Fearing Death

“Oh, so fancy.” Jordyn wiggled her eyebrows as she hopped into her first-class seat beside Jon; he took the aisle so that she could take the window. “Sit!” She insisted excitedly as Jon loaded their carry-ons into the overhead compartment. Jon grinned as he took his seat, reclining his feet up as Jordyn rest against his side.

“Excited?” He asked, slinging his heavy arm around her shoulder. “Do you want a snack from your bag?”

“Yes to the excitement, no to the snack.” She giggled, pulling Jon’s phone out of his pocket and pressing the Bejeweled application. “Bet I can beat yours before we take off.” She taunted.

“Are you kidding? I spent the last four weeks mastering that game. If you beat my high score by the time we land, we can have cupcakes for breakfast tomorrow morning.” He gave her a half-smirk, making her mimic his expression right back to him.

“You’re on.” Jordyn grinned, folding her legs up under her body and sitting back in her chair, putting on her game-face as she concentrated. Jon let her get by for a whole two minutes before he pounced. “Stop! You’re cheating! You’re cheating!” She wailed as he tickled her mercilessly. She squirmed in her seat and Jon tossed his head back with a laugh as she all but bear-hugged him to keep him still and his arms at his side, making her believe she could muscle him down. “Deal’s off if you’re going to cheat!” She laughed. Jon simply smiled and leaned forward to sweetly kiss her cheek. He was just so thankful that he was able to even have these moments with her after the accident.

“Fine, fine, deal’s still on, I won’t cheat.” Jon insisted, pulling her into his lap as they waited for the rest of the plane to board. Several people passed by and no one seemed to take notice of the young captain and his daughter. Jon looked up from his watch to see Jordyn blushing and glancing away from the other side of the aisle. Jon looked over and his eyes instantly narrowed at the young boy who was sitting in the back row of the first class section, his iPod in his ears and his neck craned as he tried to catch a glimpse of Jordyn again. “Hey Bejewled queen, beat my score.” He attempted to gain her attention again. Jordyn’s cheeks flushed an even deeper pink as she ducked her head under Jon’s chin and settled in for more gaming.

“When can I get my own cell phone?” She asked a few minutes later, just as the plane was ascending.

“Not any time soon.” Jon replied, cracking open his Gatorade and taking a few sips before she held her hand out for it from her seat as she was strapped in tight into her seat.

“I kno-ow, but when?” She asked, swinging her feet as she paused her game, looking up at him and working her ‘big blue eyes’ angle.

“We’ll talk about it when you go to high school.” He said in a final tone.

“Can I get this kind?” She asked, brandishing his iPhone above her lap, tilting her head.

“We’ll talk about it when you go to high school.” He repeated, making her sigh and slump her shoulders as she returned to her game. “Hey.” He said, grabbing her attention as she gave him a sour look. “Right here.” He tapped his cheek. She sighed, stretching in her chair and leaning over to kiss his cheek, making him grin. She smiled to herself as she focused on her game again.

“Hello level twelve.” She sang to herself.

“You’re lying.” Jon insisted, peering over to check her progress.

“Nuh-uh-uh!” She giggled, turning her shoulders so her back was to the window and his view was of the back of his phone. “What time will we get to the city?” She asked, tilting her head, but not breaking her gaze from the screen.

“Around one, we’re meeting my friend Sidney for lunch with his fiancé then head out for a night on the town.” He winked, making Jordyn giggle.

“Sidney is the captain Penguin, right? That’s what Abby told me.” Jordyn said, taking a piece of BubbleYum from her pocket as her ears began to pop, something Brian Campbell taught her on one of her first Blackhawk flights. “The one with the big butt?” She added, making Jon’s face burst into a bright pink.

“Abby said that to you?” He laughed, to which Jordyn nodded. “Well, yes, that’s him. We’ve played together a few times, he’s a really good guy. You’ll like him.” Jon insisted. “And I’ve met his fiancé a few times, she’s really nice too.” He finished.

“Are you ever going to get married? Get a fiancé?” Jordyn asked, pausing her game and settling the phone in her lap as she looked up at him curiously.

“Why would I ever need one of those? I’ve got all the girls I need in my life.” He teased, nudging her shoulder with his. Jordyn grinned, setting her head on his shoulder and not minding as much if he could see her screen.

She was going to beat him, anyways.

The plane ride wasn’t long at all, and soon, they were at their luggage carousel, picking up their small, shared suitcase. Jon pulled his phone from his pocket, and yes, Jordyn had beaten his score by a whopping fifteen points.

“Calling me?” Jordyn immediately squared herself away behind Jon’s waist as a stranger approached them. This was nothing new and she knew exactly what Jon wanted her to do.

