I See You Lying Next To Me

Eliza looked good and she knew it, she’d made such an effort. The black dress was just perfect on her and she felt great. This was the chance she wanted to show the world how she could be with Gerard. She’d overhead the guys talking yesterday and had found out that it was going to be a huge event. Billie and Adrienne had been married for so many years they wanted to celebrate with their family and friends. It was to be held in this exclusive hotel and there were to be loads of photographers and press there, some magazine was going to have an exclusive on it. This was her chance to get a picture of herself with Gerard then everyone could see how serious she could be about him.

**

Gerard didn’t want to take Eliza and he wished he’d never asked her. He didn’t have a clue what to wear but he’d decided to wear the jacket that Kitty had bought him just before they’d split. She’d got it for his birthday and he’d worn it to death. He didn’t care how smart this event was, that was what he was going to wear.

**

The flight was delayed by three hours and Kitty knew that she’d miss the start of the party. She was staying at the same hotel as the party was being held in so that was one good bonus, she could check into her room, have a quick shower and get ready. She hoped the dress she had bought was appropriate.

It would have to be.

It was times like this she hated being alone, she hated going to things on her own because for years and years she was part of a couple and she missed the companionship that brought with it, just having someone to share things with, to talk things over, anything. Well, she could tell Gerard anything, nothing was taboo; she couldn’t keep anything from him.

She glanced out of the plane window and hurriedly brushed a tear aside. She had to pull herself together but what the fuck had happened to them? She was carrying Gerard’s baby, something she’d always wanted to do eventually. They’d never wanted to get married but at 16 who did? Now, now at 29 years of age it was something that she wanted to do but the person she wanted to do it with didn’t want to know.

How would he feel about becoming a father? May be he was in another relationship by now, he must be, he was so full of loving, someone must be benefiting from it, he was good looking and she was sure at this moment in time with his new album out he could do and have almost anybody he wanted.

I hope my news doesn’t spoil his new lifestyle.

**

Lucky for her, her holdall had wheels. The hotel was extremely busy by the time she arrived. The taxi had dropped her off at the back door because the front entrance was surrounded by paparazzi and other guests arriving for the anniversary party.

She could hear music from the party as she entered the hotel, wondering who would be there. Her stomach turned wondering who she would talk to, she hoped the guys would be here, especially Jamia and Alicia, she couldn’t wait to see them again and catch up with them. It had been so long, she’d left it too long.

All the porters were busy helping the rich and famous and she, a nobody was left to her own devices and had to pull her holdall along and over to the elevator herself.

She tapped the up button and waited. She felt grubby and crumpled and couldn’t wait to get cleaned up, she was sure she’d feel much better then.

She entered the elevator and her phone went off. It was Adrienne calling to see how she was.

“Hi Adrienne, yes I’m here now, I’m just going to get myself ready, may be another hour? OK, see you then,” she said then clicked it shut.

Just as the elevator doors closed someone managed to squeeze themselves in and she looked up.

“Ray!” she said looking at this lovely guy with his mass of dark curls and huge smile.

“Hey, Kitty, I didn’t know you were coming?” said Ray, “come here and give me a hug,” he said pulling her into a cuddle. She held onto him, glad of the familiarity of his hug.

They pulled apart.

“Its so good to see you,” said Kitty, “are you staying here too?” she asked.

“Yeah, top floor.” Said Ray “You’re blonde again, and actually I much prefer it,” he said looking at Kitty and it was like looking at her from a few years back. She’d hardly changed but then she must have. She was with someone else now. Glancing at her ring finger as she brushed her hair behind her ears he noticed she wasn’t wearing an engagement ring and thought how strange.

“Yes, I think I prefer being blonde.” She said after putting her hair behind her ears.

“Everyone will be pleased to see you Kitty,” said Ray.

“And I’m looking forward to seeing them.” She said as the doors opened on the top floor and they both got out.

**

“Adrienne looks gorgeous,” said Mikey. They were all standing around in a group, Mikey and Alicia, Frank and Jamia, and Gerard and Eliza though she was pissing him off already. He could do with getting away from her. She’d already persuaded him to have a photograph taken and reluctantly he did and what possessed him to put his arm around her and smile at the camera, he’d never know.

“Yeah, she’s so good for her age,” said Gerard, “look at the way Billie looks at her. He adores her,” he said. Did I used to look at Kitty like that?

“What’s that she’s got there?” said Alicia, stretching her neck and watching as Adrienne wheeled something onto a stage area that had been made up. It was a huge square object with a sheet over it.

“Looks like a picture or something,” said Frank. “May be it’s a picture of Billie, naked or something,” he said then laughed.

“May be it’s a present for one of them from someone,” said Alicia. “Come on, lets get closer, looks like she’s going to say something.”

The guys all crept closer to the stage area and watched as Adrienne took the microphone.

