This Loneliness Is Killing Me

I didn’t have to wait too long for Shaun to arrive home after his apology text. In fact, he was home almost the minute after I sat down on the couch when I had finished showering and getting dressed and such.

“Guess who?” He asked as he put his hands in front of my eyes.

I rolled my eyes and laughed lightly.

“Hey, don’t roll your eyes at me.” He scolded.

“I’m sorry Shaun.” I laughed, putting emphasis on his name to let him know I had guessed it was him.

“How’d you know?” He pouted as he removed his hands from in front of my face.

“Because I can tell your voice apart from everyone else’s,” I laughed, “How’d you know I was rolling my eyes?” I asked in the same manner as I turned around to look at him.

“I could feel your eyelashes moving against the palm of my hand.” He smiled.

“You’re weird.” I replied bluntly.

“But you love me.” He sang before he kissed me softly and hopped over the couch to sit next to me.

“How very true you are.” I smiled.

“A lot, right?” He asked, almost uncertain of how much I really did love him.

“No, only a little bit. Y’know, I get pregnant and plan to have kids with every guy I barely love, because I’ve always wanted kids.” I replied sarcastically.

“Shut up, you don’t even look all that prego, if anything you look like your two months pregnant with one kid, not five months pregnant with twins. Y’know, when people have twins by five months the chick looks huge, you, you can’t even tell.” He stated as he hit my arm lightly as if to prove his point.

“Thank you Shaun.” I laughed.

“I’m not joking, and it’s lucky for you too ‘cause then your tattoos won’t stretch and shit, and, y’know, I can still think I wanna have sex with you without feeling weird about thinking it since your pregnant because you don’t look pregnant.”

“Shaun, you can stop now.” I laughed, “I love you a lot, alright?” I smiled.

“Good, good, that’s good.” He replied, well, more like spoke to himself as he raked his fingers through his hair.

“Why did you ask anyway?”

“Well, because I wasn’t too sure. I had to double check.”

“Why would you doubt that I love you?”

“Because you called off the wedding and everything and said you didn’t want to get married to me anymore right now, I thought maybe you didn’t love me as much anymore. And you didn’t want to get married to only prove a point and stuff, so yeah.” He replied hastily.

“Shaun, I love you a lot, whether I marry you or don’t, I love you. Actually, I’ve been thinking, and I’ve been thinking a lot, like, since I called the whole thing off, but I wanna try the whole engaged thing again.” I confessed.

Just seeing Shaun smile as widely as he did when I told him I wanted to get married again caused my heart to flutter immensely.

“Are you proposing to me?” He laughed.

“No, it’s just an idea.” I joked.

“What changed your mind?” He asked as he stretched across the couch, “Was it my sexiness?” He joked.

“You know it.” I replied with a laugh.

“Knew it, but really, why?” He asked more seriously as he sat up correctly.

“It was a hast decision, I mean, for years you didn’t do anything, everything was perfect, but the one time something did go wrong I called everything off when I shouldn’t have. It was a poor decision because you didn’t deserve that. You’d do anything for me, and I know that, trust me I know that, and I just kind of threw everything way. I’ve regretted that since day one, just so you know, I do regret it, a lot and I know everything won’t go back to normal unless everything is back to normal, back to when before Ashley came back, and before she came back we were engaged, and I just want everything to go back to normal.” I answered honestly, looking straight at Shaun to see if he understood and didn’t get angry with me for whatever reason.

“Ashley’s still around though.” He replied bluntly.

“No she’s not, Mason got rid of her last night; Alex told me that an hour ago. Mason dumped her, he finally found out that she was only using him.” I explained.

“You’re not just telling me you want to get married again because she’s out of the picture are you?” He asked hesitantly.

“No! I’m telling you I want to get married again because I made a mistake and shouldn’t have called it off to begin with. It was a huge mistake and I regret it immensely.” I corrected.

“Alright.” He smiled, “I don’t have to propose like a normal person do I?” He whined.

“No, I hate that stuff, you don’t even have to propose again.”

“But I want to, but not like that romantic on one knee thing.” He laughed.

“You didn’t last time, and I don’t like that either, you proposed to me on the top of our halfpipe in the backyard.” I laughed.

He rolled his eyes and got up quickly, “Where are you going?” I asked.

“To go get our ring so I can do this correctly, and yes I know where you keep it.” He replied as he made his way upstairs into our room.

I waited anxiously on the couch, playing with a loose thread on my shirt. I guess I was a bit nervous about whether this was a good decision or not.

My mind said it wasn’t and was convincing me that if he ever decided to fuck up again he’d know it’d be easy for him to get me back, but my feelings told me otherwise.

They knew perfectly well this was right, this was supposed to happen. I loved Shaun, I love him a lot more than I’ve ever loved anyone before, and I know this is the right decision to make. He’s been nothing but good to me since the minute we’ve been together. He’s been there for me since the day we’ve met and I know that when we do get married he’ll be there for me until one of us dies and he’ll be faithful to me til then too.

He was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and I’ve known this almost since day one, and I know that I want this and that he wants it just as badly as I do.

There really was no other guy out there for me but Shaun; he was perfect for me. No other guy could ever persuade me into getting married, let alone start a family when I didn’t want to, only Shaun could. Then again no other guy would be willing to do absolutely anything for me but Shaun, and I owed him so much.

Shaun came bolting down the stairs and sat down next to me in the very same spot as before.

“Alright, Alison?” Shaun asked, slightly nervous.

“Yes?” I smiled.

“Will you marry me… again? Well, I guess get engaged to me again? Well, uh, you know what I mean, just fucking say yes.” He replied with a smile.

“Good work Shaun, I think you’re the only man in ever to swear while proposing.” I joked.

“Shut up and say yes.” He laughed.

“Alright, yes.” I smiled as he slid the ring on my finger, back where it belonged, before kissing me softly.