“Hey, buddy.” Jon grinned, embracing the stranger tightly for a few moments.

“How was the flight?” The man asked, grinning like a little kid with a ball cap pulled down over his eyes just like Jon usually had.

“Nice and short.” Jon replied with a curt nod. “Sid, this is my daughter, Jordyn.” Jon said, placing a firm hand on Jordyn’s shoulder as he introduced her. “Jord, this is Sidney, a good friend of mine.” He added.

“Hi.” Jordyn blushed, her small hand lost in his as she shook it softly.

“Hey Jordyn, are you ready for the game tomorrow night?” He asked with a wide grin. Jordyn felt comforted by his presence and nodded as she leaned into Jon’s thigh as he rest his hand on her head.

“Penguins are my favorite.” She blushed again. “I got a jersey for Christmas.” She added.

“That’s great, we can always use support on the road.” He smiled as they walked from the baggage area out to the parking lots. “But I bet the Blackhawks are your favorite, huh?” He asked with a big, wide smile that showed off all of his teeth.

“Yes. My Dad’s the captain of the team.” She said, tugging on Jon’s hand gently.

“So I’ve heard.” Sidney grinned. “Well April is around here somewhere with the car.” He laughed. “Were you thinking anywhere in particular for lunch?” He asked as he finally spotted the black Range Rover.

“We were thinking somewhere in Times’ Square, y’know, let Jord see the sights.” Jon said, holding her hand tightly and lifting her up off of her feet to avoid a puddle, making her giggle as he dangled her in the air by her one hand before setting her back down on the pavement.

“You think it would be easier to park this beast in such a big parking lot!” Sidney’s fiancé, April laughed as she slapped the car before popping the truck open. “Hey Jon.” She greeted him with a big hug. “This must be Jordyn.” She smiled warmly, making Jordyn nod before she could be pulled into a tiny squeeze from the nice lady. “Well I don’t know about you three, but I’m ready to get my food on.” She laughed wholeheartedly as Sidney loaded the suitcase and Jordyn’s backpack into the back of the car.

“How about we drop your bags at the hotel and catch a cab over to the Olive Garden in Times’ Square? It would be terrible to drive and even attempt to find a parking spot.” Sidney insisted.

“Sounds like a plan to me!” April grinned, combing her finger through her honey-brown hair and pulling it up into a ponytail. The city was warm as Sidney drove the rental through the traffic rather expertly.

Leaving their bags and the car at the hotel, they were quick to realize that it made even more sense to walk to Times’ Square than pay for a cab, seeing as it was only a few blocks away. Jordyn held Jon’s hand excitedly as they passed the bright storefronts and huge advertisements.

“Here, baby, where’s the camera? We’ll take some pictures of the guests.” April asked Sidney. Jon and Jordyn paused, and Jon immediately crushed Jordyn into his side as April began snapping away with the camera of the two with Times’ Square in the background.

They took lots of touristy photos and April captured a rather cute moment of Jordyn on Jon’s back as he pointed something out to her in the distance, a profile shot that looked as if it belonged in a travel magazine.

“They’re so cute.” April grinned up at Sidney as he laced his fingers with hers while they trailed behind the Toews family. Sidney swung their intertwined hands between them before leaning down to kiss her lips softly. “I can’t wait to see you with our kids.” She giggled as his cheeks flushed red.

“Um! Sidney! Where do we go from here?!” Jordyn called as she shimmied her way off of Jon’s back, but his hand quickly caught hers, there was no way she was getting away from him, especially not in the heart of Manhattan.

“To the right baby girl!” April called, using her free hand to point around the block.

“Okay!” Jordyn called, speeding up as soon as she saw the giant M&M’s marquee. Jon laughed and followed her obediently, tightening his grip on her hand as he saw the four-story, all glass Olive Garden not a block away.

“Candy after lunch.” Jon insisted. “And maybe FAO Schwartz.” He grinned as she shimmied excitedly at the mention. They had walked through it the first time they came to New York but had to hurry back to the hotel before Jordyn could pick anything out to buy.

“So are you guys going to win tomorrow night?” Jordyn asked with a tilt of her head as she shared a breadstick with Jon, dipping it in the small puddle of salad dressing on her plate. The small group was seated right away and got a window table on the fourth floor that overlooked the city.

“We hope to.” Sidney grinned. “I’d hate to disappoint you at your first Penguins game.” He added as he grabbed one end of the breadstick she held out to him. They both pulled and ripped it in half before they both began snacking.

“When are you guys getting married?” She asked, glancing at April’s big, beautiful ring that sat proudly on her finger.

“In August.” April smiled warmly as Sidney rest his hand on her knee under the table.

