Exhale

Holly pushed him a little too hard when the car door was open, his knees buckling down and him falling into the passengers seat. She wasted no time, reaching down and unhooking the keys from his belt loops. Quickly, Garrett flipped all the way into the seat knowing that his legs weren’t going to stop her from hearing the door slam.

She made her way around the front of the car and got into the drivers seat, slamming her own door for emphasis. The seatbelt behind her become the next victim of her obvious anger, she continued to jerk it too hard, causing it to lock and not come forward. She gave up after a few seconds, raising her arms in defeat.

“Y’know I could always dr—” He tried, turning to look at her.

“No.” She snapped. “You can just sit there and shut the fuck up for once.”

They sat in the car for a while, Holly’s hands on the steering wheel but no keys in the ignition. Her jaw was tight, much like Garrett’s was a few moment before. The tops of her knuckles turning white from the grip she had on the steering wheel. Her actions confused him, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip and his eyebrow scrunching together.

He never saw her so angry, especially not at him. At home, they’d bicker about the best Ryan Adams songs or stealing each other’s clothing. They’d always resolve them quickly, one deciding they owed the other dinner or ice cream that night. Those were always quick and easy fight. She’d blown up at John a few times while they were on the road together, John just had that ability to push all the wrong nerves. With those though, Garrett would be the one to comfort her. He’d hug her and talk her through the pangs of anger.

This was a completely different; he was the one causing all this. As much as he wanted to grab one of her tension-filled hands and smooth out the white knuckles, he was too scared of the consequences that would follow. He was the only person who really knew how to do and yet, he was too nervous to try it.

Finally, after they sat in the parking lot for a while, Holly strapped the seatbelt on and put the key in the ignition. She had tried already to try and make a sentence that would explain her emotions to him. His confusion irritated her more, making it harder to actual words. He should have known what it was, especially since he was the one who caused the feeling.

She drove the car in a foreign direction, the road quickly losing its double yellow line. Pot holes became frequently, small gullies surrounded them on both sides of the shrinking road. Garrett looked around, seeing the entire view covered with either woods or open fields. Cows grazed in the distance.

The sun began to sink, stars beginning to become visible. Night was sinking into the mountains and the dark began to spread. Garrett chewed on his bottom lip more, staring out the windshield as the small road starting turning into a small, gravel road.

“Uh, Holly,” He muttered softly, “Are you sure you know where we’re going? I mean I could pull out the GPS or something.”

“I fucking grew up here Garrett. I know where I’m going.” She retorted. “Fuck your GPS.”

He exhaled in frustration, eyeing her fingers tighten again around the wheel. He knew what he was doing, every small gesture he did seemed to make her knuckle become whiter and her eyes work harder to keep her focus on the road. He knew what he was doing then when he reached forward, a small smirk settling on his lips and twisted the small knob on the radio until the buzzing of the radio filled the car. As quickly as he turned it on, her hand was swatting his away and turning it off.

Her eyes moved to him, following the arch of his smirk and the spark in his eye. “Why do you find it necessary to be a jackass all the time?”

Garrett’s smirk grew. “I’m not.”

“Like at the bar—”

“What Holly? Are you mad at me for finding out about Todd being your little fuck buddy?”

She glanced back at the road momentarily, scanning the horizon. Her lips twitched in irritation, the fingers now loosening their grip on the grey leather. He was toying with her now, the smirk only made that more obvious. “Garrett.” She spoke clearly, making another quick glance at him. “Really?”

“What? Didn’t think I’d find out about you being a slut huh?” The words escaped his lips before he could even sensor them. The words were passed from his mouth to her ear like venom, taking away the feeling of irritation and replacing it with hurt.

Any words left for him drained out of her, the tension in her fingers and jaw disappearing. It felt like she was stabbed and the blood in her body started draining downwards. Garrett was never suppose to judge her or make any sort of accusations like that, he was suppose to stand by her. He was supposed to love and care for her without the concern of her past or her future.

