This Loneliness Is Killing Me

We had to drop off of the Dew Tour. We didn’t have much of a choice either. We were completely booked in between excessive interviews and training.

Luckily we still got to spend a good four/five months together without having to be apart from each other, and for the first time in years I got to celebrate my birthday properly.

Ashley wasn’t even there which made it that much better, even though she had been extremely tolerable lately. She definitely wasn’t as stuck up and tight assed as she used to be. She had chilled out a bit; which was nice.

She was definitely a lot easier to get a long with then she used to be, unfortunately Shaun was just as obsessed with her relationship with Mason. Whenever we found two seconds together it was to either complain about the two of them or how annoying having to answer the same questions all the time was.

It was really starting to make me nervous about how infatuated he was with them. I’m sure I had every reason to though. Sure he didn’t talk about them as excessively and in detail as before but he did talk about her enough to make it sound like he was still hung up on her and that made me nervous.

I was starting to get a bit scared that he would wind up running back to her or would start pushing me away until we would just break off everything so he could run back to her. It scared me a lot that this would happen.

No matter how many times I try to tell him this or how many times he told me I had nothing to worry about he never really tried to comfort me.

Even when he wasn’t talking about them I was still nervous, because the only times he wasn’t talking about them was when they were in the room, and even then Shaun would just stare at them angrily.

Today was his birthday though and I was just hoping it could be one day from the past two months where I wouldn’t have to worry about anything or have to talk about Ashley and Mason.

I turned over onto my side and looked over at the digital alarm clock next to our bed. 10.30.

This was definitely early for me and I sighed heavily knowing I wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep so I scavenged the floor for my underwear and bra like I usually did because Shaun couldn’t keep it in his pants, even if it was his birthday the next day.

I grabbed one of his random shirts that lay on the ground before putting it on, the shirt stopping at my mid thighs.

I climbed back in bed where Shaun had practically entangled himself loosely in the sheets… he was definitely a blanket hog,

I smiled lightly at him and tugged at the covers so I could get underneath them and climb on top of him, definitely taking note that he had his boxers on.

He didn’t even move or show any sign that he had slightly been woken up so I ran my freezing hand up and down his chest and abs, still receiving no response even though I knew he had now woken up slightly because his breathing wasn’t as deep and slow as it had been before.

I smiled and rolled my eyes before I kissed his neck softly and made my way up slowly to his lips.

He moaned softly as I pulled away, “Happy birthday babe.” I smiled, kissing his cheeks as he opened his eyes.

“I like waking up like this, a lot.” He smirked as he set one hand on my bare thigh and the other played with the hem of his shirt I was wearing.

“I’m sure you do.” I laughed lightly, “Like your magical appearing boxers by the way.” I joked as I snapped the elastic band.

“Had to go to the bathroom.” He smiled crookedly, “I prefer your magical appearing clothing a lot more.” He added as his thumb traced circles on the inside of my thigh and his other hand found its way under my shirt and on my bare waist.

“Nothing is going to happen.” I whispered in his ear.

“Why’s that? It’s my birthday, I think I should decide.”

“Because we had sex not even 10 hours ago.” I pointed out blatantly as I climbed off of him.

“Where are you going?” He asked slightly confused.

“Breakfast dude.” I laughed as I got out of the bed.

“Fine.” He sighed defeated as he climbed out of bed. “My shirt suits you by the way.” He smirked.

“I know; it’s like a dress.” I gushed as I rocked back and forth on my heels so that the shirt swung in a dress like motion.

I saw Shaun roll his eyes from my peripheral vision, “Alright, let’s go then.”

“Can I have a piggy back ride?” I joked.

“I suppose you could.” He laughed as he turned around so I could jump onto his back. “You comfortable? You’re not going to fall off?” He asked as he held on to me securely.

“I think I’m good.” I smiled as I kissed his cheek before he started making his way to the kitchen, walking down the stairs semi-cautiously so we wouldn’t fall.

“This is where you get off.” He stated as he bent down and dropped me off in the kitchen.

I fixed my shirt and made my way to the pantry to try and find something to eat.

“What do you want?” I asked him as he sat down on the far end of the island.

“You.” He replied almost instantly causing me to blush slightly.

Five years with him and he could still make me blush, even if it was on of the most inappropriate things he could think of or something really sweet.

“Ya, you wish.” I replied, “But I’m serious.” I added as I turned around to look at him.

“I am serious.” He replied with a smile as he rested his chin on his hand.

“Fine, cereal it is for you then.” I stated as I grabbed the Fruit Loops and slid them across the island to him before grabbing a bowl, a spoon and the milk.

“You don’t want any.” He pouted as I sat down on the chair that around the corner of the table where he was seated so I was still sitting next to him.

“You know I don’t like my cereal with milk.” I stated as I stuck my hand in the cereal box and took a handful of cereal.

“You’re strange.” He stated as he grabbed my legs and rested them on top of his before he poured some cereal into his bowl.

“I suppose so.” I stated as I ate each Fruit Loop piece by piece until none remained. “So, what did you want to do today?” I asked as I rested my elbow on the table so I could rest my head on my hand.

“Well, besides you, nothing really. Go to the beach maybe, I don’t know.”

“If I told you, you weren’t going to do me what would you say?”

“I’d call you a liar and I can see through your bluff.” He smirked as he took the carton of milk and set it on the counter top that he could reach without having to get up.

“No milk with your cereal today?” I laughed.

“Nah, not today.” He smiled before he moved my legs off of his and dragged my chair closer to him so he could easily take me off my chair and set me on his lap.

“And why not?” I smiled, kissing him lightly.

“Because I want you with my cereal.” He replied before he began to kiss my neck.

“Someone’s really frisky this morning.” I laughed.

“Generally am birthday morning, I’ve just haven’t actually woken up to a birthday morning with you, I always have to meet up with you at some birthday party in the late evening.” He replied simply as I adjusted myself so I was straddling him and rested my arms on his shoulders. “See, you want it just as bad.” He said in between kisses as he made his way up my neck and jaw line and to my lips.

“I guess, but I’m better at hiding it then you are.” I smiled as he pushed the cereal off the island before setting me down on the edge.

“Not for long.” He replied confidently as he stood up and wrapped his arms around my torso as my legs hooked around his waist.

“You’re going to have to clean up all that cereal.” I stated.

“I could care less.” He smiled before kissing me roughly and then deepening it as I moved further onto the island so he could climb on top.

“You know we have to eat on here, as do other people.” I laughed once we pulled away for air and Shaun began playing with the hem of my shirt.

“It’s not like we haven’t before.” He stated simply before he pulled off the shirt and discarded it recklessly onto the floor and kissing me roughly once again.