“Are you going to have kids?” Jordyn asked, making Jon cough and give Sidney and apologetic smile.

“We plan on it.” April grinned.

“That’s good.” Jordyn smiled in return as the waiter returned with their entrees. Jordyn looked down into her plate of stuffed chicken and noodles excitedly before looking over to Jon’s steak with caramelized butter over four-cheese pasta. “This is my new favorite place. Is there one at home?” She asked.

“You know it.” Jon nodded, cutting up a piece of his steak before stabbing it on his fork and holding it up to Jordyn’s mouth. She screwed up her face and shook her head before he gave her a stern look. “Try it.” He insisted. It seemed all Jordyn ever ate was chicken and sushi; he needed to start sneaking more red meat into her diet. During Jon’s accident, Jordyn lost a significant amount of weight and was now more than fifteen pounds lighter than where her pediatrician told her she needed to be. She hesitantly took the small piece of steak in her mouth, causing both April and Sidney to laugh at the way she grimaced and swallowed it down with a sour expression. “Oh cut it out.” Jon laughed. “It’s good!”

“I’ll stick with my bird.” She insisted, twirling some noodles around her fork. The two couples parted after lunch once they reached the hotel with promises to meet up again the next night. April would be sitting with Jon and Jordyn in the owner’s box and promised to bring along her camera again.

After a long nap, Jordyn woke Jon around four, jumping on the bed and begging him to take her to FAO Schwartz. Leaving with a new, impossibly soft, yellow chenille teddy bear that was perfect for cuddling, Jon and Jordyn departed the mega-store. Jordyn also insisted that Jon get the miniature version of her bear, only a few inches tall and blue, but the same bear nonetheless that would look rather nice on his big bed when it was made.

A quick run through the candy store and they exited with two bags of pretzel M&M’s as well as a caramel apple to split on the walk back to the hotel.

“Good trip so far, huh? Did you like Sidney and April?” Jon asked as their hands swung between them once again, Jon holding the bags as Jordyn nibbled on the apple.

“Yes and yes, Sidney and April are really nice. April’s funny.” Jordyn smiled up at Jon as the city grew darker with the night, but brighter from the marquees. “And Abby was right.” She added.

“What’s that?” Jon asked.

“Sidney does have a big butt.”

•••

“How do I look?” Jordyn asked as she bounced out of the bathroom in her little jersey the hem of her shorts not visible from under the powder-blue hem.

“You look good, but I gotta say, you look better in red.” He teased. “But it’s nice, are you almost ready to go?” He asked. Jordyn nodded as she brushed her hair back from her face neatly with Jon’s comb that he always kept in his back pocket. “Your hair is getting so long.” He noted now that it tumbled in straight tresses down to her shoulder blades.

“I know, I might cut it soon.” She shrugged casually as she pulled on her sunshine-yellow low-top converse.

“Let’s go, we can get there in time to get a greasy hot dog and some cotton candy.” Jon insisted. They walked to Madison Square Garden and beat the rush to avoid any Toews spotting in the concourse. After purchasing a big hot dog, a chicken strip dinner with fries, two sodas, and a bag of popcorn later, equaling out to a nice twenty-eight dollars, they made their way up to the box.

“Hey there, Toews.” Jon was greeted shortly after they set their goodies on the small shelf in front of their seats, two in the front row of the boxes’ section. Jon turned and quickly put on his business-face as Mario Lemieux greeted him. “Sidney told me you were coming tonight."

“Good to see you again, Mario.” Jon shook his hand firmly.

“You didn’t need to get all that, we could have gotten you real food up here.” Mario laughed as he took in their smorgasbord of arena food.

“I don’t mind, besides, my girl likes it.” Jon laughed as Jordyn hopped up at his mention of her.

“The infamous Ms. Toews.” Mario grinned.

“I’m Jordyn.” She stuck out her hand to Mario, making him grin as he shook it. “Who’re you?”

“Jord, this is Mr. Lemieux, he owns the Penguins.” Jon introduced her. “Mario, this is my daughter, Jordyn Rose.” He finished, using the middle name that they picked out together seeing as she wasn’t given one at birth.

“Did you play hockey?” Jordyn asked as she popped a French fry into her mouth while Jon took a sip of his pop.

“Yes, for many years.” Mario replied.

“For the Penguins?” She asked again, making Jon grin. She always grew inquisitive when she met people that piqued her interest.

“Yes ma’am.” He nodded again with an amused grin.

“Were you as good as my Dad?” She asked, making the tips of Jon’s ears turn bright red and Mario chuckle.

“I tried my hardest.” He countered. Jordyn paused for a moment, giving him the once over before picking up her basket.

