You Just Love to Hate Me

I was panting as I turned to face the door with an innocent expression, trying to act as normal as possible given the circumstance. My checks were flushed and hot; our little make-out session had more than shaken me up a bit. Craig was seated on the bed, looking as equally as flustered. He was the first one to speak.

“Oh shit dude. Don't scare us like that!”

“Ha ha, you guys should've seen your expressions! You've Been Framed gold!” Robert slapped his thigh as he creased up in laughter. He sobered up for a second and managed to choke out, “Who'd you think it was?”

“Max...” I mumbled, feeling a bit embarrassed. “It's okay” I tried to reassure myself, “He won't kill you cos he won't find out.” But I was still blushing due to the fact that I'd just been caught red-handed canoodling with our front man.

“Oh, Maxy boy will be jealous! Just wait till I te-”

“No. Robert, you can't tell him. Swear to me that you won't?”

“Okay, okay, I swear. Jeeze, relax dude.” He stared at Crag's face, looking for a sign that he was joking. He wasn't. “Heh, I knew it....I could see it coming...” Robert muttered to himself as he shouldered past us. He patted my back as he went past and advised me to “always use protection.”

“But we weren't going to do anything!” I protested weakly. It was the truth...for the moment.

“Sure...” He raised an eyebrow as he indicated the painful lump in my jeans. “Bet you want to though. And so does he.” I blushed again as I noticed that Craig also had a boner.By the looks of things, he was big...

“Do it somewhere more private next time though! I don't wanna see that every time I walk in!” Robert called as he disappeared into the back of the bus.

“Like where? This place is tiny!” Craig shot back before turning to me. “So...err...” He shifted his gaze awkwardly so that he was staring at the floor and smiled slightly. I was trying not to stare at his lips as he spoke.

“Well...” I was feeling just as awkward. I didn't know what to say. What am I supposed to do, after we'd been caught out? Finish off where we started?

“Oi, bitches. I'm home!” Max screeched, walking onto the bus. My heart dropped about fifteen feet in my chest as I realized that I wasn't going to get any more alone time with Craig.

“I'm gonna take a shower. A cold shower.” He mumbled to me before shuffling off towards the bathroom.

Great. Max just had to come and ruin my chances, didn't he? Does that guy have spider-senses or something?

_______________________________________________________________________

Things hadn't improved by the time I was well-enough for band practice. Craig and I had been practically tip-toeing past each other in the days that followed “that incident”,only exchanging words when something was required.

As for the whole him-nursing-me business...well, that kinda blew up in my face. Craig left me to rejoin the band for rehearsal, saying that his “vocal chords needed exercising”. But I knew the real reason behind his abrupt departure.

And that reason was me.

“Monte, Monte!” Someone was snapping their fingers in my face, causing me to break out of my little dream world. “Yes? Sorry, I was miles away...”

“That's okay.” Our tour manager laughed. “Right guys, I want you to take it from the top of “Something”.”

I focused solely on the strings of my guitar, playing my heart out. I poured my very soul into the guitar, raw energy. Every emotion I was feeling at that moment, my feelings towards Craig. Every single one, even the resentfulness I felt towards him for ignoring me lately. The lust, the love, the adoration...even envy.

I could feel someone's eyes on my back. It was starting to annoy me, as I couldn't see who was watching me so intently. I twisted my head and ended up staring straight at Craig. He was singing soulfully into the mic, his eyes drifting closed.

“So can you forgive me? I've treated you badly.”

Is he trying to tell me something? Forgive him? For what happened the other day? There's nothing to be forgiven...I loved every minute of it...Hmm. I am beyond confused. In fact, “confused” doesn't even begin to cover it.

But I am still here
Sometimes I wonder
Why I'm still waiting
Sometimes I'm shaking
Thats how you make me.
Sometimes I question
why I'm still here
Sometimes I think I'm going crazy

This is all too peculiar. These are all lines of the song, but I feel as if they are somehow directed at me. I don't know why, but they just seem to relate.

“Can you help me out next time?”Of course, I'd do anything for you Craig...

We hit the chorus, I'm still playing as energetically as ever, and so are the rest of the band. You might think that we only put effort in to our shows, but no, putting energy into our practices matters too. Nothing good ever comes easily. It comes at a price.

“You know I would wait forever
Yes I would wait”

Craig was looking at me again, staring into my eyes and I felt a chill go down my spine. Those soul-piercing eyes...I felt as if he could read my thoughts. And I don't want that. I'm scared, of the consequences of him finding out how I truly felt about him. He'd treat it as a joke.

Like the other day. That was only for fun....wasn't it? Was he drunk? Who in their right mind would want to make out with me?!

At the end, I feel a hand gripping my elbow gently.

“Monte.” They said. “We need to talk.”