This Loneliness Is Killing Me

“Are you really serious about that dude?” Alex asked after I had told her about the minor fight Shaun and I had had a couple of days ago.

“Well, ya. I mean, I’m not considering just breaking it off with him, like, I haven’t put any thought into it, but I had put thought into possibly doing that. If that makes sense.” I replied with a light laugh.

“You can’t do that though! You two were, like, meant for each other. You guys just belong together; you can’t break off the whole wedding thing. I mean; do you even know how much you would kill him if you did that? Even if it were just to go back to being boyfriend/girlfriend, you’d absolutely destroy him. And not only that, but you’d be just as upset too. You know that’s true too. You’d be just as heart broken.”

“I know, and that’s why I’m not going to do that. Plus, he hasn’t mentioned Ashley in almost a week. She was all he could ever talk about and I think that the possibility of me calling off the wedding kinda gave him a wake up call.” I explained.

“Good, because he shouldn’t be so infatuated with another girl when he’s engaged.” She replied.

“I know; anyway, I gotta jet. Shaun’s parents are coming over to dinner along with mine. Shaun said he wanted our parents to actually meet properly.” I laughed.

“Haven’t they met already?” Alex asked, slightly shocked.

“Ya, they have, but they haven’t in the way that soon they’ll become family, y’know what I mean?”

“Oh, alright, makes sense. Good luck then.” She replied, and even though I couldn’t see her I knew she was smiling.

“Thanks, good luck meeting Luke and Jack’s parents next week.” I added.

“Thanks, I’ll need it. Bye.” She replied happily before we both hung up.

I sighed lightly and stood up off the bed and walked up to the full-length mirror that stood at the corner of our room.

I looked at myself and questioned how I let Shaun talk me into wearing a dress. It was a simple black dress though. Nothing fancy. It stopped just below my mid thigh and was strapless and had a corset like top half. I didn’t like it though. It wasn’t me and I felt like I was showing off too much skin, I hated it.

I saw Shaun walk into the bedroom from the reflection in the mirror as he walked up behind me and hugged me from behind and kissed my bare shoulder.

He looked at me in the mirror before speaking, “You look really nice.” He complimented.

“I hate it. Why am I wearing a dress Shaun?” I pouted as I tried to pull up my dress so I wouldn’t feel like my boobs were popping out.

“Because you love me dearly and because our parents asked that it be a slightly formal dinner because it’s a weird engagement dinner.” Shaun laughed.

“Ugh, you are so lucky I love you as much as I do, Shaun White.” I smiled.

I had missed this, a lot. I missed having lighthearted conversations with him and telling him I loved him and hearing him say it back to me. I missed all of this and knowing why I agreed to marry him, I missed not having Ashley around; everything was perfect before she came around.

“I know I am.” He smiled before kissing my cheek and grabbing my left hand in his, “And I’m lucky enough that you decided to give me a second chance.”

“You really are Shaun, because no other girl would’ve stuck with you as long as I did and then decide to give you another chance.” I replied seriously.

“I know, and I’m sorry.” He replied.

“Apology accepted.” I smiled before turning around and kissing him lightly as the doorbell rang.

“Guessing your parents have arrived.” Shaun laughed.

“Or maybe yours have?” I asked.

“Nah, it’s only 6.30, my parent won’t be here ‘til 7.00.” Shaun smiled.

I rolled my eyes and made my way downstairs to open the door. I smiled when I saw my parents on the other side of the door and I hugged them tightly as Shaun stood behind me awkwardly.

It was strange, one moment he’s calm and collected, and then the next he’s nervous as shit because he has to meet my parents as my fiancé and not as my boyfriend. It was cute though, especially since he never got nervous, then again, I was just as nervous as he was to meet my parents, as I was to meet his.

Even though I had met his parents already, on several different occasions, this time was different, this time Shaun and I were engaged, not just dating. It was weird begin this nervous, I already knew his parents liked me, they liked me a lot and they’ve already approved our decision to get married, but I was still nervous nonetheless. I felt like they’d look at me differently or view me differently because I was marrying their youngest son; even when it came to his siblings I was kinda scared to meet them again. They were ok with the whole thing too, but I was still nervous to meet them.

I was even nervous for my own parents to meet Shaun as my fiancé and no longer my boyfriend. Even knowing my parents were so ecstatic we were getting married, I was still nervous that they’d somehow start judging him or that our families wouldn’t get along.

“Hey mom, dad.” I smiled as I let them in the house and closed the door behind them.

They smiled at me warmly before turning to Shaun, “You haven’t changed a bit Shaun.” My mother laughed before giving him a hug to say hello.

“Thanks Lisa.” Shaun smiled before he shook my dad’s hand.

It was weird seeing Shaun act so formal, especially since his usual hello’s were pat on the backs when it came to saying hello to guys.

“I see you managed to per sway Alison to wear a dress.” My dad laughed.

“Oddly enough, it wasn’t too hard.” Shaun laughed.

“Never going to wear a dress ever again, by the way.” I joked, “Not one like this anyway.” I added.

“You’ll have to on your wedding.” My mom insisted.

“Well, clearly but after that I never will again.”

“Have you even gone dress shopping?” My mom asked as we made our way into the living room.

My mom sat down on the love seat on the left side of the room next to my dad and Shaun and I sat on the couch that sat in the middle of the living room right in front of the wall.

“Um, no. We haven’t even done any planning to be completely honest.” I replied.

“Nothing?”

“We’ve been really busy. We have to do competitions, and then commercials, and shootings, and interviews and meetings and stuff, it’s been hard trying to find time to plan a wedding.” Shaun replied.

“I’m sure your mom and I could help.” My mom offered.

“That’s fine mom, we’ll find a way to plan everything. Plus, we’re not in much of a rush to actually get married right away.” I replied.

“Alright.” She smiled. “When are your parent’s going to be here?” I mom asked Shaun.

Shaun shrugged lightly, “Soonish?” He laughed just as the doorbell rang.

My heart began to pound and I started to feel a bit nauseous as we got off the couch and made our way to the front door.

My parents remained seated in the living room and Shaun grabbed my hand before we opened the front door.

“Nervous?” He smiled.

“Just a little bit.” I chuckled.

“Don’t be.” He replied simply, “They love you, you’ve got nothing to worry about.” He stated before kissing my lightly.