All We Have

shy miller.
I ran my fingers through my blonde hair, my eyes skimming across the light blue two story house sitting in front of me. Apart from a few small changes, it looked just as it had three years ago. I looked across the front yard slowly, smiling when I saw the garden that hadn’t been there in the past. My mom had always wanted one, but she never had gotten around to it.

My mom… I missed her so much. I mean, sure I had seen her a few weeks ago when her and Seth came to visit my dad and I in California, but I missed waking up to her cooking breakfast. I missed seeing her every day, and having her yell at Seth and I for being goofs.

Laughing lightly to myself I thought about finally being back in Arizona. I hadn’t been here in over three years and, quite frankly, I was nervous. Nervous about being back in the town I had been born in, the town I had grown up in… the same town I had been eager to get away from when I was young.

“You can do it, Shy,” I whispered to myself as I turned my truck off, pulling the key out of the ignition. I looked back towards the house, grabbing my cell phone and purse off the passenger seat. I sat still for a second, debating whether I should grab my suitcases from the back seat, or if I should just head inside and let Seth and my mom know I was here.

I smiled, deciding to forget about my belongings for now as I opened the truck door. I slid out easily, my converse clad feet thudding on the ground as I hit the ground and carried my five foot five self towards the front door. I wasn’t even two feet from it when I heard the voice I had hoped to never hear again.

“Hey,” he smirked, sticking his hand out for me to shake, “I’m Ryan.”

Ryan Dean hadn’t changed on single bit since the last time I had seen him. His eyes were still brown, his hair looked as soft and just as messy as it had in the past, and I knew for a fact that his personality was most likely still the same. His personality was what I hated most. He didn’t care about hurting others. He didn’t care if he made a girl cry because he called her fat. He was heartless, and I still hated him.

His extended hand dropped to his side when he realized I wasn’t planning on shaking it. Instead his confident gaze changed a curious look, and then I knew he didn’t recognize me. He had no idea as to who I was, and I didn’t blame him. When I left Arizona I was overweight, had glasses and I had the frizziest hair imaginable, but now… now I looked nothing like I did then. Working out on a daily basis helped me loose the weight and I invested in some contacts and a straightener.

He had tormented me endlessly until I reached my breaking point and moved to California with my dad to get away from him, but now I was back, and I wasn’t going to let him walk all over me like before.

“I know who you are,” I stated dryly, venom dripping from my words and a glare on my face. I turned on my heel swiftly and opened the door with ease, slamming it behind me. Once the door was closed, I closed my eyes and leaned back against it, sighing in relief. It was just my luck that he’d be the first person I’d see.

I heard light footsteps heading my way and I opened my eyes, a large grin stretching across my face as I saw my older brother stare at me in amazement. “… Shy?” he whispered, seeming as if he didn’t believe I was standing in front of him. I giggled softly, walking forward as I wrapped my arms around him, my face burying itself in his chest and I hugged him as tight as I possibly could. It wasn’t even a second later when I felt his arms tighten themselves around me, “What’re you doing here?!”

I pulled back from our hug, smiling brightly as I squealed happily, “I’m moving back… I told mom not to tell you, ‘cause I wanted to surprise you.”

Seth smiled, “I’ve missed you, Shy.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

I saw Seth’s gaze set on something behind me, and I turned instantly, happiness running through me when I saw my mom standing there. “What about me?” she smiled.

“I missed you as well, Mommy.” I whispered before hugging her, tears slowly filling my eyes.

If anything, this made me dislike Ryan that much more. It was his fault I had moved away, his tormenting was horrible and I just couldn’t take it any longer. I blamed him for leaving my older brother and mom behind. It was hard on me to not see them every day, and I had hated it; which was exactly why I moved back.



I opened the door to my room cautiously, not sure what it would look like. I laughed once I realized that everything was in the exact same place where I had left it, nothing had been moved. I let the door shut behind me as I walked inside and planted my butt on the bright purple comforter that had been my favorite when I was a small girl. The walls were painting a dark prink color, and just like the comforter, pretty much everything in the room consisted of bright colors and girly accessories; things that didn’t exactly appeal to me any longer. The bright colors seemed a little… too much now.

My room was about the same size as Seth’s bedroom, each of us with our own bathroom. My bathroom wasn’t huge like the one in my mom’s bedroom, but it wasn’t small either. It was the perfect size to me and, I was happy as long as I had my own bathroom. Sharing a bathroom with Seth, would drive me insane. I loved him to death, but he could be such a pig at times.

A soft knock on my door brought me from my thoughts and I muttered a quick ‘come in’ to whoever it was on the other side of my door. Seth walked into my room lugging two of my large suitcases in his hands and I laughed. Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

“Where do you want these, Shy?”

“Um, by the dresser…” I let my green eyes give the room a once over yet again, “Why didn’t you guys change anything, Seth?” I was honestly curious about it. I mean, yeah, I liked the fact that they didn’t move anything, but I wondered why. They could have easily turned this rom into another guest room or something, but they didn’t.

Seth smiled as I looked at him, “Mom was hoping you would change your mind and come back soon and, even after you didn’t she didn’t wanna’ move any of your stuff.” He sighed, “During the first few weeks she would randomly come in here and just stare at a picture of you. She really missed you Shy… we both did.”

I forced a small smiled, “Seth… I had to leave. I couldn’t stand all the shit Ryan kept putting me through. He made my life miserable for years.” I knew I didn’t have to remind him about that. Ryan was his best friend, after all. I came home crying because of him so many times, but I had always told Seth that I didn’t want him to stop being his friend. They had been inseparable since they were toddlers, and I didn’t want to take that away from my brother.

“He… he didn’t mean anything he said, Shy.”

Laughing humorlessly, I stared at him with a blank look on my face. “You and I both know that he meant every single damn thing he said to me.”

Seth closed his eyes and muttered something I couldn’t quite hear under his breath before telling me he was going to get the rest of my bags. I told him thanks and sat on my bed, crossing my feet. I sat quietly for a few seconds before I got up, deciding to open the window and let some fresh air come into the room. It was way too stuffy in here; I didn’t like it at all. As I opened the window to let the breeze in, something caught my interest – Seth was talking to Ryan. I would have disregarded it completely, expect that I was worried about Seth letting his best friend know that I was back.

The moment I saw Ryan start turning his head towards me, I walked away from the window as quickly as I could. I didn’t want him seeing me. The longer he didn’t know I was back, the better.

I smiled lightly as I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. My frizzy hair was long gone. As I grew older, it became shiny and the messy curls turned into neat curls. It went from dull and lifeless, to shiny and bouncy. My once lifeless eyes became brighter after I began using mascara and eyeliner. The crooked teeth I used to have became straight as could be after my dad took me to the dentist to get braces. Ryan always made fun of my crooked teeth. Hell, he made fun of everything. He even went as low as making fun of me for having such a flat chest. He would be surprised when he realized who I was. My body matured and grew into itself; my appearance had improved for the better.

I was so different now, no wonder Ryan hadn’t recognized me. I wouldn’t have either.

I walked out of the bathroom and into my room when I heard Seth walk back in with more of my suitcases. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun quickly. My room was in serious need of a make over.