Confessions

Michael: May

I see Mike a handful of seats to my left, who gives me a look of classic Carden boredom. William’s a bit farther down the row, looking like he’s actually paying attention to whoever’s giving a speech while the rest of us just wait to have our names called so we can get our diplomas. We’re all waiting for the after-party. I see Victoria and Jack in the row in front of us, exchanging grins and glances. I hazard a glance to the rows of seats behind, catching Sisky yawning hugely. Lila checking her watch. Butcher’s hands tapping out a beat on his knees.

Melly’s eyes meet mine and her look turns flirtatious with a wink and accompanying wave before I turn back around, smiling to myself.

Then, [finally] they get to calling names – Asher, Barakat, Beckett, Carden – and everyone else in between until it’s my turn. Then Melly, Butcher, Lila, and finally Sisky.

Then…it’s over.

The discomfort of the hot, crowded auditorium, the worry of tripping on stage as they hand you your degree – it’s all gone.

We all split up right afterwards to find our families; me dragging Melly along to meet my mum.

“Wait,” she stops me, tugging on my hand. I give her a questioning look. “Do I look okay?” I smile.

“You look the same as you always do,” I tell her. “Beautiful, Mels,” I assure her. She tries to fight a smile, but then lets it go and squeezes my hand.

“Mum,” I call, and she turns around to face us. She gives me a tight hug and a ‘we miss you back home,’ which makes me feel a bit guilty. “This is Melly,” I introduce.

“The famous Melly,” she says, smiling, reaching for Melly’s hand to shake. Melly smiles hesitantly, blushing. I’ve never seen her as shy as she is in this second. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” Melly replies, adding, “It’s great to finally meet you.” We talk for a little while in which my mum asks Melly questions, Melly blushes without reason, and I can only smile.

Melly soon excuses herself when she catches sight of her family.

“What do you think?” I ask hopefully. I don’t know why I want her approval.

“She’s very pretty,” my mum says, as I watch Melly walk away. I turn back to her to see she’s studying me. “I can see why you want to stick around. She seems like a sweet girl.”

“Melly’s amazing,” I reply. “But she’s not the only reason I’m staying.”

“Oh?” she asks.

“I…can’t be who you and dad want me to be,” I say, what I should’ve said a long time ago. “I want to do music. That’s it.” I wait for her to say something, because I’m feeling guilty again.

“Michael. Whatever you decide…we’re proud of you. Don’t you know that?” I automatically hug her, because I know she means it, even if my dad doesn’t feel the same.

“How is…everyone?” I ask. I hadn’t been expecting my siblings to come along – they’re all still in school. I had been hoping that my dad would come, though, so I could show him how great Melly is. But he didn’t, and I guess deep down, I wasn’t really expecting him to, either.

“Everyone is fine. I’m sorry your father couldn’t come. He had business…” I shrug. I don’t know if I believe her, but it’s not like it would change anything.

“Chizzy!” I turn at the sound of Sisky calling me and see him and Mike waving me over to take pictures with everyone.

“Go on,” my mum smiles. “Have fun with your friends. I’m a bit jet-lagged. We’ll have lunch tomorrow and talk.” I hug her goodbye, and as much as I act like I don’t, I realize I miss home, a little bit.

“Here,” she says, handing me an envelope when we let go.

“What is it?” I ask, but she just motions for me to open it. I rip it open carefully, finding a check written to me for a sum of money that makes my eyes go wide. “Mum…”

She smiles lightly at my shock.

“I know you don’t want to come home, but use some of that to come visit as soon as you can. Your brothers and sisters miss you.”

I can only hug her again.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Once all our parents are done mingling with each other and start to leave (my mum going to stay with one of her cousins for the week who lives in the suburbs) we head to mine, Mike, and William’s apartment for some drinks.

Victoria is here this time, along with Jack, and its obvious that we’re all relieved that there’s no more tension between any of us.

“Old times’ sake?” Sisky suddenly suggests, pulling a handle of rum from a brown paper bag.

Some of us groan, myself included, I can’t tell who else– maybe all of us.

“We just graduated. Do you really wanna the kill the mood?” Mike points out.

“Can we talk about something not depressing for once?” William agrees.

“Me and Michael went skinny dipping in the lake last fall,” Melly offers conversationally, before taking her shot.

“That’s nothing,” Jack interrupts eagerly. “Me and Victoria-” She silences him with an elbow to the ribcage. “Never mind.” Everyone else stares at the four of us strangely before I burst out in laughter.

“Who’s next?” Melly inquires, while I try to stop laughing because no one understands what she’s doing.

“Next?” William asks.

“You said not depressing. So say something not depressing,” she clarifies.

“Mike dared me to streak across the quad in December for parent’s weekend, and I did it.”

“We know, Sisky,” Lila rolls her eyes while everyone else laughs at the memory. “Everyone and their mother saw.”

“That was you?!” Jack demands, reaching across the table to slap Sisky a high five while Victoria just shakes her head at him.

“Hey, do you remember that one show where Michael tripped on his amp and totally wiped out on stage?” Mike asks, and even I have to laugh at the memory.

“Remember when Sisky had that weird haircut that made him look like he had a dead ferret on his head?”

“What about when I dressed up like that shitty clown for Halloween?” Mike joins in.

“What about when my dad boned your mom?”

“Yeah! So hot,” Butcher encourages Sisky.

“You two are idiots,” Lila interrupts, rolling her eyes.

“Remember when Mike nailed Sisky in the eye with that water bottle?”

“Remember when I broke my arm?”

“…no.”

“Remember when I poured Mountain Dew all over that kid’s face?”

This goes on for quite awhile longer until everyone starts leaving, still laughing from memories of all the dumb things we’ve done the past four years.

William and Mike retire to their bedroom across the hall from mine, and I pull Melly into mine.

She sheds her outer layers, pulling on one of my tshirts to sleep in and then getting under my covers.

I turn the lights out and join her, immediately pulling her body to mine and kissing her.

“Do you think things will be different now?” she asks hesitantly, after a few minutes.

“Yeah,” I answer honestly, playing with a loose strand of her dark hair. “But not in a bad way.”

“I hope not,” she says, says what I’m thinking.