Only in the Moonlight Does This Feel Right

Chris and I had packed up that same night, and I had found two seats on a flight to J.F.K. Airport that would leave in a few hours.

I closed my laptop and put it away in my carry on. Chris and I would watch a few movies on it to keep us awake during the flight. I zipped up my bags, and locked my suitcases. I looked at my room and sighed tiredly… this was going to be a long night.

I put my cell phone into my pocket—I had changed into more comfortable clothes—closed my door and began my descent down the stairs. I was the last person into the living room, and I looked at the four of them. There was Sam sitting down on the couch, Emily who was snuggled up next to him, her eyes red and slightly puffy because of the news of her brother slowly dying, Chris standing next to the front door, staring blankly out into the woods that lined the perimeter of the yard, and Jacob who walked over to me slowly with a concerned expression.

“I’ll take your stuff,” He said gently.

I nodded handing him the heavier pieces of luggage, and thanked him with a small and barely noticeable smile. He took the suitcases and carried them out the door. Emily and Sam walked us to the Charger, and Emily embraced me with a hug.

“You tell your father, that I love him and always will.” She sniffled. “You and Chris take care of yourselves, eat right, don’t stay up too late, and don’t even think about not calling us daily.”

I nodded and wiped a few tears away at her request. “Sure, I promise, Emily.”

She then gave Chris a hug, and then Sam surprised Chris and me by pulling us into a hug of his own. “Be careful,” He said.

We both nodded and said one last goodbye as we got into the car.

Chris and Jacob sat shotgun while I sat in the backseat. I stared out into the scenery, my mind blank. I could feel Jacob’s worried glances occasionally land upon me, but I really paid no mind to it. The car was eerily quiet, and the only sound that was being made was by the radio as it played “Hear You Me” by Jimmy Eat World. I felt my eyes water as I listened to the song’s lyrics.

“There’s no one in town I know,
You gave us someplace to go.
I never said thank you for that,
Thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now?
So lucky, so strong, so proud.
I never said thank you for that,
Now I’ll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in,
Hear you me my friends,
On sleepless roads, the sleepless go,
May angels lead you in.”

I wiped a few of my tears away as they slid down my cheeks and I just kept my eyes closed for the rest of the ride so no more would escape.

When we got to the Port Angeles Airport, we decided that the three of us would walk in together. I was thankful for that, now I wouldn’t cry in front of Jacob because I knew it pained him to see me in this depressed state. I wanted to make sure I left him with a smile on his face.

After checking in our luggage, we walked to the terminals in a silence.

“Gate 47 to J.F.K. Airport, Queens, New York is now boarding.” The PA announced.

The three of us faced each other and I looked at Jacob who looked at me with a depressed and lonely gaze.

Chris was the first to say something. “Well, see you when we get back Jake, bye.” He said. “We’ll call you when we’re coming back, tell the guys I say bye.” He then gave Jacob a quick hug and walked towards the woman who was taking tickets, and soon disappeared into the passageway to the plane.

Jake and I looked at each other and I was soon in his arms instantly.

“You better be careful Jade Young, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He said gently into my hair. “You better call or text me every day, and if you need to talk, call me no matter what time it is. If I don’t answer, I’m either on patrol or I don’t have it on me. But I’ll call you back as soon as I can.” He promised.

I nodded silently and just took in his scent, trying to remember it. “I’m so sorry for doing this to you… and especially on your birthday.” I said.

“It’s not my birthday, well, not anymore.” He said and pulled away. “Look,”
He pointed to a clock that was above a desk. It was 12:03.

I looked at him and rolled my eyes, a small smile on my face. “Yea, well it’s still a pretty crappy way to start off a day.”

“It is, but I know that you’re going to come back to me.” He said. “Just please be careful, Jade, I can’t think about anything ever happening to you—I don’t want to.”

“I promise to be careful, Jake,” I said, my words coming out muffled because I said it into his shirt. “I’ll make sure to call you everyday. I’ll try to make sure it’s not at some weird time.”

“I don’t care what time it is, call me whenever you need me. That’s what I’m here for. I’m here for you and I’ll always be here for you. No matter what and especially no matter what time you call.” He chuckled, but said it seriously all the same.

I smiled and kissed his lips sweetly. “I love you, Jacob Black.”
He kissed me back tenderly and smiled at me. “I love you, too, Jade Young.”

“I’m going to miss you a hell of a lot,” I muttered and hugged him tightly.

“You don’t know how much I’m going to miss you,” He mumbled and kissed the top of my head.

We stayed like that for a minute more before I realized I had to go. I kissed him for what seemed like minutes, and it probably was because I soon heard the final call for boarding. I pulled away and smiled.

“Bye Jake, I’ll see you soon.”