Holly pulled the car off the rod some, pulling the emergency brake but not taking her hands from their spot on the wheel. He glanced at her, confused again. The field beside them was empty, the yellowish grass cut short. Trees covered the horizon, their shadows drawn out and their branches cutting off the little bit of sunlight left.

Garrett watched her cautiously, words spiraling around in his head. He knew what he said and he could see the obvious hurt in her. “Holls?” His hand extended, making its way towards her.

“Get out.” She spoke, not looking at him. She matched the surroundings, her facade read calm but she was brewing, causing his hand to jump back to resting spot on his own thigh.

They were in the middle of nowhere. The dirty road had no driveways or mailboxes connecting to it. It was empty of other cars. Garrett scanned it again, making note of the sun in its lowest position. “Holly—” He tried again.

“No.” She interrupted. “Get the fuck out of this car.”

“Look I’m sorry ok—”

“Am I not being clear here?” She looked at him, her jaw retightening in defense. Still, the hurt covered her, her shoulders drooped and a small collection of tears waited along her bottom lids.

Garrett didn’t react to her hurt and simply ignored the signs of it. “We’re in the middle of nowhere and you’re really okay with leaving me on the side of some road?”

Her hand dropped from its spot on the wheel and wipe the lids of her eyes. “Garrett, get out.” She growled, frustrated.

He sat back against the seat, crossing his arms across his chest. “I’m not leaving this car.”
“Fine,” She snorted. “Then I will.”

She got out of the drivers seat, opening to door with more force than necessary and then slamming it with similar strength.

Garrett muttered a few curse words in frustration, watching her walk around the side of the car and into the field beside them. His fingers went to work, finding the button to unlatch the seatbelt and unlock the car door. Things were getting out of hand; Garrett never intended to make her this mad. He never expected that reaction either, to see her storm off made that more apparent.

“Holly!” He cried out to her, desperate to keep her from walking further. “Just stop for half-a-second!”

He stared out at the ten feet of space between them, hoping for her to pause there. After today, he was tired of chasing after her when she was upset. He’d already done it once after she fought with her mother. He made another plea for her to stop, this one coming across kinder. She stopped after another two steps, keeping her back to him.

“Look, I’m sorry okay?” He took her silence as the opportunity to talk. “But it isn’t like I have anything to go off of here— you don’t tell us guys shit about your past and then that asshole starts talking and the shit he’s saying isn’t exactly making you look like an angel.”

In one quick motion, she turned back around and glared at him. She was angry and it was obvious to him. Hurt laced her features and anger was being you to disguise it. Her mouth stayed shut, her eyes were the only thing he was left to go off of. “Well then prove me wrong.” He chose to fill the silence more, making another attempt at smoothing this all over “Explain to me what happened between you two and I’ll admit I’m wrong and jumped to the conclusion.” He tried.

She shook her head at him, a certain look of disbelief covering her face. “Just the fucking fact that you ask that hurts Gar. You are suppose to be my best friend and not allow some random guy’s comments to ruin your opinion of me.”

“It’s hard not to when I know nothing about any of your past.” He snapped back.

“Fine Garrett. Fine. What do you want me to say? Do you want to hear that everything Todd was true? That’ll just end with you beating the shit out of Todd and probably a lawsuit.” Her voice cracked, her body using all its might to keep the tears welling up back. “Or do you want to hear that I was some perfectly innocent child you guys assume I was. Because either way I’ll disappoint you and the guys. You put me on this fucking pedestal Gar. What am I suppose to do?”

“You could just tell me what really happened!”

“Why Garrett? So you can assume me to be some slut like you have already accused me of? So you can fucking go off and abandon me? Get all the guys to think I’m some sort of heartless bitch—”

“No!” He interrupted. “So I can actually feel like I fucking know you and not some front that you put up to keep me and the guys out.”

