This Loneliness Is Killing Me

The beach definitely reflected well on how great today had been going so far. Not only for the morning sex, which was amazing; but we had been spending what felt like real time together for the past six hours, and not once did Ashley ever come up in conversation.

It was like before, when Ashley hadn’t walked back into our lives and began putting a strain on our relationship that I’m sure I only felt and hoped Shaun was starting to catch on.

The sun was shining brightly and the temperature was perfect. It was hot but there was that perfect breeze that swept through at the perfect time to keep you comfortable. The weather was absolutely gorgeous and just made today even better when we decided we wanted to go out and surf.

“You ok?” Shaun asked as he waved his hand in front of my face to stop me from continuing to drift off into space.

“Ya.” I smiled genuinely at him.

“You sure? You were pretty out of it. You’re thinking about something, now tell me about it.”

“I wasn’t thinking about anything.” I confirmed.

“Yes you were. I know you, something is bothering you or is making you nervous and you can’t get it off your mind, now tell the birthday boy what’s wrong.” He urged.

“Nothing, today’s just been really nice is all.” I replied genuinely as I rested my head on his shoulder.

“And time with me usually isn’t?” He asked slightly skeptically as he put his arm around my shoulder and started to trace some of my tattoo with his index finger.

“Well, it is, but lately all you can talk about is Ashley.” I confessed as I lifted my head off his shoulder and looked at him.

“I know.” He replied sincerely, “And I’m really sorry, but I want to talk about this, like, tomorrow. I don’t want to talk about her today; I want to just focus on you and be with you because I haven’t been doing that lately.” He smiled, causing me to smile back softly.

“You’re acting as if it’s my birthday today.” I joked.

He shrugged lightly before he kissed me softly, “If you’re happy that makes my birthday perfect.”

“You are cheesy.” I joked, shoving him lightly.

“Does that make up for my asshole behavior from the past two months?” He asked.

“For now I guess.” I smiled before I kissed him lightly and pushing him away from me when he deepened the kiss and crawled on top of me, “Can’t you keep it in your pants for more than a couple of hours?” I smiled as I kept my hand on his chest to keep him from kissing me again because I knew that if he did I wouldn’t be able to stop him or keep myself from not continuing.

“It’s my birthday, so it’s ok.” He replied with a lopsided grin.

“Well, ‘birthday boy’,” I started, using air quotations, “I don’t think you should have sex again for another, like, six hours.”

“Ya, you’re crazy if you think I’ll agree to that.”

“No, you’re crazy if you think you’re going to get lucky three times today.” I replied, causing Shaun to pout slightly.

“Maybe next year, Ging.” I joked.

“You did not just make fun of my hair.”

“I think I did.” I sang as I twirled a piece of his hair around my finger.

“Alright then.” He replied simply as he climbed off of me before he threw me over his shoulder.

“Shaun.” I whined as he made his way over to the water, “Shaun!” I shouted as he entered the water.

“I feel like swimming.” He stated simply, causing me to groan and roll my eyes.

“I give up.” I responded as I just let him haul me out to sea.

“Say you’re sorry.”

“For what?”

“Calling me Ging.” He demanded.

“Never.” I laughed before dropped me into the water, but somehow managing to catch me bridal style before I hit the water. “Oh, I hate you.” I mumbled as my arms found their way around his neck so I would have more support.

“I was going to bring you back to shore, but I change my mind now.” He smirked.

“No, Shaun, bring me back.” I demanded.

“Um, no. First you deny me sex, then you make fun of my hair, and now, you, my fiancée, hates me. I think I’ll dump you into the ocean, get even.” He smirked as he continued walking into deeper water.

“I’m sorry, there I said it, I’m sorry! Now bring me back to dry land!” I demanded.

“No, I accept you apology, but now it’s just because I wanna tick you off; plus, you look better wet.” He replied, as if his smirk could get any bigger.

“No, no, no, I said I was sorry!!” I replied, as I held onto him tighter.

“Too bad for you.” He smiled triumphantly before he dumped me into the water.

I almost instantly stood up and wrapped my arms around myself to keep me warm from the sudden change in temperature.

“Shaun Roger White, I really dislike you right now.” I murmured, staring at him angrily as he smiled triumphantly.

“Alison Alexandria Black, soon to be White,” He quietly added slyly, making me smile widely, “You’re a liar, you love me.” He sang with a triumphant smile, “See, I can use your full name too.” He laughed.

I smiled at him before laughing, “I can see that.” I joked as he half swam, half walked to me and wrapped his arms around me to keep me warm.

“Y’know, if you actually swam or remained in the water, you’d be a lot warmer.” He chuckled as I rested my head on his chest.

“That wouldn’t be a problem if you didn’t dump me into the ocean.” I pointed out.

“Very true, but you still love me anyway.”

“I love you, but it’s not why I’m with you.”

His smile dropped, “Why then?”

“Well clearly it’s because you have a really nice ass.” I joked as I grabbed his ass.

“Whoa, dude!” Shaun freaked, clearly not expecting and grabbing my hands instinctively and moving my hands away. “Hands to yourself, what if I told you I loved you most for your chest?” He laughed.

“It’d make us equally as shallow and I’d be ok with that.” I replied with a smile before Shaun kissed me softly, “I love you.” I smiled.

Shaun smiled at me, and for what felt like the first time in months Shaun told me he loved me too. It had been so long that I’ve heard him say that, that it caught me off guard, but it made me just as happy to hear him say that then the day he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me.

But it made me nervous and scared too. I was nervous and scared that his feelings towards me would change; that my fear of him hurting me and one day realizing he doesn’t love me back anymore would actually become a reality.