This Loneliness Is Killing Me

“Jet lag is a bitch and a half! I look horrible in these pictures!” I groaned as I threw the stack of pictures I had across the round wooden table Jake, Chris, Zane and I had surrounded ourselves around.

“You look fine.” Chris reassured.

“I have major bags under my eyes and I look the fucking Grim Reaper.” I stated flatly as a photo of myself stared back at me as I held a snowboard in one hand.

It was the last day we would be in California before we would have to fly out to New York. We had easily chosen a picture for the shoot in Amsterdam and had luckily saved enough time to have a few days off to tour the city.

“Then choose one where you’re doing a trick or something, don’t choose a close up.” Zane stated like it was the most obvious solution.

“But they’re all like that.” I mumbled.

“We’ll figure something out.” Chris reassured me as my phone went off, vibrating across the table.

“You better answer that, Sir Shaun of Shaunalot is commanding your attention.” Zane laughed, reading off my caller ID.

“I didn’t enter him as that on my phone, fyi.” I stated as I grabbed my phone and left the little meeting area and out into the hallway.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Took you some time to pick up.” Shaun laughed.

“Sorry, the guys were making fun of your entry name on my phone.” I smiled.

“Is it still the same thing from when we first met?” He asked, surprisingly astonished.

“Yes, its fun, I’m not going to change it.”

“Alright, anyway, how’s my favorite chick doing?”

“Meh, had better days. We’ve been looking through pictures non-stop and it’s annoying, especially since I had severe jet lag the day of the shoot so I look like the fucking Grim Reaper.” I replied as Shaun started to laugh from the other end of the phone.

“I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

“I think it is.” I pouted, even though I knew he couldn’t see me.

“Stop pouting, and that’s what airbrushing is around for.”

“You know I’m not one for the whole airbrushing thing, I hate that, and how’d you know I was pouting?” I added with a laugh.

“Dude, I’ve known you for, like, ten years, of course I can tell when you’re pouting.” He laughed, “And you were airbrushed when you did that million page spread for Maxim.”

“So, it wasn’t a million, it was, like, five, and I didn’t have a choice with that spread.” I retorted.

“Still looked amazing.” He complimented.

“I’m so sure, so was there a reason for this phone call?”

“Am I not allowed to call my lovely fiancée without a reason?” He asked, the word fiancée throwing me off slightly because I still wasn’t used to the whole ‘being engaged’ thing.

“You can, my lovely husband-to-be, but when you want to just talk, you call later during the day, like when I’m not sorting through pictures.”

“I do not like the title husband, I think it makes me sound like I’m old.” He laughed.

“I feel the same way being referred to as someone’s wife. I think we’re too cool for those titles.” I laughed, causing him to laugh as well.

“We’ll have to deal.” He stated simply, “But I did call to say my mom called a little while ago…” He started.

“Alright?” I asked, slightly confused.

Shaun never told me when his mom called him, it wasn’t really a concern of mine, and so I had clearly been in the conversation when they had talked.

“She wanted to know about the wedding and stuff, like if we’ve started planning and when we wanna do this and all that stuff.”

I shrugged my shoulders before leaning my back against the wall.

“To be perfectly honest I haven’t really thought about it. I mean, we’ve only been engaged two weeks, I’m still getting used to that, y’know what I mean?”

“Ya, I know, but we have to plan this thing eventually.”

I sighed heavily, “Ugh, I know, and I really don’t want to plan a wedding. I mean; you always see that kinda stuff on TV and it looks the most hectic and worst thing to plan, ever, and then the girl goes all bridezilla on everyone and everyone gets frustrated, and it seems like a tiring process. Can’t our moms, like, plan it for us or something?” I joked.

“You wish, now you’re just being lazy.” He laughed, “Plus, if we put our moms in charge we’d get that fairy princess perfect white wedding thing that you and I both know we’d hate.”

I nodded my head agreeing heavily, “Very true, I still don’t know what we should do though, the only thing I do know is that, wedding dress wise, I don’t want a white dress, that’s it.”

“Why not white?” He asked.

“I don’t know, white is too traditional for me I guess, I want something fun and different, white’s boring and overrated.” I stated causing Shaun to laugh.

“You are quite different so it’d suit you.” He replied and I could tell from his tone that he was smiling.

“I know.”

“You haven’t talked to the dudes at all about it?”

“You really thing they want to talk about wedding arrangements?” I asked dumbfounded.

“Well, I think they’re the closest you’re getting to chicks.”

“Last time I could tell, Alex was a chick.” I pointed out.

“Touché; I’m sure the guys have some input nonetheless, especially Zane.”

“Lately they’ve only had input on why I should have children with you and how our possible children would act.” I replied flatly.

“That’s a bit soon isn’t it?” He asked cautiously.

“I guess so, I’m still kinda stuck on not wanting kids; they’re trying to persuade me otherwise.”

“Still don’t want any?”

“I don’t know…” I sighed, biting my lip lightly, “I sorta do, but don’t. I don’t really have a final thought on it anymore.”

“Well, like you said, it’s a bit too early to think about that, I mean, we’re not even married yet, the media doesn’t even know we’re engaged, I think after the whole wedding ordeal is when that should even become the central topic of any discussion.”

“I guess so.” I replied quietly.

“I miss you, a lot.” He stated, trying to change the subject to something more light hearted.

“I miss you too.” I smiled, “But we get to see each other tomorrow.” I smiled.

“I know, the past two weeks have gone by too slow for me, I’m excited to see you again, and to finally let the media in on our whole engagement thing.” He laughed.

“I’m excited for reactions, I think those are going to be fun and/or funny.”

“It’ll be interesting to say the least.” He chuckled, “Anyway, I’ve gotta jet. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Ya, see you tomorrow.” I replied; my smile faltering like it usually did when I had to end quick conversations with Shaun, especially when we weren’t in the same State.

“Love you.” He said softly.

“Love you too.” I smiled before hanging up and having a lot more to think about then just what photo to choose for the ad.