Our Goodbyes

Stopping at the front of the agency she had once entered no more that six months ago, Ella prayed that she would get the answers she was looking for. She wondered if Wyatt would be in the very building.

Ella sighed and gathered up all her courage to open the door. Once inside, she was greeted by little kids running around chasing each other and babies crying. The atmosphere felt hectic but at the same time joyous with the children running around and laughing.

"Can I help you?" a woman, who was busy trying to feed a baby, asked when she spotted Ella looking around.

"Uh, yeah, I'm looking for Ms. Anna Vance," she stumbled over her words. She felt a small rise in her chest as she examined the baby in the woman's hands and then felt it go back down when she realized that it couldn't be Wyatt because the baby was a girl.

The woman sighed and motioned for Ella to follow her. Stopping at a familiar wooden door, the woman knocked at the door and told Anna that there was someone there to see her. The woman then told Ella that she could go in and left Ella standing in front of the wooden door.

Slowly entering, Ella was face to face with Anna, who had not once looked up from her laptop since Ella entered the room. Ella coughed to inform the busy woman of her presence and waited for a response.

"I'll be with you in a-Ella?" Anna asked surprised. She got up from her chair and took off her glasses. "I didn't expect to see you," the older woman said and walked over to Ella, who stood in front of her desk awkwardly, and gave her a small hug.

"I-I wanted to talk you."

Anna nodded her head and motioned for Ella to take a seat. "Is this about Wyatt?" she wondered as she sat down herself. Anna had a feeling that Ella was going to ask about her son. It was only a matter of time until Ella would step into her office. She knew that the young mother never really wanted to give up her baby.

Ella nodded. "I-I just want to know if he's okay," she pleaded. "Has he been adopted yet? Were they a good family?" Ella asked. A part of her didn't want to hear if her son had really been adopted or not, in fear of hearing the wrong answer.

Sighing tiredly, Anna rubbed her eyes and looked solemnly at Ella. Even though she had never met her son, Anna could tell how much she loved her son. It killed her to be the one to ruin her hopes.

"I'm sorry, but due to the agreement that you signed, I'm not allowed to disclose any information about Wyatt. You signed a closed adoption agreement," she reminded Ella sadly. Anna could see the sadness that was befalling on Ella, it broke her heart. She looked at her computer and then at Ella. "But, I can make an exception," she said hesitantly and watched Ella's face brighten. "Wyatt hasn't been adopted yet, now before you start asking me where he is, he's here, but I won't say anything else. I'm not allowed to, although, you are allowed to look around on the basis that you are planning to adopt," she said sneakily.

Ella got up quickly and grinned. "Thank you so much! Thank you!" she said and hugged Anna tightly. "I owe you so much."

"Just don't tell anyone, okay?"

Ella shook her hand enthusiastically. "I won't. You won't regret this, thank you so much," she said and bolted out the door to look for her son.

"Ella!" Anna called the young mother back. "Try checking the nursery," she suggested and winked.

Her heart began to beat louder and faster, she thought that it was about to burst open. The beating of her chest was so loud it almost blocked out the children's giggling and laughing. Ella wove around the toys, children and staff that were around the room as she searched for the nursery.

Finding a quieter area of the building, Ella thought that she was getting close to where the nursery would be. Opening the door, it creaked and she winced at the noise it made. Once inside, she noticed that there was a nurse sitting on the rocking chair, holding a pink bundle.

She smiled lightly at the nurse and proceeded inside. The room was big and spacious, rows of blue and pink cribs were lined up nicely. Ella looked at every single blue crib in hopes that she'd get some sort of maternal feeling for her baby. Or at least she hoped there were maternal feelings.

Ella walked over to the first blue crib closest to her and peered over to see an adorable baby sleeping soundly. There was no feeling. She moved on to the next one, still no feeling. Ella kept going until she reached the last crib and still, no feeling.

Placing her hands on the edge of the empty crib, Ella began to shake tears streaming down her face silently. It was hopeless; she was never going to know who her son was, what kind of mother was she?

"Dear, is something wrong?" the kind elderly nurse asked and placed a hand over Ella's shoulders.

Ella messily cleared her face of any stray nears and shook her head. "I-I don't think I was ever meant to be a mom," she said miserably.

The nurse smiled warmly at Ella and rubbed her back. "Why do you say that? I think that if you really want it, then you're meant to be a mother," the nurse explained and put the baby she was carrying back into her crib.

"I gave up my son a few months ago and I never got to meet him. I came here hoping to meet him, but I don't feel anything with these babies. I don't feel that maternal feeling you're supposed to have. I don't think I'm meant to be a mom," she rambled.

The nurse smiled sympathetically at Ella. Even the nurse, who never met Ella, had a feeling that she regretted giving up her child. "Just have patience, dear," the woman advised and picked up another baby.

Dejected, Ella nodded at the woman and smiled as best as she could. She couldn't take it anymore; Ella had to leave before she ended up looking like a mess in front of everyone and before she had a breakdown. Her heart broke, she had hoped to see Wyatt today, but she didn't feel a connection with any of the babies in the room.

Ella realised that she would never be able to see her son again and heavy tears began to flow down her face. On her way out the building, Ella passed another nurse carrying a baby in her arms. Ella's chest felt heavy, it was like someone had been hitting her chest over and over. Like a knife plunged into her heart, she walked out of the building.

Little did she know that the woman carrying the baby she passed by was her son.

*

The constant ringing of the phone was enough to wake Sid from his pre-game nap. He groaned and slammed his large hands over the phone. It stopped, only to start back again a few seconds later. Realizing that the person who kept on calling him wasn't going to give up, he answered.

"Hello?" he asked grumpily, thinking that the person who called better had a good reason for calling him or else there was going to be hell to pay.

"Sid?" Ella asked, her voice trembling and broken.

Suddenly feeling revitalized at the sound of Ella's distressed voice, Sid sat up straight, and he knew something was wrong. "Ella, what's wrong? Are you okay? Did something happen?"

"I couldn't feel it, Sid. I thought that I was supposed to have some sort of feeling for my own son. Some sort of bond and I felt nothing. I passed by every baby in the nursery and felt nothing and Anna said that he was there and that he hadn't been adopted yet," she explained and continued to sob.

"Go back," Sidney said simply. He wished he could be there for her, but obligations with the team had kept him tied to Pittsburgh, not to mention he had a game a few hours from now.

"What?"

"Go back. Ella you came all the way to New York to see your son. Go back. El, don't give up, if the woman said that he's there then he's there. Maybe you will feel something; its obvious that you love your son, that bond is there. Even I can see it. Take a deep breath and go back," he encouraged her.

Ella started to feel the courage she had lost earlier build up in her from what Sidney said to her. "Thank you, I love you so much."'