“Want a French fry?” Mario laughed and snagged a small fry as Jordyn took to her seat again, watching as the teams came out to warm up.

Jon couldn’t remember the last time he got to relax and watch a hockey game, truth be told, if Jordyn hadn’t been there, he’d probably be actively watching, noting mistakes, keeping track of plus/minuses and whatnot. But she settled herself in his lap in the seats as he sat next to Mario. He laughed at the way they held casual conversation while watching the game.

“See Sidney? Watch the way he’s about to skate back up to the blue line, and wait for the pass…” Over the next few minutes, Jordyn slowly made the transition from sitting in Jon’s lap to wiggling her way onto Mario’s knee. Jon almost envied the way she got to learn about the game from one of the greats, but at the same time, couldn’t be more proud about the interest she was taking in the sport that his life damn near revolved around.

Before they knew it, the Penguins had won over the Rangers six to three and Jon was carrying Jordyn on his hip down to the locker room where they would meet up with April and Sidney, April who at the last moment decided to sit with a very pregnant Veronique Fleury.

“How was it?” She bubbled walking up to the pair to see Jordyn resting her head tiredly on Jon’s shoulder, his strong arms holding her securely.

“Good, someone is very tired. But I promised her dessert, so she better wake up soon.” Jon laughed as Jordyn tried to perk up at his statement. Soon, the lounge was flooded with freshly showered players that were surprisingly eager to meet Jordyn who for the most part, tucked herself away behind Jon’s waist.

Jordyn blushed terribly as Sidney introduced her to Kris Letang who smiled down at her in a friendly fashion.

“Such a charmer.” Max Talbot laughed while and awkward Kris blushed as well. They parted from Madison Square Garden with lots of promises to reunite with new friends as well as old.

“I have a surprise for you.” Jon grinned as they made it up to their hotel room. “Go in the bathroom, and change into what you find in there.” He patted her into the luxurious restroom. Jordyn gave him an odd look but obeyed nonetheless. He heard her excited squeal as he began to change as well, making sure he was finished pulling on the dress pants and button-up shirt by the time she flounced out of the bathroom.

“Where did you find it?” She asked, twirling in her purple satin dress complete with an ivory braid, the same dress she had picked out with Abby for the Dad/Daughter dance, and also the same dress she returned to the store with Abby a few days later.

“I had a little help.” He smiled at how pretty she looked. “Shoes are in the suitcase.” He nodded towards the black luggage as he pulled on his black socks and shiny dress shoes. He assisted her as best as he could to put her rhinestone barrette in her hair before he could take his hand in hers and led her to the elevator.

“Where are we going?” She asked as he hit the button for the plaza level. Jon gave her a grin but kept quiet as the elevator dinged down twenty-five floors to the main level. He held her hand and led her into the hotel’s restaurant. Tables had been cleared and moved, paper lanterns and been hung and music was softly playing when they arrived.

“I didn’t want you to miss out on your Dad/Daughter dance entirely.” He smiled gently before she could throw her arms around his middle, hugging him tightly. Jon swept her away off her feet to the middle of the dance floor.

There are places I remember, all my life though some have changed. Some forever not for better, some have gone and some remain.

Jordyn’s toes rest on the toes of Jon’s shiny shoes, he didn’t care that they would scuff, but he liked the way they could sway together as her head rested low on his chest.

“Hey, hey, what’s with the tears?” He asked, noticing that his shirt had a small damp spot.

“It’s just… everything is so perfect… I’m scared that one day I’ll wake up and everything will be gone, you’ll be gone.” She whispered up to him, eyes swimming with unshed tears.

“Never.” Jon shook his head. “You deserve all of this Jordyn, every bit. I wish you knew how proud you make me, and how much joy you bring me each and every day.” He smiled, willing himself to keep his eyes from burning.

“I don’t ever want this to end.” She said, resting her head back against him, gripping her hand into his just a bit more as he pulled her closer to his body with the arm around her slim waist.

All these places have their moments, with lovers and friends I still can recall. Some are dead and some are living, in my life I've loved them all.

“It never will, Jordyn. I just want you to know, that whatever comes in the future, it’s always been me and you, and it will always bee me and you.” He assured her gently as he softly twirled them around the floor as best he could. “We’re a pair you and I.” He added with a whisper.

But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one compares with you. And these memories lose their meaning, when I think of love as something new.

“You don’t wish you did anything differently?” She asked, mumbling softly as she got the last of her tears and sniffles out.

“I only have one regret.” He stated, softly brushing his hand down her silky hair.

“What’s that?” Jordyn asked apprehensively.

“I wish I would have found you earlier.”

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them - in my life I love you more. In my life I love you more.