, like it was all too much for me, and then I felt myself go down.

“Lonnie,” Nick breathed instantly, not letting me fall. He pulled me into his chest, spinning me around to face him with serious eyes. “You’re done. Just stop-”

“No,” I groaned, grabbing my head. I felt light headed and my breathing was now uneven.

“You’re going to make yourself sick,” he said sternly. I shook my head and pushed away, tumbling over, but he caught me again. “I mean it.”

“I-I can do this. Just… give me a minute,” I muttered, trying to steady my shaky hands. He wanted to protest, but taking one more look at the wolf in front of us, he decided to give me another try. I inhaled deeply.

“I can do this,” I muttered again, biting my lip. I shook my hands to my sides, concentrating back on the task at hand. Something in me suddenly sparked and I remembered the way Nick cried; that memory of him being so fragile seemed to help a lot, to give me motivation.

I stood up straighter and moved forward hesitantly, closing the distance between me and Nick’s dad--the great wolf. He looked a little intimidating, my I smiled weakly and bent down. Touching my hand to his head, his eyes closed out of reflex and he lowered himself even more. I could do this.

I felt something in me start to rumble and my fingers burned like I had stuck them in fire, but I stuck it out. My head spun, but I blocked it out and continued to focus. The cool breeze hit my face and I sucked in as much air as I could, a few seconds leading to a few moments: I was definitely getting a headache. But then I heard a sound. I heard him whimper in front of me, the sound continuous, and I wondered if I was hurting him. Before I even thought about stopping, the whimper got deeper and deeper, and then it became a groan. The fur underneath my hands felt as if it were disappearing slowly, the ground almost shaking underneath me. My eyes snapped open and I refrained from gasping as I realized a ghostly figure was now underneath my hands, like Nick when he was phasing I was… doing it.

I suddenly felt another surge and I gasped, pulling my hand away. Part of my glow stayed on the disappearing figure though, and in an instant, thousands of peach colored sparkles erupted. They outshined the sunlight. I breathed in deeply and my glow snapped back to me, my skin looking brighter as Nick stepped forward eagerly, his arm brushing mine. His eyes were focused on the figure emerging in front of us. And then my eyes settled… on a man. He stood, somewhat short and not too thin, but he looked strong and the sudden smile on his face brought me to tears. I glanced over at Nick, feeling a few slip out once I realized his rosy cheeks were covered in tear streaks.

“Nicholas,” a calm, clear voice sounded from in front of us. Nick’s eyes widened and his lips parted shakily. He couldn’t believe it and neither could.

“Dad,” he choked out, his word more of a statement than a question. I sniffled and stepped away slowly, watching his father take a cautious step forward.

Everything was silent for a moment, giving them both time to process everything. I heard a light chuckle, the sound belonging to Mr. Jonas.

“You look so clear now, through human eyes,” he admitted, clasping his hands together nervously. “You look so grown and strong; you look like a true gentleman, son.”

Mr. Jonas looked tired and weak, but his eyes didn’t fail to light up as he stared at his son. And Nick took a moment to breathe. He sniffled and wiped away his tears hastily, no doubt scolding himself for crying. I think it only made the situation better: he was finally giving in to everything.

But Nick didn’t speak. Instead, he strode forward quickly with his head down and stepped into his father’s open embrace, wrapping his strong arms around his body tightly.

“I missed you,” Nick mumbled almost inaudibly, but I saw Mr. Jonas smile.

“I missed you too.”

It was that instant that I knew I wouldn’t want to be normal. I wouldn’t’ want to go on in life without this, without my powers or the knowledge of such a world. I wouldn’t want to trade my nightmares for happy dreams that wouldn’t exist. I wouldn’t want to go to school everyday knowing that I wouldn’t be able to find that village. I wouldn’t want to run through the forest with Nick’s hand in mine.

[&&light]

I took a deep breath and squeezed Nick’s hand, licking my dry lips nervously. My hair was messy and my legs had dirt stains, along with my torn dress, but my ankle was better--thank you magic. Nick stared at the side door of my house, contemplating whether or not he should go in with me. A million feeling bounced around inside me, including butterflies from Nick’s touch, but that was beside the point.

“Do you want me to come with you?” he asked, his eyes meeting mine slowly.

I was nervous to see my dad again, and I felt like I was going to cry. I was such a big baby. I turned my head to stare at the door, the faint sound of the TV reaching my ears. I knew he’d be angry with me for just leaving like I did without ever fully telling him what was going on, but I missed him and I honestly didn’t care. I inhaled deeply and turned back to face Nick, his expression soft.

“I want him to know… to know everything; about my mom, about this life, about you and me…” I trailed off, watching him with eagerness. “I want him to know that I love you.”

I felt myself smile suddenly after I said those words, Nick’s beautiful face making me want to just jump up and down and scream with excitement. He was smiling, not just a regular smile, but a toothy grin that made my heart flutter and my knees weak. His messy curls were blowing in the gentle breeze and the setting sun made his skin look flawless, like he was a statue. He still had no shirt on and his pants were still ripped, but that was just another thing we’d have to explain to my dad. But what I saw next shot me into a world of bliss.

“I love you too,” he whispered softly, his hand squeezing mine. And I saw those eyes of light: he meant it.

This new world… it was my world. This was the world I wanted to be apart of; one where I could have my normal dad and normal friends, but still be apart of something so amazing and unheard of. I wanted to use my magic for good, to make my mother proud. I wanted to show Nick that he meant everything to me and I would never give up as long as he was there. This was us and whatever future lied ahead… we’d always get through it. Together.