This Suffering

“Emily?” I heard a voice call. I slowly turned around to see Benjamin. He looked like he hadn’t shaved in a couple days, and his hair was a mess. He had cut it since we had last seen each other. He looked disappointed, yet comfortable.

“Ben,” I jumped up crawling to him and wrapping my cold arms around his neck. My heart fluttered as I felt his familiar touch and scent. One I had missed so much. I rested my head on his shoulder, finally allowing myself to cry. Was it bad that the first time I cried was in the arms of my ex-lover? No, because he was my best friend before he even asked me to be his. And it only lasted four years, one less than Danny and I.

“Emily, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” He held me tightly as I released all the emotion I had been holding for the past week.

“You never got to meet him.” I hiccupped. I felt him nod but I didn’t look at him.

“I know Emily, but he made you happy, and that is all that matters.” He walked me to the bathroom, adjoining the master bedroom. He turned the taps on and started a shower. Momentarily leaving the room, Ben came back with a towel. “Have a shower and get changed. I’ll be waiting downstairs making you something to eat and drink.”

“I have to tuck Nevada in...” I looked out the window, noticing the darkness covering the world.

“Your mother already did, right before I got here. I’ll be waiting downstairs okay?” he asked, rubbing my arm. I nodded and waited for him to leave. Once he was gone, I peeled off the black dress and my underwear. Naked was the feeling I began to feel when I found out he was dead. Naked and frozen, always so cold and alone; these feelings were ones I had pinned on my sleeve, replacing the ones the people around me knew. Happiness and laughter was what anyone who knew me remembered. And his death had washed that away. I scrubbed my skin raw and washed my hair till it was falling out. I didn’t like this new me. The evil that had been planted in me now that he was gone. Finally the water turned cold and I knew Ben would be knocking at the door to get me out. But I didn’t want too.

The water poured, turning me into a human popsicle. Finally, as if on cue, I heard the door open and Ben walk in. I didn’t see him but he turned the tap off and wrapped a towel around me. My teeth were chattering and my heart was racing. He picked me up, bridal style and pulled back the sheets of my bed. Placing me with the towel still wrapped around me, he piled blankets on my shivering body. He laid down on the top layer and rubbed my shoulder, attempting to warm my small body.

“Emily, go to sleep and tomorrow we can talk.” His soft voice cooed, as he placed a kiss on my forehead and I fell asleep.