“You do know me Gar!” She screamed back. “And I know you, well I knew you. Whoever this is in front of me, this raging jealous maniac, I don’t know.”

“Fine. Ok? Fine. I am jealous. When were home it’s easy to deal with not knowing because no one know. Everyone is on the same level with you. But hearing that asshole go on about all this shit about you that I didn’t know killed me! Is that what you want me to say? I’m your best friend and I feel like that’s not even good enough because you don’t trust me enough to let me in on this.”

“That’s no reason to treat Todd like shit.”

He scoffed. “You can’t be serious Holly? You’re really going to defend that piece of shit? Really? I fucking watched him rape you with his eyes and then violate every boundary friends have. Is that the type of guy you go for? The biggest assholes on the planet? Geez Holly—”
“This is why I can’t tell you shit.”

“Why?” He replied quickly.

“You fucking judge every little thing like it’s going to end the world!”

“What the hell Holly? I do not. I just know you deserve so much better than that. Those are the types of guys that you shouldn’t even wipe your feet on. He was garbage Holly—”

“Ok Dad.” She cut him off, smiling.

His jaw tightened as he watched her for a few seconds. “Fine.” He growled. “You don’t want my help? That wasn’t how you were fifteen minutes ago when you were telling Todd I was your boyfriend.”

“I didn’t need your help anyways.” She replied. “And I still don’t.”

“Fine.” He stared at her, raising his eyebrows at her.

She waited for more, knowing Garrett had a habit of taking arguments too far. He liked to win and that feeling of knowing that he was right. She watched him smirk, his lips parted and released a breath. He turned back towards the car, opening the door and climbing back.

The sudden change baffled her. He never gave up, especially not with something so heated as the issue they were covering. She’d never seen it, not once with anyone he’d ever fought with. He was the type to argue until his voice box hurt and everyone gave up. The longer she stood there and thought about it, the more upset she got by it. He gave up on something that meant so much to her.

She trudged back to the car not bothering to make eye contact with him through the windshield. It wouldn’t matter anyways, Garrett had positioned himself in such a way that she couldn’t meet his eyes. Even when she got in and turn on the car, he kept his head turned toward the window, watching the scenery change with the lack of light.

The silence was even more unsettling now. Garrett chewed gently on his bottom lip, mapping out all the possible outcomes of this evening’s events. It wasn’t how things were suppose to go and if he hadn’t jumped to conclusions he knew they would be acting like their normal selves right now. Holly wasn’t processing like him, she was too busy being angry. He stopped and gave up on it and he never did that.

They both hurt, words still ricocheting inside them like little needles. Garrett never called her names or questioned her life before him and in a 20 minute period, he did both. She knew he was better than that and the raging jealous maniac he became.

She couldn’t read him, his face was blank and his eyes were empty. As much as she wanted to believe he did this to himself, she felt guilty too. She shouldn’t have yelled at him and he did nothing to hurt her. Garrett’s called him out right, Todd was nothing great. Telling him though, that her past was full of guys who were nowhere close to the standard he set for her, was hard. All the guys held it, as if she were their younger sister and made a point of protecting her from the guys they found to be below the mark. It was an impossible standard too, no one was ever allowed to touch her except them.

He felt her looking at him and he knew she was upset. She didn’t go stone cold like he did, the disappointment and hurt hung over her. Tears teased her eyes a few times already, ones he caused. She pushed them back as quickly as he noticed them. Garrett should have fixed this, leaving Holly hurting was just as painful for him.

The building hung in the distance, lights piercing through the field and ruined the night. Garrett’s indifferent face changed quickly, the frown digging in. After that fight he assumed they’d go back to her house and ignore each other for the night. A party meant that he’d have to watch her and stick by her, just as much for his safety as hers.

Holly parked the car in the back of the lot, pulling the keys from the ignition and dropping them in his lap. “Coming?” She sounded almost normal, as if the fight had never and his words never left his lips, like it was just some awful dream.