“Hi everyone, I’d like to thank you all for coming to celebrate our anniversary with us and thank you to those who witnessed us renewing our vows earlier, it was a very special moment. We’ve been through so much together,” she said as she took Billie’s hand, “and I wanted to buy something special for Billie but what do you buy a guy that’s got practically everything?” She said looking at him. He just shrugged, then smiled and looked across at his beautiful wife.

“Well I found this wonderful girl a few months back, this artist from New York. She has her own gallery and the instant I saw a painting of hers in the window I knew that I wanted her to paint something for me. For me to give to Billie.”

Gerard’s mind was working overtime, so was Mikeys and Franks. A woman artist from New York, it couldn’t be, could it? Could it be Kitty? Of course it’s not Kitty thought Gerard, why does everything come back to her? She doesn’t want you. Accept it.

“And, this is it,” said Adrienne as she grabbed a hold of the corner of the sheeting and tugged on it and there, in full view was this beautiful painting, an oriental picture and then Gerard knew.

It was painted Kitty and it was amazing. Of course.

His stomach leapt and he gasped. He was sure he gasped out loud because he felt Eliza look at him beside him. Mikey turned to him and so did Frank.

They knew it was hers too.

“Excuse me a moment,” said Gerard. “I need to get a cigarette, won’t be long.”
He had to walk away, his friends understood, of course they did. Frank had winked at him and Mikey just nodded.

He wanted to get away; it was suddenly all becoming to much for him.

Was she always going to be there, just to remind him of what he’d lost?

Lost to some other fucker.

**

Ray and Kitty walked down the corridor to get to their rooms.

“So, you’ve finished your first round of touring?” said Kitty stopping at her door and getting the key that the receptionist had given her out of her pocket.

”Yeah, but we’re heading back over to New York in two days, I’d love to call in to your gallery and take a look at some of your stuff,” he said.

”Of course you must,” said Kitty, “I’d like that, I’ve painted quite a few since…over the past few years.” She said trying the key in the lock but it didn’t seem to be working. Ray noticed her get anxious about the key not fitting.

“Here, let me try,” said Ray but he couldn’t do it either and to his astonishment, Kitty burst out into tears.

”Hey,” he said putting his arm around her. “Kitty its only a key, you can come to my room and we can call down to the reception, come on,” he said ushering her away. What was wrong with her?

”I’m sorry Ray, I don’t know what came over me, I know it’s only a key but…I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately.” She said as she followed Ray down the corridor.

They entered his room and Ray went over to the telephone to dial up the reception while Kitty sat on the bed feeling like shit.

“There’s no reply. Listen, why don’t you get ready here, I’ll go down and sort out this key business and…lets say I give you another half an hour, that OK? I’ll come back and then we can get you into your room.”

“That’s fine,” said Kitty, “but…but don’t tell anyone I’m here I…want it to be a surprise. I’m dying to surprise Alicia and Jamia.” She said.

”Of course I won’t say anything. Be back later, OK?” said Ray coming over to her and smiling.

Kitty just nodded then went over to her suitcase to get out her dress.

It was a red one, a red one very similar to the one she always used to wear to parties.

She loved wearing red.

**

Outside Gerard was on his second cigarette. Seeing the painting had shocked him, he hadn’t expected it.

Was this how it was going to be?

Kitty haunting him.

He was fucked off that Liz had gone with Bob too but only for selfish reasons, he was trying to catch her alone to talk to her about Kitty to see how she was and how all this engagement had come about but he never got a chance to see her.

Fucking Eliza was always around. He had no feelings for her whatsoever and he wasn’t sure how he was going to cope when she was going to be the mother of his child.

He couldn’t bear thinking about it.

**

The door to the hotel room opened ajar and Kitty heard Ray’s voice.

“You decent?” he said.

“Yes, you can come in, I’m just brushing my hair. I’m ready,” said Kitty going to her bag and putting her hairbrush away. “Did you manage to get my key?” she said but Ray didn’t answer her she just looked up. He was staring.

“You OK? Did you get my key Ray?” she said to him.

“Um…yeah, yeah, its here,” said Ray handing her the key. She looked beautiful but then she always had. He’d always liked her but he’d always known he’d never stood a chance because of Gerard but over the years his feelings for her had changed. She’d become such a good friend he didn’t see her in that way but now, looking at her standing there in that gorgeous red dress, her hair shining and her make up perfect just took him back to that moment when he first knew her, just reminding him how Kitty had an affect on people.

What would Gerard think? Thought Ray. It was going to kill him.

“They’ve unveiled your painting, Kitty its fantastic,” said Ray as they left the room and he locked up.

”Thanks. A lot of effort went into it,” said Kitty as they headed off down the corridor. “Does everyone know I painted it?” she said turning to him.

“Yeah they seem to,” he said. “But they still don’t know that you are here.”