“Bye Jade, be careful, call me everyday. I’m here whenever you need me. If you need me, tell me and I’ll be on the next plane out.”

I nodded, kissed his check and gave him one final hug before I walked towards the gate.

I got situated on the plane and sat down next to Chris in silence.

“Everything will be fine, Jade. I promise. We’ll be with dad everyday and make the most of it while we can. Then when this is done and over with, we’ll come back home.” I looked at him and felt his hand capture mine, squeezing it tightly for reassurance.

“I hope so, Chris; I just want everything to be normal again.”

-{}-

We landed in New York in about four to five hours, and my legs were stiff as Chris and I got off the flying machine and onto steady ground. We made our way through the hustling and bustling terminals and to the baggage claim, and after we found our suitcases, we walked outside and quickly got a taxi.

Due to traffic it took us longer to get home, around an hour to give you an estimate. We lugged our things up the porch stairs and then grabbed the spare house key from above the doorframe. We unlocked the door and walked inside our old home.

It was eerie to see how much this place had changed—my heart was ripping in half.

The warm, cozy and clean house we had left was now left to rot. Pictures that once hung up on the walls were now on the floor, some of the glass cracked or shattered to bits. Dust and dirt was collected upon many objects, the floor was caked in it. The once bright and vivid red walls were now pale and dull. The air was stale and stuffy. The windows were barely see through with the amount of dirty streaks that stained them.

I sat on the stair case and felt more tears sting my eyes as a ball grew in the back of my throat. Chris sat next to me, and I could tell by his slouched position that he, too, was feeling hurt and saddened by this depressed and dead atmosphere.

When he pulled me into a hug… that was when I lost it.

“How did things get this bad, Christian—how!?” I cried into his shirt. “Why is everything all of a sudden coming down?” He rubbed my back, letting me cry my heart out. “Why did all of this happen?”

“I don’t know, Jade.” Was all that he mumbled out, afraid that he would soon cry along with me.

We must have sat there for at least ten minutes. My crying was slowing down and I felt Chris’s breathing shaken, making me well aware that he was silently crying to himself as well.

“Let’s get upstairs and unpack. Then we’ll head over to the hospital at eight.”

“’Kay,” I nodded and we both began to head upstairs with our luggage.

I walked into my room and saw no change to it. It was like it remained untouched since I left—and probably had, the only thing that was new was the dust that was on the dressers and all the higher places on the furniture. I sighed and began to put my clothes away in the places I had them before and met Chris back downstairs in the kitchen.

“I checked the cabinets and there’s no edible food here. It’s all expired, moldy, or we both hate it.”

I yawned and looked at the clock. “Okay, well, let’s go to the market right now. It’ll be 6:45 when we get there, so they should be opened.” I suggested.

“Alright, do you have money?” He asked.

“Yea, I have some twenties and I’ve got the emergency credit card too.” I nodded. “Let’s go before it gets swamped.”
Since the grocery store was only a few blocks away, Chris and I decided to walk instead of getting another taxi. What was the point of paying money when it was in walking distance?

We walked through aisles and grabbed the necessities. Since we didn’t know how long we would be here, we only grabbed a week’s worth of food. If we stayed longer, we’d just come back and do it all over again. After checking out, we walked back home and Chris and I put everything into the fridge and into the cabinets.

“What do you want me to make you?” I asked.

“Whatever you feel like eating,” He shrugged.

I decided to just make some eggs and sausage seeing as I was still pretty tired from the plane and the fact that I haven’t slept in almost 24 hours. I served us and the two of us ate in silence. I washed the dishes and then walked upstairs and into my room.

“I’m going to take a quick nap, Chris,” I said as I closed the door. “Wake me up in an hour.”

“Alright,” was his short answer.

In one hour exactly, Chris had woken me up, and I was taking a quick shower. I rinsed my hair and was about to turn the knob to shut it off when the water went off automatically.

It dawned on me. He probably hadn’t paid the water bill… which meant he hadn’t paid the electricity bill either.

The lights went off and I was thankful that there was a small window next to the shower. I got dressed in the dim lighting and then walked out, my hair wet and becoming frizzy with each passing minute.

“He hasn’t paid the bills,” Chris muttered. “We should take care of that.”
I only nodded and walked over to a clump of mail, getting the junk mail out and trashing it while I kept the others. I opened up the mail from my grandmother who had sent him checks that were about five thousand each, and put them into my bag inside a small compartment. I put my belongings in there and then looked at Chris.

“Let’s go and head to the hospital first, after that, we’ll head over to dad’s bank and cash the checks and put them into his account. Then we’ll pay the bills after.”

“Sounds good,”

We walked into downtown and got the subway. It felt weird walking around the place that I had lived in most of my life… like I was in a whole new country—a whole new world. Everything felt foreign and alien to me. Do you think that’s weird…?