“Really?” Words stopped processing through his brain obviously. “You expect me to go in there and deal with more of your scum friends?” He set himself up again, waiting for her response that would be just as cruel and hateful as what he had said.

She sighed, glancing at him. “Fine. Stay in the car then.” She shrugged, pulling on the door handle.

When they were home, things with parties were different. Garrett didn’t feel the need to be with her the whole time, knowing John and Jared made watching her their job. Garrett didn’t even go sometimes, knowing that they watched over her so well. Letting her go alone into this party though was the stupidest idea one could think of. She was mad, she’d have alcohol, and she’d have old friends, he knew it was the perfect arrangement for problems.

Garrett got out of the car, slamming the door before charging after her. The idea of more Todds distorted his thought process again, turning him insane. She could have touched them and kissed them. Each one could have taken a piece, one that Garrett couldn’t have then. Going in the party with her wasn’t even debatably at this point, Garrett had no John, Max, Tim, Jared, Pat, or even Kennedy to help him make sure awful guys didn’t take her.

At the door, Garrett caught up to her. He bit down on his lips gently, dropping his arm and moving his hand towards hers. As soon as the skin touched Holly snapped her own hand away, crossing it with her another arm in defense. He didn’t give up, his hand moving to the small of her back. It was an attempt that would have worked at home, she was known to sink against him then and his hand would slide around to her hip. Instead, she pulled away again, giving him a quick glare before continuing through the crowd.

He kept up with her, putting his hands in his pockets in defeat. Holly moved towards a pack of people in the back of the room. He heard them call her name, the same smirks on their faces that Todd had. She seemed to know each one of them, rambling out their names with a nostalgic smile as they approached the group. Silently, Garrett watched them each speak and hear her softly chuckle or agree. He immediately assumed they were all had a piece of her too. The muscles over his jaw tightened and loosened, the thoughts of them being with her filled him again.

Hearing his name broke the trance he was going into. Holly turned a little gesturing to him with a light smile. “This is my boyfriend Garrett.” Her fingers touched his stomach for a moment, grazing across the buttons of his plaid shirt. “We actually just finished up a big fight didn’t we baby?”

Seeing her innocent smile turn into the devilish smirk fueled him, taking his arm and wrapping it around her waist. “Yeah, pretty sure I’m not gonna be getting much tonight, huh honey?”

“Hell Gar.” Her eyes shot to him momentarily before they went back to focusing on the small crowd around them, her own arm finding its own way around him. “That’s what got us into this mess in the first place.”

A blush found its way to his cheeks and neck, the words she said causing him to retract his arm some. It was a game now and she was winning. The guys around him laughed, watching him get redder. He knew it was only making the whole situation more believable but the redness wouldn’t leave him. Holly stayed silent, her attention on neither Garrett or the crowd but the tray of drinks going around the other side of the room. “It’s okay Gary.” She mumbled, “I’m sure it happens to plenty of guys right?” Her head twisted around the circle, every guys’ smirk grew.

Garrett looked at her, shocked and embarrassed by her words. She never hit that low at home, even in her most drunk state. This was dirty and wrong, putting him in a place where he couldn’t feel comfortable. The arm he had around her waist dropped and took her arm from its spot. “There’s no way I can deal with you tonight without a drink baby.” He sneered, stepping back.

He took the first drink he found, the shot glass full of a liquid he couldn’t identify. At home, he’d never take the hard liquors, sticking to the beers and wines when he needed a drink. Everything about this party was so different from home though. He lifted the glass to his mouth and downed it, leaving himself no time to rethink the choice.

After that, Garrett kept his distance from her, watching her continuously pick up cups of liquids he didn’t know and drink them. The thin barrier between them made it easy for him to see but her words could never sink passed all the unwanted noise in the room. He could see the drinks having an effect on her, she was getting more touchy with the guys around her.