Waiting for the elevator to come up to the top floor, Kitty spoke.

“Is…is Gerard there too?” said Kitty.

”Yes, yes he is,” said Ray.

“How is he?” said Kitty as the elevator doors opened and they stepped in.

“How do you think he is Kitty?” said Ray as they stoked in the elevator, the doors closing behind them.

“What do you mean?” said Kitty, frowning.

”That letter you sent to him. How do you think he’s going to feel knowing that he had hopes of getting back with you and that…that all along you’re engaged to someone else and that its over.” Said Ray.

Kitty felt sick.

“But…that’s not what I wrote. I was engaged, for all the wrong reasons but the guy was involved in an accident and I asked…I asked Gerard to wait for me until I’d settled Dan, made sure he was OK. I asked Gerard to call me if he wanted to make a go of it and if…if he didn’t then I would understand if he didn’t contact me. He didn’t contact me Ray. I thought he would have understood, I really thought he would have waited. I was sure he wanted to be with me as much as…I wanted him.”

“That’s not the impression he got. I mean a small, one page letter to end it Kitty, that was harsh,” said Ray wondering why the fuck he was having this conversation in an elevator.

It felt wrong. Wrong time and wrong place.

“But…the letter was two pages long. What do you mean a one-page letter to end it all? I didn’t want it to end; I was ending it with Dan…my fiancée. I wanted to end it with Dan to get back with Gerard, that’s what I wrote. What do you mean Ray?”

Then Kitty got angry and shook her head. “He’s lied to you, he’s made this all out to be my fault when he’s the one that doesn’t want to be with me. He obviously wanted to make himself out to be the good guy and to make me look bad. He’s probably got someone else that you don’t know about and will be introducing her into the fold before you know it.”

The elevator stopped and opened into the huge foyer where loads of people were milling around.

”I don’t want to get out now, I’ll see you later Ray, I’m going back upstairs, I’m so angry about this. How could he?”

Ray just pressed the up button again and they went back up to the top floor. They both got out.

“Kitty, there is someone else. Well not like that.”

“Not like what? What are you telling me?”

“Its Eliza. She’s having Gerard’s baby.” Said Ray but he couldn’t look at Kitty when he spoke. What the fuck was going on here? Why was he having to tell Kitty? May be he shouldn’t have.

But Kitty couldn’t speak; she just headed off to her room.

“Kitty, please…please come and talk to Gerard, I think you two need to talk about this, get it out in the open once and for all. Something is wrong here, he definitely only got part of your letter. Talk to him,” shouted Ray but Kitty had already gone into her hotel room.

Shit.

**

“Hey Gerard, you OK?” said Adrienne. She had come out to get some air.

“I’m…good, yeah thanks Adrienne. Thanks for inviting us.” He said as he lit another cigarette. He wasn’t good, not good at all but he didn’t want to go into it now with Adrienne, not on her special night.

“Of course we wanted you guys to come. Billie loves you all and I do too. Hey, did you see my gift to him?”

“I did, it’s a beautiful painting. Tell me Adrienne, the girl that painted it for you, her name’s Kitty isn’t it?” he said.

“Yes, Kitty. She’s so talented; she’s become a good friend of mine. She’s such a lovely person.”

“Yeah, she is.” Said Gerard.

“Oh, so you know her well?” said Adrienne.

“I knew her well,” said Gerard. “Some time ago. We were together for about ten years.” He said. “Listen, I’m going to go and see Mikey about something, I’ll see you later, yeah?” he said.

“Of course, Billie will want to talk to you at some point, I’m sure.” Said Adrienne watching the young handsome guy head off into the party.

Now she knew who Kitty’s guy was.

It was Gerard.

**

Adrienne headed back into the party and her phone went off, a text message.

Kitty.

“Adrienne, I’m in the hotel but feeling slightly unwell. I may come down in a little while; it’s probably all the travelling. If I decide not to come, I’ll text you again. Kitty.”

**

“You OK Ray?” said Alicia noticing the look on Ray’s face as he came back over to their table.

“Not really,” said Ray taking a seat. He looked worried about something.

”What is it?” said Jamia.

“Its Kitty,” said Ray.

”Our Kitty?” said Jamia.

“Yes, she’s here, upstairs but she won’t come down.”

“But why, her painting is beautiful, what’s wrong with her? Is it to do with Gerard?” said Alicia.

”Yes, but I think there’s more to it. She was telling me about the letter she sent to Gerard and it sounds like he didn’t get some of the letter, apparently she wanted to get back with Gerard, for him to wait while she helped out her fiancée, a fiancée she’s never loved. She gave Gerard an ultimatum. She said if I don’t hear from you then I’ll realise that you don’t want me after all so of course she never heard from him again and…thinks that he doesn’t want her.”

“Oh my god,” said Jamia. “Poor Kitty but…why would Gerard lie to us about the letter? I don’t get it.” she said frowning.