I know it’s weird, but I guess it was because I was just so used to La Push and couldn’t think about living anywhere else.

We got off the subway after a while and found the hospital a few blocks down. We got the room number from the receptionist and went up a few stories to his floor. I saw him and my heart broke.

He looked dead already. His skin was paler than the Cullens’ and his eyes were sunken in and bleak with no sign of life. He had dark purple bags under them, and his whole face was wrinkled and old looking. His arms were black and blue, most likely from all the needles that they had to put in him, and they were thin and boney, as was the rest of his body. His once brown hair was graying at the roots and messy.

“Dad,” I called and rushed over to him and engulfed him in a long hug, making sure I didn’t tangle up any chords or the IV. He used his one arm to hug back and it was soon Chris’s turn.

“Hey dad,” He said softly.

“Hello Chris, Jade,” He said. “I’m so happy to see you.”

“We are too,” I smiled sadly.

“I see that you know the family history, now,” He chuckled and looked at Chris.

Chris smiled a bit and nodded. “Yea, why didn’t you tell us?”

“Wasn’t the time or the place,” He shrugged. “You had to find out on your own.”

“Dad how long have you known about your sickness?” I inquired.

He sighed. “Had a feeling you’d ask that,” He mumbled. “Since before you two left for the reservation. I was told about the lung cancer a month before, and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to do much of anything for the both of you anymore financially because I would have to pay for the hospital bills. It started to get worse when you guys left and soon I had to be put into chemo. Nasty shit it is… so don’t ever smoke.” He looked at us seriously. “It wasn’t until a week ago they told me about my liver failure. I wasn’t able to call you earlier because they kept doing these stupid examinations on me.”

We sat down on the chairs; Chris sat on one side while I sat opposite of him. The three of us talked and talked for a long while. I looked around the room, inspecting it while Chris and dad talked about the reservation. My eyes landed on the doorframe and my stomach dropped. Johnny smirked at me gave me a wink.

“Jade…? Jade.” My dad’s voice made me turn my head and I saw him looking at me with concern. “Is everything alright?”

My head snapped back and I saw him gone. “Yea… yea everything is fine,” I said. “Just thought I saw someone I knew.”

How the hell did he know that I was here? How did he even get here?

“Oh, well, alright,” He shrugged, buying my lie. “I was just saying that my lawyer is just downstairs with paperwork concerning my will.” Chris and I stiffened. “You both know that this has to be taken care of.”

We both nodded solemnly. “Yea, but we just wish it could’ve been worked out later.” I mumbled.

“We all do, Jade, we all do.” Dad mumbled.

-{}-

Chris and I got home late, around 11:45 to be exact. We left the hospital at around three o’clock, went to the bank to cash the checks, and went to go pay the bills. After that, we decided to just eat at a fast food place and then come home.

Chris and I tiredly walked up the stairs and into our rooms, muttering a ‘goodnight’ to each other and disappearing into our rooms.

I changed into my pajamas and then threw myself onto the bed. I got comfortable and got my cell phone. I looked at the clock. Now it was 12:00 and I thought about calling Jacob.

Well, I thought. There’s a three hour time difference so it’s only nine o’clock right now.

I called Emily first, seeing as she told us not to forget about calling over there daily. It rang twice before she answered.

“Hello?” Sam’s gruff voice greeted.

“Hey Sam, it’s Jade,”

“Oh hi, Jade, how are you and Chris?”

“As good as we can be I guess,”

“Did you want to talk to Emily?”

“Yea,”

“Okay, hold on,” He said and I heard rattling. “Emily, Jade’s on the phone!” He shouted.

“Coming,” She replied back, and then the phone was taken away by her. “Hey Jade, how’s New York?”

“Same old, same old,” I sighed. “Nothing changed—nothing. Well, I mean, the house is pretty dirty and looks like it’s a mess because no one’s been in here for my guess a week or so.”

“I see, how’s your father?”

“Not too good,” I said. “He really didn’t say much about his condition because we were too busy talking about the house, the bills, and then his will.

“Oh,” I heard her voice crack slightly. “Did you tell him I love him?”

“Right before we left; and he wanted me to tell you, ‘I love you too, Em.’”

She laughed and I could hear her sniffling. “Okay well, I’ve got to finish up the dishes, so just call me tomorrow.” She said.

“Alright Emily, bye,”

“Bye,”

After ending the call I pressed Jacob’s speed dial number and it didn’t even finish the first ring before he answered it.

“Jade?”

“Hey Jake,” I smiled, his voice already cheering me up.

“Hey how’s it going over there?”

“I guess it could be going better, but I think it could be going worse too, so… I guess it’s just normal.”

“That’s good, how was the flight?”

“Boring, it made me and Chris sore.”

He laughed. “What time is it over there?”

