A Dustland Fairytale

“Your words say split, but your words they lie – cuz when we kiss, fire.” – Bruce Springsteen

I returned home late on Sunday night, meaning I got little sleep before school the next morning, but I didn’t care. I could usually function on almost no sleep, though I knew I’d have trouble staying awake in physics that morning. As usual, I arrived at school with almost no time before my first class started. I walked through the courtyard and noticed Juliet talking to Charity. The cheerleader had a smug smile on her face, her arms crossed as she listened to Juliet. Her shoulders were slouched; Juliet was obviously not happy.

I wasn’t sure what Charity was talking about, but I knew it couldn’t be good. Nothing that manipulating girl said or did could ever be good. Juliet was probably in trouble, but I knew she wouldn’t want me stepping in to help. Actually, I’d probably make things worse.

Charity turned around and started walking towards me, pushing her long hair over her shoulder and swinging her hips in an irritating way. “Hello, Dean,” she said politely, a smile on her face. I ignored her and continued walking across the courtyard, grinning despite Charity and what was surely her attempt to ruin people’s lives.

Juliet was sitting on a stone bench, biting her fingernail. Her eyes were focused on the ground and her hair hung in her face. She looked stressed out and worried – like too many things were going on in her life, it was all building up and she couldn’t handle it. My smile faltered but I kept it on my face, determined to look confident like always. It was a habit I’d started when I still lived in New York, and I couldn’t seem to let go of it. I smiled when other people were sad, hoping it would cheer them up. It rarely worked, but I did it anyways.

Juliet looked up when I was still a few feet away. She was frowning, and she didn’t smile when she saw me. Instead she said, “Who are we kidding?” I stopped, the smile now gone from my face. I didn’t understand what she was talking about and was going to ask her when she spoke again. I watched her, my lips pressed together in a frown. “This is never going to work. Charity’s threatening to tell her mom about us, and then my mom will find out – unless I set her up with Hunter. It’s only a matter of time before someone tells their parents, who will tell my parents, and then I’ll be dead.”

She stopped talking about I was going to tell her she was crazy, that she shouldn’t let some bitch like Charity push her around and so what if her parents knew – so what if the whole world knew. But I didn’t say anything because Juliet shook her head and said, “No, they wouldn’t kill me; they’d send me to live with my cousins in Washington.”

Her gaze fell to the ground so that I couldn’t read her expression, but I knew she had nothing else to say. “You know, your parents don’t know anything about me,” I said. Her parents had no idea that Stacy was part of the same ridiculous country club that everyone else around here was part of. They had no idea that I might dress like a rebel without a cause, but I could be just like Hunter if I wanted. They had no idea that I could be a perfect gentleman if I wanted to – and Juliet didn’t know this, either. “They know I wear a leather jacket and I drive a motorcycle. They know I don’t care what other people think of me, and that’s why they don’t like me.”

Juliet continued to stare at the ground, refusing to look up at me. This couldn’t possibly be what she wanted. If she felt the same way I did, then she thought about me most of the time, wanted to be with me when she wasn’t, and wanted to be happy together. She couldn’t possibly tell me she never wanted to see me again – and if she did, she was lying.

Juliet shook her head, her wavy blond hair drifting as she did. “We can’t do this,” she said. Her voice was weak, hollow, and entirely without determination. She couldn’t even look me in the eye and tell me she didn’t want to be with me. She was lying through her teeth, but I would never get her to admit it.

“You can’t do this,” I said, letting my voice grow harsh. I let my frustrations out on her, even though I knew I shouldn’t. “You don’t have faith in this. Did you ever think if your parents knew a little more about me, they wouldn’t hate me so much?” She remained silent, staring at the ground beneath my feet. “Go ahead. Set Charity up with Hunter. You can’t keep everyone quiet forever. But hey, if you stop talking to me in public, at least you’ll keep your reputation. I didn’t think it was that important to you, but I guess I was wrong.” She let her head fall even more, resting her forehead in her hand.

“See you later, Juliet,” I said. I turned and walked away, but realized I had more to say to her. I couldn’t leave after that; I had more stones to throw. I walked back towards her, stopping closer to her than I had before. “You know,” I said, “my parents are forcing me to go to this dumb party thing at some country club in November. I was gonna ask if you wanted to come with me, but I guess it would damage your reputation.”

That time I did walk away, leaving Juliet alone with her head in her hands. I knew I’d regret speaking to her so harshly, but I couldn’t control my frustration. It was so difficult for me to wrap my mind around how much she cared about what other people though of her. I wanted to convince her that she needed to make herself happy – that when she was happy, other people would be happy for her. In my mind this was obvious. It was logical. Apparently Juliet didn’t think the same way I did, and I respected her for that, but at the same time, it really drove me crazy.