“I don’t know,” said Ray who sighed. “I think you two should go and see her, she won’t come down now and was so looking forward to seeing you two again.”

“Lets go talk to her,” said Alicia. “I’m dying to see her again too.”

**

They were all sitting on the bed talking to Kitty and couldn’t believe what she had told them about the letter.

Kitty was angry that Gerard had lied to them but they were confused because they’d told her that Gerard was genuinely upset by the letter she’d sent to him.

Suddenly Kitty stood up, her head was exploding from all that she had learnt about Gerard. He’d been with Eliza, slept with her and she was having his baby. How long had that been going on? She’d been a fool and an idiot to think that they could have their own life back, they’d moved on, him especially and with Eliza. Of all the people, why the hell did it have to be her? Then he’d lied, lied about her letter.

She was beginning to hate him.

“Look, I haven’t flown all the way over from New York to sit on a hotel bed discussing a letter of mine that Gerard has lied about, I’m going to see Adrienne and meet Billie. I’ve cried enough tears over Gerard. I’ll see you guys downstairs.” Said Kitty then left the room.

“This isn’t right,” said Alicia. They were all still sitting on Kitty’s bed trying to make sense of everything. “Do you think someone got hold of the letter or something? I know it sounds stupid but…I just don’t know anymore.”

“Can we remember where the letter came from, usually that young girl brings them into the studio. Kitty’s letter was sent there wasn’t it?” said Jamia.

”Yeah, it did,” said Alicia, “because Gerard went off in a taxi on his own to the house and left us there. We wondered what had pissed him off and it was the letter that he’d just received from Kitty.”

“Actually, I gave him the letter,” said Ray. “I recognised the writing and remembered him smiling when he saw the letter I’d given him.” He said.

“So how come you had the letters?” said Jamia.

”Because…Eliza handed them to me.” Said Ray.

They all looked at each other, knowingly.

**

Kitty couldn’t believe that she was talking to Billie Joe Armstrong. She’d spoken to Adrienne for ages and then she’d introduced them to each other and then Adrienne had gone off, leaving her alone with Billie!

He was even better looking in real life but different, he seemed so much more mature. He was about the same height as her with her heels on, and he had a smaller build than she thought.

Him and Adrienne definitely made a cute couple.

“Thanks for painting it, I love it,” said Billie glancing over at the picture. “Anyway, listen, I wanted to ask you something. Do you know a guy called Gerard?” he said.

Oh no here we go thought Kitty. What now? There was no getting away from him, the lying bastard. He’d been with Eliza all along. Well they were welcome to each other, he could get stuffed.

“The only Gerard I know is Gerard Way and it was some time ago.” She said.

”I thought so,” said Billie a small smile forming on his face. He took a sip from his beer.

”Oh, thought what?” said Kitty.

“I thought it was you. He told me about you when we toured. I know all about his problems and he was having a bad night after one of the shows, we stayed up talking, smoking and drinking coffee. He told me all about this girl called Kitty that he was with for a long time, he was saying how much he missed you.”

“Oh, right.” Said Kitty, slightly embarrassed. What the fuck was Gerard talking to Billie Joe Armstrong about her for?

“He loved you very much back then,” said Billie.

“It’s a shame he changed his mind then,” said Kitty. “Sorry, sorry, its just that….”

“Hey, I’m sorry I brought him up. It was just hearing your name; Kitty, it reminded me of that night with Gerard, that’s all. I’m sorry Kitty if its still painful for you.”

“It is but I didn’t realise how much. There’s more to it, more than you need to know and discuss on your party night. Listen, can you tell Adrienne I have gone back to my room, I’ll catch up with her later on.”

“Yeah, of course I will,” said Billie watching the beautiful young girl head off and out of the party.

Why the fuck did he have such a big mouth? He thought as he watched her leave.

**

Eliza was pissed off, Jamia and Alicia had disappeared for a while and now they were back and she was sure they were whispering and talking about her. She’d caught them giving her a couple of odd looks. She couldn’t stand this anymore, she wished she’d never come in the first place and where the fuck was Gerard? She decided to head off to her hotel room and switch on the TV.

The TV would be better company than this bunch of losers.

**

The key slid into the lock easily this time but something made her turn to her left. She didn’t know what it was that made her turn because the corridor was silent, she just turned and standing there about ten feet away from her she saw the reason why she’d turned.

Gerard was there and he was grinning that grin she adored so much.

“Hi Kitten,” he said.

Kitten, just that one word made her legs weak, just that one look from him stopped her heart.

She realised then she’d never stop loving him.

But it was no use because he was going to be a father to Eliza’s baby. Eliza was welcome to him and she’d made a decision about her own baby because there was no way that her baby was going to have Eliza as a stepmother.

She couldn’t keep it now, no way.