Glitter Bug

"Mikey?" I heard my brother's voice ask.

I couldn't see him, but I could tell. I mean, it would be quite bad if I couldn't tell my brothers voice from anyone else's.

"What?" I snapped.

I'm not in the mood for talking, not even to my brother. Jess has gotten me so confused.

"Jeez man, calm it. We have a show to play and I am not having it ruined because my baby brother is acting like some love-sick puppy." He said, harshly.

"I'm not going to ruin the show, and I'm not love-sick. Or a puppy for that matter." I mumbled.

"Then why are you hiding in the restroom eyy?" He laughed, all harshness gone.

"I'm... erm. Hiding from some people." I muttered.

"Two females by the names of Jessica and Alicia." He smirked.

"Maybe." I groaned. "What the hell do I do? I feel mean to Alicia because she's... she's..."

"A two-faced backstabbing bitch?" He offered, ungraciously.

"She's not!" I cried indignantly.

Was she? I'd never really thought that much of her. She was just... there. A constant in my ever changing life. Maybe that was why I always went back to her. Not because I loved her. Because I could count on her to be there when I was worried. Not that she'd provide much comfort, she'd laugh in my face and tell me to grow up and get on with it...And there were all the men she'd sworn had been lying when they said she'd slept with them. Was it her that was lying? At the time I hadn't even thought... not for one moment that it was her who'd lied. Not my Alicia... or was she mine?

"I thought so." Gerard smirked, laughing at my realization. "Not being harsh Mikes but she's slept with half the crew. Not to mention the fans... I'm sorry you only just realized, but I wasn't planning on ruining your life."

"Ruining my life? What life have I got Gee? My girlfriend is a whore, who doesn't love me. The one person I have always loved turns up and won't talk to me. Right before the last show of the tour. Right..." I yelled.

"Jess won't talk to you because she thinks you love Alicia, she loves you and thinks you don't love her back. You need to tell her. But not now, wait till after the show. I'll make sure she stays backstage." He said calmly. He could give Tori a run for her money in the calm department.

"Ok." I muttered and stalked out of the restroom.

It was then that I found myself face to face with Jess.



I stood staring transfixed at Mikey.

What have I been missing out on all these years I've been in England...

My best friends.
A possible boyfriend.
In one word- Happiness.

Everything I don't have anymore.

I have friends, Hollie is probably my only best friend. But look what a good best friend I've been. If I'd only told her about my past... she'd have understood. I just couldn't trust her myself.

If I'd have told her it would have been definite. Saying it out loud would have meant accepting it. Accepting it was something I haven't been able to do since I came here. It was also something I should have done years and years ago.

"Mikey I-" I started but he cut me off.

"Jess I'm sorry. I need to talk to you, but we don't have time now. Wait for me after the show? I need to tell you everything so bad, but if you leave I know this time I'll never see you again, and I can't face my heart being broken again. Promise me you'll stay?" He said hurridly.

"Uhh, I promise." I said.

I needed to say so much more. But I knew it'd have to wait.

"You can stay backstage. If you don't want to listen to us play, there's a room back there for family members." He said.

I opened my mouth to protest, I'm not his family.

"You are my family." he said matter-o'-factly.

I guess I said that out loud.

He grinned.

"I'm not losing you again." He said, and with that he bent down to my face level...