“It just turned midnight a few minutes ago,”

“Why are you calling so late?”

“Well, it was a busy day today. I just got home from paying the bills and stuff with Chris.”

“Oh, well, call earlier so that way you’re not staying up too late, ‘kay? I don’t want you to be talking with me all night and wake up tired the next day.”

“Sorry, but I don’t care what time it is. I just want to talk to you.” I stuck out my tongue even though he couldn’t see it.

He chuckled lightly before he asked me, “You’re sticking out your tongue, aren’t you?” I stayed silent and then laughed. “I’m taking that as a yes.”

“You know me too well, Jake,”

“I’m supposed to. I know that you always stick out your tongue after you’ve ‘defied’ someone.” He laughed.

“Oh shut it,” I joined along, laughing as well. “So how are things back in La Push—how are the guys?”

“Surprisingly quiet, there hasn’t been much activity going on. There was a new scent, but it’s practically disappeared which is weird, but we’re still keeping an eye out. Blake’s been in and out of the reservation.” He said. “The guys are good, the new scent and Blake are making them keep their guard up.”

“But they’re good overall right?”

“Yea, still acting like idiots.”

We both laughed and I felt myself become more at ease. “Oh my god, I wish I could just talk with you like this forever.” I sighed.

“Me too,”

“But I wish that I could just be with you instead being with you on the phone,”

“Yea, I miss you,” He agreed.

I looked at the window and my heart rate began to accelerate. I screamed loudly and fell out of my bed.

“Jade! Jade, are you alright?! Jade, what the hell is going on?!” Jacob shouted.

“Chris!” I screamed. “Chris, come quick!”

I heard fumbling in the next room over and running coming down the hallway. My door burst open and a Chris who looked scared half to death ran inside.

“What, what, what is it?!”

“Spider!” I shouted and pointed to the windowsill where it began to crawl up the side.

It was black, hairy, and the size of a freaking quarter.

Why yes, in case you hadn’t noticed, I do have arachnophobia—otherwise known as a fear of spiders.

He groaned and gave me an annoyed look. “And here I thought something was actually wrong,” He grumbled.

“Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!” I shouted and watched it climb up the wall. I could just feel the color leaving my face.

“Alright, okay, shut up already!” He groaned in annoyance.

He grabbed a shoe that belonged to our dad from the hallway and then threw it at the insect, a loud and chilling ‘crunch’ being heard. I flinched and my eye twitched in disgust.

He carried the shoe out of my room and disappeared into his own, throwing the shoe down the stairs. I closed my door, looked around for any other spiders that were visible, and then got back into bed.

“Jake… are you still there?”

“Yes,” He groaned—annoyed as well. “You scared the shit out of me, you know that, right?”

“I’m sorry—bad case of arachnophobia. Even those microscopic red spiders freak me out.” I laughed uneasily.

“Well, just make sure you tell me that there’s a spider before you start to scream bloody murder. I was just about to head over on the next flight over there thinking it was some stupid leech.”

“I’m sorry,” I laughed. “Really, I’m sorry,”

“It’s fine, just don’t do that again, please.”

“I promise, I’ll try not to.”

“Good,”

“Okay, well, I’m really tired, so I’m gonna go to bed.”

“Alright, have a good night’s rest. Sweet dreams, Jade.”

“’Kay, thanks Jake. I love you. Sweet dreams.”

“Love you, too, bye.”

“Bye,”

I ended the call and then placed my phone on my nightstand. I plugged the charger in and connected the wire to the phone; it beeped aloud to acknowledge the connection.

I thought about Blake for a while. Why was he so persistent on getting me? I mean, I knew why, but couldn’t he just leave me and my family alone? How long will this go on for—will my children or grandchildren have to deal with this issue?

'Hold up…' I thought. 'Children… and grandchildren? What am I thinking…? Jake and I aren’t ready for that yet—not by a long shot. Wait, I don’t even know if I’ll get to live that long because of Blake, let alone if I even want children.' I paused. 'Yea, I want children. Do I want them with Jacob?' I looked around the room and rolled my eyes. 'Yea, I do.' The idea of mini Jacobs and mini Jades made me burst out in hysterical laughter.

My phone buzzed with a new text and I read it.

"Get to bed. I’m tired and I can’t sleep with your laughter. :P – Chris"

I got comfortable in bed and then looked out my window. The city was lit brightly and I made out the airplanes’ lights flicker on and off repeatedly. I missed everything about the reservation.

I missed the clear night sky with all the bright stars.

I missed First Beach and its soft sand.

I missed the tall oaks and pines that lined the houses.

I missed the fresh air that wasn’t polluted.

I missed my friends and Aunt Emily.

I missed my russet colored wolf the most though…

I sighed softly to myself. 'I miss you, Jake.'