This Loneliness Is Killing Me

“You alright?” Shaun laughed lightly as he held my hand to keep me from twirling the ring around my finger as we were driven to where the Awards were.

Lately all I could keep thinking about was how we would tell the general public that we’re engaged and how everyone will react and the possible lies the media will start to construct so they can watch us fall apart.

“Ya.” I semi lied as I smiled at him softly.

“You sure, ‘cause we can just not tell them right now and keep it private a little while longer if you want to.” He reminded me as he stroked the back of my hand with his thumb.

“I know, but I don’t want to. I mean, the thought of us getting married is still kinda surreal, but I don’t want to hide it from everyone. I feel like it’s a dirty secret or something when it really isn’t.” I replied.

“Ya, but it’s not like the whole world really has to know, it’s none of their business.”

“Again, I know, but I don’t want to have to take off my ring every time I step out in public, it’s not fair to you, it’s not fair to any of us. I’m just a bit nervous but I want to get it out of the way.” I reassured, letting it be known to him that I was very much on board with letting the whole world in on our engagement.

Shaun took a deep breath before smiling, “Alright.” He replied before kissing me lightly. “What exactly are you nervous about?” He chuckled.

I shrugged lightly, “The media going berserk and looking for any kind of sign to say that we’re broken up or that one is cheating on the other or something. Just a bunch of unnecessary attention to stress us out so they can watch us fall from grace.” I replied; Shaun smiled lightly.

“That’s why you don’t listen to ‘em dude.” He laughed.

“I don’t, but you can’t help but listen to some of it and get angry with them because all they spew are lies.”

“Just, don’t take it to heart.” He reminded me as the car came to a soft stop, “Let’s go knock ‘em dead.” He joked as he opened the door and climbed out, the only thing you could see right away were the bright flashes of light from the cameras.

“Rather not be responsible for someone’s death, thank you.” I replied sarcastically as he grabbed my left hand and helped me out. “So glad I’m not wearing a fucking dress.” I joked as I noticed every girl was in a dress, dressed rather formally while I was in a pair of black skinny jeans and a tore up rocker look Zeppelin shirt and a leather jacket.

“You stick out, I like it.” He smiled as we made our way down the red carpet a bit before being stopped by an interviewer.

“Shaun White and Alison Black, Entertainment Tonight, we haven’t seen much of you two together lately.” The woman started, introducing herself before she dived right into a somewhat question about our relationship.

I shrugged lightly, “We kinda both signed up for that when we started dating. We’re both really busy, I mean, I just got off from training while Alison was off in Amsterdam for a week then back in California just two days ago. Of course we’re not going to see each other everyday, but it doesn’t mean we don’t talk or whatever everyday to make up for it.” Shaun explained.

“So, no sign of a break up?” She asked.

“None, there never was a point where we were close to broken up or broken up.” I confirmed before we were rushed to continue walking down the carpet.

“Hate that question so much.” I laughed before we were asked to pose for pictures that we happily posed for.

“See, it’s not too bad.” Shaun said into my ear as he let go of my hand and wrapped his hand around my waist and an infinite amount of flashes felt like they went off, like all of the sudden everyone stopped what they were doing to look at us, when in reality they were not.

We were rushed to another interviewer before I could even comprehend what was really going on and could get used to having the ring out in the open instead of somewhat hidden while I held Shaun’s hand.

“TMZ,” They started and I internally groaned, “How are you guys tonight?” They asked, making me smile slightly as they talked to us without first opening up with a question about us possibly breaking up.

“Good.” I replied with a smile, in all reality, TMZ weren’t too bad to talk to, sure they blew something’s out of proportion, but most of the time they were very nice and very funny, and just a riot to talk to.

“So, to get this annoying question out of the way, who designed the clothes?” The guy laughed.

Shaun and I remained silent.

“No idea, I got this at some random store off in Vegas.” Shaun laughed as he talked about his suit-esque top.

“Hot Topic. That’s where I got everything, minus the jacket, I got that in Paris in a small little store, for like, 80 bucks.” I laughed.

“And that ring?” He asked, and I knew almost instantly most of the people taking pictures had now noticed.

“Gotta ask Shaun.” I laughed.

“I can’t tell, she might always go look it up and then yell at me for paying such a ridiculous price for it.” Shaun laughed.

“So are you guys officially saying you’re engaged?” He asked slightly seriously.

“Uhm,” Shaun started, not too sure how on board I was with this.

“Yes.” I replied instantly with a smile.

“That’s great, how long have you kept this from us?” He joked.

“A couple of years.” I joked, “Uhm, no, actually only two weeks. Shaun proposed the day before I left for Amsterdam.” I laughed.

“That’s awesome, planning on having any children?” He asked, clearly unaware of how heavy a conversation this was for us.

“Never know, but if we ever did, they’d probably be the first article on Perez Hilton, like, everyday for causing some kind of chaos.” I joked.

“They’d be little monsters.” Shaun added with a laugh.

“Sure they can’t be that bad.” The interviewer laughed.

“I don’t know, I was a huge problem child, and Shaun doesn’t appear to have been any better.”

“I was not that bad.” Shaun replied, trying to defend himself.

“His mom told me he used to glue girls to their seats, and would climb under the tables and tie their shoelaces together before looking under a girls dress so that they would fall on their ass and he could easily get away with it.” I laughed.

“You were quite the ladies man.” The guy laughed.

“Well, of course, I mean, I am the man.” He joked, “But now I’m too old for that, I’ve gotta keep it classy now.” He laughed.

“Well, it seems to be working for you when you’ve gotten the hottest female athlete around to agree to marry you.” He joked.

“It was hard though, she made me work for it.” Shaun smiled.

“Alright, well good luck you guys and have fun.” The guy finished before we walked off to complete more interviews and photos.

Most interviews didn’t even talk about our engagement, and luckily a lot of them weren’t about the speculated rumors about us breaking up, they were all about our nomination for best athlete in our gender.

I had been nervous for absolutely nothing and I honestly don’t think I have anything to worry about, especially since I’ve Shaun around to keep me cool and to keep me from taking things too personal.